DEAR ABBY: In April 1986, you printed a letter from a woman who had lost a child and subsequently started stealing things from a friend.

Please run it again. I know it would be helpful for people who are suffering loss. God bless you. -- MRS. N. IN CARLSBAD, CALIF.

DEAR MRS. N.: Grief can manifest itself in many different ways. I'm pleased to print that letter again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago my 2-year-old son died tragically. His death was a great shock to me. I expected to go through the normal grieving process, and I did.

However, something unexpected happened. I started to steal. I had no use for anything I took, but I was helpless to stop. Even more disturbing, I stole from people I love and am very close to. This began soon after the death of my son and stopped a few months ago.

The death of my son and the terrible guilt I felt over stealing nearly drove me to suicide twice.

I want very much to return the items I took and apologize to the owners. However, I am afraid they will probably say they "understand," but they'll never trust me in their homes again.

Please don't tell me to seek professional help because my compulsion to steal seems to have left me as quickly as it came.

I need some answers. I've never stolen anything in my life before this. Why did I steal -- especially from people I'm close to? The guilt and confusion are weighing me down. Please help me. I want to make everything better, but I don't know how. -- CONFUSED AND GUILTY

DEAR CONFUSED: Your compulsion to steal (transitory kleptomania) was triggered by your tragic loss. You unconsciously tried to compensate for your loss by taking from others because something had been taken from you. You stole from those close to you because you unconsciously envied and resented them for not having had to suffer the way you did.

You need more help than I can give you in a letter. You seem to be a fine and decent person who was temporarily destabilized by a terrible loss. You stole to "equalize" things. Forgive yourself, my friend. What you did was sick, and sickness is no crime.

You need absolution and counseling. Please see a therapist and a clergyperson if you have one.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question and I'm getting a variety of answers, so I'm hoping you can help.

Almost two years ago, I purchased an engagement ring for my fiancee. Things did not work out, and I still have the ring. Can I give it to someone in the future? Or do I have to get rid of it and buy a new one when the time comes?

I love this ring, Abby. I've been told I could give it to someone else as long as I never reveal that it was originally purchased for my former fiancee. However, if I kept that secret, I'd feel like I was lying. Please tell me what you think. -- ATLANTA GENT

DEAR GENT: Since it is unlikely that you would be able to sell or trade the engagement ring for what you paid for it, remove the stone from the setting. When you meet "Miss Right," she can have the stone put in a setting of her choosing, and then it will be truly hers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from the "Grinch" who didn't want her elderly neighbor intruding on her family Christmas morning.

My husband was in the military during Christmas 1964. While he was overseas, my three small children and I lived in a neighborhood with a large number of retired people.

Early Christmas morning, an elderly woman from across the street arrived unexpectedly with gifts. She said she wanted to come while the kids were still opening their presents and the gift wrappings and ribbon were all over the floor. She had no family of her own and wished to be part of our family's celebration.

My children, grandchildren and I still celebrate together on Christmas mornings. My husband survived the war, but has since died. That dear elderly neighbor has long since passed on, but my children and I speak of her lovingly each Christmas morning as we open gifts among paper and ribbons scattered on the floor.

I hope "Grinch" will rethink her outlook. She should realize that sharing the joy of Christmas with others will teach her children a precious lesson for years to come. -- A FLORIDA GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: You're a woman with a heart of gold. As "Grinch's" letter shows, some people are more territorial about their families and holidays than you are. I agree that sharing the holidays would be a valuable lesson for the children. A joy shared is twice a joy.

DEAR ABBY: As regular readers of your column know, more and more often the bereaved are giving themselves permission to break away from formalized funeral rituals and creating final memorials that are in keeping with the expressed wishes of their deceased loved ones.

As president-elect of an association dedicated to affordable alternatives to conventional funerals, I urge your readers to:

(1) Take time now to preplan and discuss with family their wishes for this final event.

(2) When that time arrives, exercise your rights to create a memorial that is in keeping with the close family's expressed desires.

(3) Do not be intimidated by those who insist that you are doing the loved one a disservice by not having a conventional funeral.

Thank you for helping us to shed some light on this issue, Abby. -- TOM SIMONSON, CREMATION ASSOCIATION OF NORTH AMERICA

DEAR TOM: I'm pleased to post your gentle reminder for any reader who needs encouragement. Talking about the inevitable isn't easy; sometimes it's difficult to get people who love us to listen to such an unpleasant subject.

However, the most practical way around those defenses is to make clear, well before the need arises, that you want your family to keep as many of your assets as possible.

A funeral procession that rivals the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace may be a great spectacle, but it's a little late for the star of the show. The time to show respect and affection to those we love is while they are living.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I started college last fall and moved into a dorm. My roommate and I get along great. She sleeps in the nude. It shocked me at first, but the weather was hot, so I tried it. Now I wouldn't sleep any other way.

Last week, while I was visiting my family, my mother came into my room to wake me. She saw my bare shoulders and correctly assumed I was nude underneath the blankets. You should have seen her reaction! She is now convinced that I am sexually active, which I am not. She thinks my roommate and I must be lesbians. (We're both straight.) She says what I am doing is immoral and un-Christian.

Abby, I am a very religious person. I cannot see how sleeping in the nude is immoral. I don't talk about it or prance around nude. Am I missing something? How can I convince Mother that what I'm doing is really OK? -- FEELING THE HEAT

DEAR FEELING THE HEAT: Nudity is not immoral; it has nothing to do with religion. It is not an indication of sexual activity or lack of it. Nudity is simply a state of undress. You are comfortable with it; your mother is not. You probably can't convince a person who feels that nudity is fundamentally wrong that it's OK. Part of growing up is learning to listen to our conscience and deciding what's right for us. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Jenny," sleeps at her best friend's house about once a month. Her friend has a double bed, which they share. I have been fine with this. I have slept in the same bed with other women, and there was nothing sexual about it.

Since last summer, Jenny has been sleeping in the nude. I don't have a problem with that, either. She doesn't parade around the house naked and is quite modest. I started sleeping in the nude when I was 18. Again, there was nothing sexual about it.

The other day, I asked Jenny if she slept in the nude when she was at her friend's house. She said they both did. It has been bothering me ever since. I can't help feeling their friendship is sexual. I'm afraid asking her outright would make her angry or might result in her lying to me, since she knows I would not approve of her having sex with anyone at this age.

Abby, do you think it's possible two 16-year-old girls could share the same bed naked and not be sexually involved? What can I do to ease my mind? -- SUSPICIOUS MOM IN NAPA, CALIF.

DEAR SUSPICIOUS MOM: Yes, I do think it's possible. However, your question is intriguing. Are there any other reasons you are suspicious? Has she shown an interest in boys?

Your daughter will not become defensive when you talk to her about her sexual orientation unless you appear accusatory or judgmental. Although time may answer your question for you, you and she are overdue for a frank and loving mother-daughter chat. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I recently heard the best way to sleep soundly is to keep your feet and hands warm. The image I had from this report was: Sleep with socks and mittens, but nothing else.

A few days later, another article claimed that when you sleep totally nude, heat is more evenly distributed, thus you sleep more comfortably, even in the cold of winter.

What have you heard about sleeping in the nude? -- NUDIST IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

DEAR NUDIST: Only this: Heat escapes from the top of the head and the bottom of the feet. So to conserve body heat, wear socks and a ski cap. And pray that anyone who sees you doesn't die laughing.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)