DEAR ABBY: Why is it that men can be so insensitive toward recent widows? Some of them hit on us within a month of the death of our loved one, while we're still in shock.

Who are these culprits? Co-workers whom I thought were good friends and my church council president, to name a few. Once, while I was having coffee in a restaurant with a friend, a male acquaintance stopped by our table and -- as calmly as ordering a hamburger -- told me his wife was in the hospital and he "needed some lovin'"!

Don't these clods have any idea how demeaning and vulgar their behavior is?

A longtime friend of mine just lost her husband. She didn't believe me when I told her about my experience. Abby, within a month, she had her own stories to tell! What's astonishing is that 90 percent of these men are married.

When my husband was alive, I had great respect for men. For that, I credit my husband, who was an honorable and loving family man. Now, however, I'm whistling a different tune. My beloved has been gone 10 years, and I'm much stronger than I was.

Please don't reveal my name or city; this is a small town, and the people I have mentioned would be recognized. Sign me ... NO MORE BLINDERS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NO MORE BLINDERS: I'm sorry you won't allow me to reveal your name or location. The wives of these men would be very interested to know what their husbands are up to, and I'm sure it would result in some stimulating breakfast table conversation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are young newlyweds. His job takes him out of town five days a week, so I'm pretty much a weekend wife only, and I hate it.

The real problem is his drinking. He didn't drink as much before we were married. Now I'm starting to believe he has a problem. When he drinks, he becomes rude and violent. Not toward me -- yet. He also gets into trouble during the week when he's away.

I want to stop this before it gets worse, but I don't know how to begin. -- A WEEKEND WIFE WHO NEEDS HELP FAST

DEAR WEEKEND WIFE: YOU can't stop your husband from drinking -- only he can make that decision. Unless he is willing to admit he has a problem and to do something about it, the situation will get worse.

What you CAN do is contact Al-Anon. It provides information and support to family and friends of alcoholics. Call 1-888-4-AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666). The Web site is www.al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the "shopping grandma," the "cooking grandma," and grandparents everywhere.

Let me tell you what I do -- I am a PLAYING grandma. I get down on the floor and play with my grandkids. I ask, "What do you want me to be?" Then I am the dog that barks, the tiny baby who cries, the mermaid who dives into the sea in search of treasures, or the prince cutting through the thicket with his huge sword to find Sleeping Beauty (stretched out on the sofa).

When my 5-year-old granddaughter was asked why she likes to play with her grandma, her answer was, "Because she makes the dolls talk." -- GRANDMA SHIRLEY IN METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR GRANDMA SHIRLEY: Your granddaughter is a lucky little girl. You are the grandparent every child deserves and dreams about.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 10-year-old girl who lives in McHenry, Ill. I read your column as often as I can. I think you're the best. Now I need your help.

I bite my nails all the time, but mostly when I'm nervous. I hate it. My nails are so short you can't even see them. I have tried to stop but I just can't.

One of the rules in my tae kwon do class is no nail-biting, but I still do it at home.

What should I do? Please help me. -- NERVOUS NAIL-CHEWER

DEAR NERVOUS NAIL-CHEWER: As a former nail-biter, I offer several suggestions. First, you and your mother should visit the pharmacy and ask if it sells a harmless but bitter product you can put on your fingers, so that putting them into your mouth will be less appealing. Second, instead of chewing your nails, substitute crunchy vegetables like carrot sticks, celery sticks and radishes.

Third, put light-colored polish on your nails. It will protect them, and within weeks, as they begin to grow, they will look better and better. (Perhaps your mother would reward you with a professional manicure at the end of the month if you can refrain from biting.) And last, if you can't completely kick the habit, choose ONE nail that you can chew while sparing the rest.

DEAR ABBY: For 16 years, I experienced complex partial seizures, a mild version of grand mal seizure. I would have episodes where I "wasn't there" for a few seconds. My husband and others would observe me staring with watery eyes and pursing my lips as though tasting something bitter, but no one realized what was going on.

The seizures occurred infrequently and lasted approximately 15 seconds. When someone would ask me if something was wrong, I would deny it. I was afraid and ashamed to admit that perhaps I needed help.

In 1999, I experienced a partial seizure while driving on a highway. My mother was in the car just ahead of me and I rammed her. Then my car crossed the opposing lane of traffic and flew airborne into a power pole. By some miracle, no one was seriously injured.

Because I had no memory of the accident, my doctor suspected I had had a seizure of some kind. An EEG confirmed the doctor's suspicions. I was put on medication and haven't had a seizure since.

My unwillingness before the accident to admit there might be a problem nearly cost me my life, and worse -- someone else's.

Please urge your readers who may be "blanking out" for a few seconds to see their doctor immediately for an evaluation. Seizure episodes can usually be controlled with medication, erasing the potential for a traffic fatality. -- SEIZURE-FREE NOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEIZURE-FREE: You are very lucky to have survived such a traumatic event unscathed. I have said for years that the first and most important step in resolving a problem is admitting you have one -- and that applies to physical, emotional, legal and spiritual issues.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, new neighbors moved into the house behind ours. The lots in our development are small and the houses are close together. The new people are not friendly. I don't know their names. The man installed sliding glass doors in their ground-level bedroom. He also built a 6-foot-tall privacy wall in front of it.

Our house is on a slight knoll, and when I am standing at my kitchen sink, I can see over the fence directly into their bedroom. They have drapes, but at night they turn on their lamps, watch TV and leave the drapes open.

I am uncomfortable seeing them get intimate on their bed. Since I can see them, I assume they can see me. Should I knock on their door and tell them? Or should I ignore it and put up a window shade in my kitchen window? -- BLUSHING IN BALTIMORE

DEAR BLUSHING: Since your new neighbors are "not friendly," I see no reason to knock on their door with the news. Write them a short note and explain that when the lights are on in their bedroom, it is illuminated like a stage at night. They can't see the audience, but the audience can see them clearly. You'll be doing them a favor.

If they ignore your note, instead of putting up a window shade and closing yourself in, consider planting a tree or large bush on your side of the fence that will block the view from your kitchen sink.

DEAR ABBY: The letters about the "shopping" grandma and the "cooking" grandma reminded me of my own two grandmothers who, though never competitive, were very different. Each created her own unique way.

My father's mother, Grancie, lived in a small Oklahoma town. She was a pillar of the church and was involved in many groups. When we visited Grancie, we attended Bible school, dances and sleep-overs with the kids from her church, sang in the choir, went to the rodeo, swimming pool, the famous catfish restaurant in town -- always something sociable and fun.

My mother's mother, whom we called Grandmother, was a homebody and an artist who had studied with Georgia O'Keeffe. When we visited Grandmother, we gardened, learned to sew, played dress-up in her 1930s-'40s clothes, climbed and dreamed in her three-story-tall magnolia tree. We made roads and castles in the sandbox she built for us, slid down the hill in cardboard boxes, experimented with the laundry chute -- and most exciting of all, we were allowed to paint in "our" corner of her studio.

She encouraged us to pursue whatever creative, imaginative avenue we found in her house, yard, garden, garage or basement.

Abby, each of my grandmas was wonderful in her own way, and I looked forward to being in their company. Today, I see the imprint of both these delightful, distinctive ladies in my own lifestyle. Best of all, I carry the warm memory that they both loved me enough to have shared their lives with me. I now have four grandchildren of my own, and I want to love and share myself with them as my grandmas did with me. -- KAREN SLIKKER, DAYTON, TENN.

DEAR KAREN: Thank you for a heartwarming letter. When God handed out grandmas, you were doubly blessed. Your grandchildren are fortunate indeed.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)