DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Frustrated Wife," who had gained more than 100 pounds and whose husband had moved to another bedroom, was way out of line. If that man really loved his wife, he would urge her to go to counseling with him, and go with her to a diet clinic where he could learn to support her needs while overcoming her eating problem, if that is, indeed, what she has.

Abby, I am more than 100 pounds overweight. My husband would never, ever tell me it was food or him and to take my pick! He has encouraged me to join him on walks and eat healthier foods with him. This should be something they do together. This should be not only a healthier eating experience for her, but a bonding experience for both of them.

You advised her to see a dietitian and then a psychotherapist, which are good ideas for long-term help. However, I think the more appropriate action for her -- and her loving husband -- is marriage counseling. It takes many months to gain more than 100 pounds, and for her husband to just now be having a problem means something more must have happened. I think her weight problem is just another symptom of the marriage heading downhill, not just her love of food. -- CINDY IN ARIZONA

DEAR CINDY: I'm printing your letter because I received a bushel of mail from overweight women who felt I was wrong not to take her side. I'm sorry if this sounds cruel, but obesity has reached such epidemic proportions in our country that the surgeon general has spoken out about it. It is a serious health issue. Obesity is a trigger for diabetes, heart disease and several forms of cancer. I refuse to keep my mouth shut about it because speaking out is politically incorrect. My job is to give readers honest answers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That poor woman is a compulsive overeater with a serious problem. It is an illness, Abby -- one that society doesn't recognize.

I agree the woman needs help, but that wasn't the point of her letter. She asked if her husband was justified in withholding sex. NO, HE IS NOT! I understand he may not like the fact that she has gained weight, but to cut her off and move out of the bedroom is horrible. Marriage vows say "for better or for worse." -- REBECCA IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR REBECCA: I agree the woman is a compulsive overeater, and there are organizations that can help her. (I have recommended Overeaters Anonymous for years.) Notice that she didn't ask for a referral for a self-help group.

As to the husband's "cutting her off and moving out of the bedroom" -- I'm sure the man would perform if he could. I wish you could see the mail on my desk from husbands who have complained that they are either so visually turned off they can no longer do the deed, or are physically unable to perform because of their wives' girth. (Women married to overweight husbands have expressed similar stories.)

Remember, the woman wrote: "My husband has repeatedly asked me to lose weight, but I have not. ... I think he expects too much, as I love to eat." That woman needs help, not another enabler.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last month my boyfriend, "Mack," broke off our live-in relationship to be with another woman, who was supposed to be my friend. I'll call her Lois. Lois said she feels bad about it, but that doesn't heal my broken heart.

I recently discovered that Mack has given me a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that can cause cancer. He and I talked on the phone one evening, and I asked if he and Lois had slept together yet. He refused to answer. When I asked him if he had told her about his STD, Mack was adamant about not wanting to discuss it.

The following morning I called Lois and asked if I could come over because I had something important to tell her. Talk about being nervous! I was a wreck, but weathered it. I explained everything I knew about the situation. Lois told me Mack had said nothing to her about any STDs, and told me she would ask him about it.

Later that night, I got a call from Mack. He was madder than a wet hen! I feel I did the right thing by telling Lois because he didn't sound like he would. After all, he never told ME he had an STD -- I found out from my gynecologist. Now Mack claims he didn't know he had an STD, and I'm wondering if that's true or not.

Someone told me I could sue Mack for giving me this life-threatening disease. Tests can be given to determine how long he's had it. Should I sue him, Abby? I am angry because he jeopardized my life when he supposedly loved me. I don't want him giving this disgusting disease to anyone else. -- HURT AND MAD IN OKEMOS, MICH.

DEAR H. AND M.: I suspect you have a valid legal case, but law is out of my area of expertise, so talk to an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman living with my son, daughter-in-law and their 5-year-old daughter. When she was born, they asked me to leave my home and job to take care of my grandchild. I have been with them ever since. I keep the house spotless, do all the laundry, cooking and 99 percent of the yard work. I baby-sit 24/7.

My problem is I have no money and no clothes. I have to beg them to buy me shampoo, creme rinse, everything! My son cusses me out and treats me terribly.

Abby, I want to leave, but I'm afraid I'll never see my grandchild again. How do I get out of this situation? -- TRAPPED IN THE EVERGLADES

DEAR TRAPPED: The situation you describe is called slavery. It is against the law in this country. Your son and his wife have not demonstrated that they care about your welfare. More important than whether you see your grandchild is what is going to happen to you in your old age. If you haven't saved money and paid into Social Security, you may not have enough benefits to keep you housed and fed.

If there is a relative who can help you make the transition back into a normal life, please call him or her. If there isn't, you may have to call the police to help you escape to a shelter until you can find a job and a place of your own. Please don't wait another minute.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I feel compelled to respond to Veronica M. DeCrescio's letter about how she always wanted to be a teacher, but never went back to school to certify.

Please tell her to GO FOR IT! I am in a similar situation. I earned a B.A. in an unrelated field, but later realized I wanted to become an elementary school teacher. I am going after it -- even though it means I will be a student teacher at 50.

I am in school now and have five more quarters to go. This time around, college is even more intellectually stimulating and satisfying than before. Most of the students in my program are under 30, and I am old enough to be "Mom" to several of them. Age can be an advantage -- I have had life experiences these youngsters have yet to learn. Moreover, I have had the time to think about taking this life-changing step and am fully committed to my dream of becoming a teacher.

If I can do it, anyone can. We all have something of value to contribute to the field of education. Please assure Ms. DeCrescio that devotion and enthusiasm for the profession of teaching are much more important than one's age! -- MS. RANDALL START, BREMERTON, WASH.

DEAR RANDALL: True. I'm pleased to see someone with your life experience going into elementary education. People who love what they do are usually very good at it. You'll be a terrific role model for your students to emulate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your response to the individual who got her degree but was not certified to teach school was incomplete. If you meant she should try teaching and see if she likes it, I agree. But she should realize that substitute teaching without proper certification will get her nowhere unless she's willing to work in a private school for low pay, or work in a position where there are no health or retirement benefits.

This wanna-be teacher could, however, check with her local schools and see if they help uncertified staff go back to school. In my district, many of our teaching assistants have obtained certification in this manner and are now working as full-fledged teachers.

She also needs to check the local colleges and find out exactly what is needed to earn her certificate. It might come as a pleasant surprise, since she already has a bachelor's degree.

Please wish her good luck from me, Abby. You were right when you emphasized the need for good teachers. -- VETERAN SCHOOL SECRETARY, SYRACUSE, N.Y.

DEAR SCHOOL SECRETARY: Let it be lost on no one that one of the most important jobs in this country is teaching. Teachers can influence and motivate an entire generation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman, extremely shy, and not the most popular guy on campus. There is a girl I like, but she hangs out with a far more popular crowd. I talk to her often -- in school, online and on the phone. I would like to ask her out, but I am afraid she'll say no. What should I do? -- HOPELESS FOREVER IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOPELESS FOREVER: Ask her out for coffee. It's nonthreatening and it's not a formal date. It's two friends chatting and getting to know each other. Then ask her to a movie. If she's spending time talking to you on the phone and online, she's interested in you, too. Take a deep breath, count to three -- and call her now!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)