DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. My fiance and I have been together for three years and are being married in October. The problem is my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She is a great lady and we get along very well; however, she insists on accompanying us on our honeymoon! She keeps pushing the idea of making it a family trip.

My fiance told her the honeymoon is going to be just for us. He tried to tell her we all could go someplace together another time, but she got upset. She abruptly got off the phone with him, saying she was "only joking," but she'd work on me.

This is a nightmare. She's normally a pleasant and reasonable person whom I like a lot. That's why I don't understand why she can't see this is a huge intrusion.

Please help. I don't want to have to change my honeymoon destination to someplace she may not want to go. –- BRIDE-TO-BE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: It's not a matter of finding a destination where your future mother-in-law doesn't want to go. This "great lady" seems to have control issues or a serious case of separation anxiety. She's dead set on going wherever her son goes. She could benefit from counseling.

Although I have printed letters in the past from couples who included extended family on their honeymoon –- and a good time was had by all –- unless all parties are equally enthusiastic, it is extremely presumptuous for an in-law to continue to harp on it once the suggestion has been rejected.

Unless you want your marriage to turn into a family affair, you and your fiance must stand your ground.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is expecting a child soon and plans to use our surname because her husband's name is foreign and could be interpreted to mean something naughty in English. She wants to spare her child the embarrassment of being teased when she gets to school.

There is an uproar over this among the grandparents. Our son-in-law says it's OK with him. Is this now an accepted practice, or is it something new? –- DESPERATE GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: It's something relatively new. It started when women began hyphenating their names and adding them to their husband's. Some husbands also began hyphenating their names to coincide with the wife's.

As your letter proves, there is more than one answer to the question, "What's in a name?" –- pride, tradition, social standing, money or misery, depending on what the name is.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a reader asked if a fifth anniversary was too soon to renew wedding vows. You told her to go for it. I agree with you.

I have a collection of ladies' magazines from the 1930s and '40s. During those uncertain times, it was fashionable to celebrate 50th anniversaries, but they included 50 months, 50 weeks –- or even 50 days!

Bring on the cake and punch! In these uncertain times, any celebration of love, commitment, family, faith, joy or happiness should not be missed! – GAIL A. THOMPSON, LIBERTY MO.

P.S. We were married 30 years last November.

DEAR GAIL: I agree. Belated happy anniversary to you and your lucky husband.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO MY READERS: Thanks to you, writing this column is a love-in every day of the year!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school. My mother is married to an alcoholic who periodically gets very drunk and screams unprintable things at me until I'm huddled crying on the floor. He hates me and has threatened to hurt me on at least two occasions. He refuses to get counseling or go to AA. Mom has been present during some of these episodes.

About a year ago, I started dating a guy who is very supportive. Because of the situation at my house, I have started going to his house every day after school and returning as late as possible. Sometimes I tell Mom the truth about where I am; sometimes I tell her I'm working late at school. I am editor in chief of our school paper, so this isn't unusual.

Abby, I know my mother is very hurt by the fact I'm never home. She gets angry and accuses me of avoiding home because I don't want to do chores. How can she say that when she knows how her husband treats me? I am under so much stress my grades are starting to drop. What can I do to make her less upset? How can I spend more time with her before I leave for college? Please help. -– TORN IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR TORN: Your mother blames your absence on an unwillingness to do household chores because she's in denial about how her husband's drinking and temper have affected you. If she can place blame on you, she won't have to address her failure as a parent to protect you from his abuse.

I see nothing to be gained by lying to her. She bears some of the responsibility for this. Tell her where you're spending your time and why. Explain that your boyfriend's house is a safer place for you because you don't have to fear threats and verbal abuse.

If you want to spend more time with your mother before you leave for college, do it away from the house. An excellent place for both of you to start would be Al-Anon. It is listed in your local phone book. As for your dropping grades, I urge you to find a teacher or counselor at school in whom you can confide. Talking it out will help -– and in one more semester you'll be away from the pressure. I wish you much success.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed your annual New Year's piece, "Just for Today," based on the original credo of Al-Anon. Something about the idea of trying each day to be a better person in 2002 prompted me to spontaneously call my long-estranged brother, "Phil." He lives only 30 miles from me, but he's always been millions of miles away emotionally.

