DEAR ABBY: When I was single and living alone, whenever I went out with friends or on a date, I'd leave a note on my refrigerator stating the date, time I left, with whom I was going, the person's phone number, address, work, where we met -– anything. I would also jot down when I expected to return.

My friends thought this practice was silly. But if Chandra Levy or other missing persons who lived alone had done this, at least there might have been a trail to follow. Call me paranoid, but to me it was always a basic safety issue.

Maybe this letter will help other singles out there –- both women and men. Thanks. -– SHELLEY IN SAINT CLOUD, MINN.

DEAR SHELLEY: Thank YOU. You displayed intelligence and maturity at a young age. I suspect many young people may be reluctant to leave that kind of information because they're afraid it might somehow curtail their independence. However, it's a potent form of insurance in the case of any kind of emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged in 2000. Sadly, my fiancee passed away from cancer. I was with her throughout her ordeal, at every doctor's appointment and all night with her in the hospital. I held her hand when she passed away.

She left a 7-year-old son, "Danny," who now lives with her parents. Before she died, I promised her I would stay in Danny's life. He calls me Dad, and I call him my son. He stays with me quite often, and in my eyes I am his dad.

This year, I plan to begin dating again. However, Danny comes first, and I will not jeopardize our relationship by bringing someone into his life I feel would not be good for him.

My question: When someone asks if I have children, do I have the right to say I am a dad? How do I explain the circumstances without feeling like I am trying to exploit the situation? –- BACHELOR FATHER IN TEXAS

DEAR BACHELOR FATHER: Just be honest and tell it like it is. A deathbed promise -– a lifetime commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a worried 11-year-old girl. My dad went to a class reunion last summer without my mom because Grandma was in the hospital.

When he was at the reunion, he met up with an old band member who used to be his girlfriend. They've been e-mailing and calling each other ever since.

I wasn't worried until my whole family met her one night, and Dad kissed her on the cheek! Then a few days ago, she called and they met for lunch. He keeps saying they're just friends, but I'm not so sure.

My sister doesn't like this whole thing any more than I do, because this woman is divorced. Abby, do you think she's after our dad, or is it just a friendly thing? -– AN 11-YEAR-OLD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR 11-YEAR-OLD: Have a little more faith in your father. Since he has introduced her to "the whole family," it indicates how proud he is of all of you. From his point of view, I'm sure it's strictly friendship. If it isn't that way from her point of view, she'll have the other three women in his life to reckon with. I don't think she'd stand a chance!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a mother whose daughter was a "plain Jane," constantly overlooked by boys who preferred her beautiful friend. That letter has stayed with me because I was a plain Jane compared to my best friend in high school. I'll call her Lisa. Lisa had more boys lined up than you can count. Every boy wanted to date her.

Luckily for me, my self-esteem has never been dependent upon my looks. As a result, my life has been 100 percent easier than my beautiful friend's has been. I have always thought of myself as funny and smart. Therefore, I WAS funny and smart around boys.

Lisa has struggled with anorexia since puberty. She has had a string of scummy boyfriends who treated her horribly. I have enjoyed honest, relaxed, fun-filled relationships with boys from high school through the present. I am now 22.

I implore the parents of girls to make sure their daughters feel valued for their intelligence and talent. Girls need to know it's OK to exploit their strengths. Parents can do that by making sure that their daughters know that being smart, athletic and funny are wonderful traits.

There is no reason why a mother should worry that her daughter is a plain Jane. It doesn't help matters to reinforce the idea that looks are everything. It's far more important to help a girl become a strong, confident person. The boys will discover her soon enough. -- FABULOUS JANE, FAIRFAX, VA.

DEAR FABULOUS JANE: You and I were blessed with mothers who taught us early and often to value ourselves for the strengths and resources every girl has. However, many girls do not know how to appreciate and use their gifts and talents in pursuit of their goals.

The fact is, each one of us has qualities and abilities unique and genuinely beautiful, and far more important than makeup and clothing.

Last spring, I hosted a live Internet chat for the government's Girl Power! campaign at www.girlpower.gov. Girl Power! was created to help girls make it from childhood to adolescence without turning to unhealthy eating habits, drugs, depression or obsessions with unrealistic images of how they should look and act. It features Bodywise pages to help girls make the most of their physical and intellectual abilities, and feel good about who and what they are. Feeling good about oneself is a key ingredient for beauty.

There was once a neglected and unwanted little girl who often worried that she was a "plain Jane" or worse, but she made the most of what she had. Later on, she said this: "No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a child. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't." We remember her as Marilyn Monroe, as pretty as any girl ever was.

So, a thought for the day: If you're an adult, make sure every girl you care about knows that she's smart and pretty and valued, and tell her why you think so. The secret to being beautiful is feeling beautiful; the secret to being successful is knowing that success is within your reach.

DEAR ABBY: My father remarried eight years ago when I was 26. I have never figured out how to introduce his wife. She never filled a "motherly" role for me. I feel odd introducing her as my stepmother, so I end up saying, "This is my father and his wife, Blanche." I think she feels slighted by my approach. Do you have any appropriate suggestions? -- NAME CALLER IN TEXAS

DEAR NAME CALLER: Ask Blanche what she would like to be called. It will make future introductions less awkward for you and other members of your family.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to the letter about runaways and the comment, "... and Johnny isn't going to stop acting out no matter how much everyone wishes differently."

Johnny knows only what he has learned at home. He is repeating his parents' example. Kids don't run away from love. They run from hell.

Abby, I was a four-time runaway. The fourth time, at age 12, was the charm. I never went back to hell again, which is what my home life was. Fortune smiled on me –- I landed in a beautiful home for years. I graduated from high school and college with both B.A. and M.A. degrees.

Along the way, I went to California State Mental Hygiene Clinic for five years at $2 a session. What a bargain that was; the results made me the man I became. How sad we no longer have those clinics. Instead we have crime and prisons.

I raised my own family without corporal punishment or abuse. My four adult children grew up with an arm around their shoulders and hugs and reminders every day that they were dearly loved. It's gratifying to see them repeating that behavior in raising their own six children –- my precious grandchildren. -– "OLD RUNAWAY"

DEAR "OLD RUNAWAY": I wish everyone could find the inner stregth you did. Your experience proves that, with help, the pattern of abuse does not have to repeat itself from generation to generation. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was also a runaway. It was scary being alone in a strange town. I became involved with people I now would never associate with. After four months of trying to make it on my own, I went back home –- and back to the same old problems.

Now that I am older, I'd never recommend running away. You can get counseling, either at school or your local mental health center. If you can't afford it, you will be charged according to your income, or at a very low rate.

I am still going to therapy for the things my parents did to me. I have made some good choices now and have raised a beautiful daughter.

For you teens who are reading this, please try to get help. If your friends aren't enough, take Dear Abby's advice –- or learn from my story. There is always hope. -–BEEN THERE IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: I have been taking college classes on and off for 15 years and will finally graduate in May. I will be the first college graduate in my family. I love my husband, but he has not been supportive of my goals. He's said many times that he is not interested in what goes on in my college classes.

My problem is, I need to choose an escort to walk with me during commencement. Even though my husband is the logical choice, I feel he doesn't care.

A true source of encouragement and support has been my father-in-law, "Max." Not only has Max paid for my college, he asks about it regularly and is very proud of my high grade-point average.

Abby, this may seem like an easy question for you, but I want to do the right thing. Who would you choose? –- COLLEGE GRAD IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR COLLEGE GRAD: Ask Max. He's given you maximum support –- emotionally as well as financially. I am sure he will be thrilled to escort you, and it's a thoughtful way for you to acknowledge all he has done for you.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)