DEAR ABBY: I have a brother, "Stan," who has been homeless for a decade. Stan is borderline schizophrenic. He goes through periods when he hears voices, believes things to be true that aren't, and does not keep himself clean. He has always had trouble dealing with people.

Although I am younger than Stan, I have taken on the responsibility of sending him money, getting him out of trouble, etc. He is often unappreciative, but I realize his problems are beyond his control.

Every day I thank my lucky stars that I am mentally healthy and can get up every morning with the resolve to work and enjoy my life and relationships with people.

I'm writing because I often hear others make comments about "the homeless" -- that they are lazy, drunk, etc. People don't realize that while they're airing their distorted views, a relative of a homeless person could be in their presence.

I have struggled with Stan's mental illness and the problems it causes him, trying to get him proper treatment and shelter. For people to imply that I should tell him to get a job conveys nothing but ignorance. Homeless people have a disability that is not visible.

So why do people persist in believing the homeless choose their fate? Because it means they don't have to feel compassion or try to help. Please print this so people will open their minds before making insensitive, ignorant, black-and-white statements. -- SISTER WHO CARES IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SISTER: I'm not sure that I agree with your conclusion that people persist in believing the homeless choose their fate so they won't have to feel compassion or try to help.

I think there is an element of fear when we are confronted by the homeless. Some of them are so ill, talking to people who aren't there, that there is a fear they might become violent.

Also, many people live from paycheck to paycheck. In other words, they're only a paycheck away from being homeless themselves. And that in itself is so frightening that people want to distance themselves so they won't have to think about that terrifying reality.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friendly with "Janet," my neighbor, for 12 years. When my daughter "Heather" turned 19, she moved out. Heather, who is irresponsible and immature, then went behind my back and asked Janet to co-sign for an apartment for her and one of her girlfriends. Without consulting me, Janet agreed.

Well, Heather and her friend got evicted, owing their landlord $2,400. Janet called me and told me I should pay her for Heather's portion of the rent. I told her, "Sorry, I can't help you." Janet became very upset and now refuses to have anything to do with me.

Heather enlisted in the Army and is out of the country. Janet still calls and threatens me. I feel bad about this because she was a good friend. What do I do? -- A MOTHER IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR MOTHER: Do nothing. Janet made a bad business decision that has nothing to do with you. Also, Janet is NOT your friend. She conspired with your child to undermine your authority as a parent. She has learned an expensive lesson the hard way. Now please stop grieving for her.

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DEAR ABBY: I work in the office of a trucking company. One of my four co-workers is a married man. I'll call him Tom. The rest of us are females. A divorced female truck driver comes into the office and can't keep her hands off Tom.

Every chance she gets, she rubs his neck, shoulders or back while he sits there looking embarrassed. She also tells him dirty jokes. The other women and I think her behavior is inappropriate.

When Tom's wife found out about this gal, she told him to put a stop to it because it shows a lack of respect for their marriage. He has asked me and the other women more than once how to handle this problem. I told him I'd write you, since we read you every morning on our breaks.

What do you say, Abby? We're awaiting your advice. -- THE OFFICE GANG

DEAR OFFICE GANG: Tom is a big boy. He ought to be able to discourage the woman's advance without our help. However, if he lacks the courage to speak up, he should discuss the matter with the office manager. It's his or her job to intervene if one of the employees is being harassed.

DEAR ABBY: My dad and I are partners in a home-based business. He has repeatedly told me he wants our business to be successful. However, when it's time to put his nose to the grindstone, he makes up one excuse after another and leaves it to me.

I love my dad. However, I have wasted a lot of time and money trying to get him to fulfill his responsibilities. Should I give up and work the business on my own? -- DISENCHANTED DAUGHTER IN CANADA

DEAR DISENCHANTED: Perhaps your father is finding the business stressful and would like to be bought out. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him and ask him if that's the case.

P.S. It is important that you talk to a lawyer about this "partnership" before you invest more time and money in the business.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column about a father explaining "the birds and the bees" to his 7-year-old son brought back the memory of my experience with my 6-year-old son.

I sat him in front of the television to watch a program on human reproduction. After the show, he told me that he understood everything except how the male seed got to the female egg. I said he was too young to know, and I would tell him when he was a teen-ager. He threw up his hands and said by that time, he would have forgotten the question.

After some pleading and a solemn promise not to tell his mother where he'd gotten his information, I told him. He stared at the wall for about 20 seconds, turned, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Dad, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard." -- R.W., RAYMOND, N.H.

DEAR R.W.: I'm sure his opinion changed once his testosterone kicked in. Read on for a story that approaches the subject from a different angle:

DEAR ABBY: The letters about children learning the facts of life reminded me of this old story:

A country doctor went to deliver a baby. The expectant mother's 5-year-old son was with her and the delivery was imminent.

The house had no electricity, so the doctor brought out his lantern. He instructed the little fellow to hold the lantern while he delivered the baby. After the baby was born, the doctor spanked it and it began to cry.

Turning to the little boy, the doctor asked, "Well, son, what do you think of your baby brother?" "Hit him again," the boy replied. "He ought not to have climbed up there in the first place." -- ROWENA IN KANSAS CITY, KAN.

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DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years. You are usually right on the money. While having my morning coffee today and reading your column, I came across your reply to "Mother Under Pressure." I couldn't believe you advised that woman that her 10-year-old daughter should be allowed to shave her legs so she could fit in with her friends.

What's next, Abby? When her daughter comes home and says her friends are having sex, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, then she should join them in this irresponsible behavior? Do you not think parents should have standards and maintain them? By the way, my daughter, who will be 17 next month, agrees with me. I'm disappointed in you, Abby. -- OUTRAGED MOM, ERWIN, TENN.

DEAR OUTRAGED MOM: I advised the mother as I did out of compassion for the girl. When a girl asks her mother for permission to shave her legs, it is usually because she is self-conscious. And as a formerly furry child myself, I know how embarrassing that can be. I do not equate that decision with having sex, doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Shaving, when done correctly, is harmless. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl writing in response to "Mother Under Pressure," who was debating letting her 10-year-old daughter shave her legs.

The girl should be allowed to shave. I know how hard it can be to be different, and she will have to shave sooner or later -- so she may as well save herself some embarrassment.

I had an 11-year-old friend who was not allowed to shave, and even her friends were talking behind her back about how odd she looked.

Please tell "Mother Under Pressure" that we girls are under pressure, too. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR BEEN THERE: That's true, and when a child is made fun of by her peers, it can color the way she feels about herself for a very long time. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I want to say how right you were in your advice to "Mother Under Pressure." My mother wouldn't let me shave my legs until she finally gave in to my begging and pleading midway through seventh grade. She resisted because she didn't want me to "grow up too fast." I still clearly remember the shame and humiliation I felt about my hairy legs during gym class. It was devastating to my self-confidence at that age.

When my two daughters were young, I made it clear that it was THEIR decision to make whenever they wanted to shave. One started in fourth grade and the other in fifth grade.

You are absolutely right about girls wanting to blend in at that age. Shaving is a harmless way to do so. -- GAIL D., BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR GAIL: Thank you for the support. I would like to add one thing, however. If a girl is just beginning to shave her legs, an electric razor and a few pointers on how to use it are a wise investment. That way there will be fewer scars on her legs later on.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)