Four years my junior, Phil and I never bonded as children. Our father was harsh and rejecting. He was a driven workaholic who never displayed affection, nor did our mother. I married just as Phil graduated from high school. We saw very little of each other after that.

It has come to me in these golden years of my life that inclusiveness is better than exclusiveness, forgiveness is better than resentment, and civil communication is better than silence.

I made the call. We chatted on a somewhat superficial level, but I'm glad I did it. Now if my brother ever wishes to call me, he knows he will get a warm, positive response. Many thanks for the reminder, Abby. –- JOYCE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR JOYCE: You started the year off right, extending your hand in friendship. Bravo! Whatever will be, will be.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Today's column will be different. I want to thank you for making OperationDearAbby.net a tremendous success. Because of your generosity, our troops have received more than 375,000 messages. That's the equivalent of more than five tons of letters. (Heaven only knows how many trees have been spared because they weren't needed for paper.) And the Department of Defense tells me that the number of "hits" -– that's visits to the site -– has topped 25 million!

I'll share a sample of the messages that were received from young readers (spelling and grammar preserved):

DEAR SOLDIER: I'm glad you are pertecting us. But I'm sorry your away from your family near Christmas. I hope you are o.k. and I hope you can see your family again. If you watch football, the Small Bears won the championship. The Raiders are in second place. It was a good game, it was 18 to 12. I hope you win the war. If you don't die can you please write me back? I'll write to you again.

P.S. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We're thinking of you. -– MEMPHIS (3RD GRADE)

From a girl to her brother who's in the Army:

DEAR TIMMY: I want to fill you in on what has been going on. First of all, Mom and Dad have split up. Now Dad has someone else named Theresa. Her little girl is one of my friends. Me and Mom now live in an apartment. I am in forth grade now. I even have my own locker. I go to the same school, but now I'm getting into an after school program. Thank you for risking your life for us. Your sister –- ANDREA

DEAR SERVICEMAN: I'm 13. I'm a very nice girl. I like to sing, dance, play video games, talk on the phone and listen to my CD player. Thank you for protecting our country and my family. You left your home to fight for us. Thanks to you, a lot of people are still alive. You put your lives in danger and that is really brave. You should get a gold medal. I felt really sad when I heard terrorists bombed New York and the Pentagon and killed so many innocent people. I think whoever was in charge of the bombing should be killed. You are heroes and nobody will ever forget you. -– KYANA, CANOGA PARK, CALIF.

And these, from a Webelos Boy Scout Troop in Tennessee:

DEAR SOULDIER: Hope you make it back to your family. Have a happy new year. I know how it fells. My dad got killed in the war when I was four. I have a new dad now, and I'm sad about all those kids who lost their mom and dad. Hope it stops -– DYLAN

DEAR SODLER: I'm African Amircan. Please, please, please kick realy kick kick Afghanistan's B-U-T-T. And I'm not jokin'. -– MALCOLM. P.S. Please don't die. Come back to your family in once peace. Please!!!!!!!!!

And last, from a budding humanitarian:

DEAR AIRMAN: I am 12 years old and in 8th grade. I like to play football as a cornerback blocking the receiver. I also like videogames. Thank you for joining the U.S. Air Force. Also for risking your life at wars or in other dangerous situations. Thanks for being there when needed and for putting up shelter for hurt people and sending them food, clothing, water and other useful supplies. -– NEPHTALI IN CALIFORNIA

So, Dear Readers, I hope this sample was ample and you enjoyed them as much as I did.

Thanks to the Department of Defense, OperationDearAbby.net is now year-round. It serves all branches of our armed forces. All messages are relayed to our troops via a secure military site so they can be beamed to a ship in the middle of the ocean, a submarine under the sea, or downloaded to a cave in Afghanistan.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Please join me on OperationDearAbby.net in telling our troops how much they are loved and appreciated on Valentine's Day and every day.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)