DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old divorced woman with a 2-year-old daughter. The problem is, an old boyfriend I dated in college -- I'll call him Russell -- heard about my divorce and has asked me to marry him.

Abby, I am not ready for another relationship. After several years of trauma, I have just gotten my life in order.

I told Russell we should start off slowly and keep our 15-year friendship as it was, but he won't take no for an answer.

Please don't get me wrong. I really like Russell. How do I let him down gently without jeopardizing our friendship? -- BEWILDERED IN BOSTON

DEAR BEWILDERED: It's possible that Russell is putting on the full-court press because he lost you once and doesn't want to risk losing you again. However, by pressuring you, he's going about it the wrong way.

It's reasonable and sensible that you want time to regain your balance after a bad marriage. You need time to determine what's best for you and your child. Remember, it is in your power to control what happens. When Russell calls, it's your prerogative whether or not to be available.

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself a happily married woman, and have been since 1988. My husband has always said he's happy, too, but he is too flirtatious to suit me.

An example: Our attorney hired a new secretary whom we've seen several times. This morning, my husband's cell phone rang, and he was suddenly laughing and talking animatedly with this female about her job and everything else under the sun.

Later he told me who it was on the phone, with a long explanation about why she called. Abby, I think it's dangerous for a married man to become personal so quickly. We own several businesses, and it's always the same thing -- he visits female "customers" in the hospital, stops by their work, etc. When I express concern, he says that I'm being jealous -- that they're only "friends."

I'm getting more than a little concerned about my marriage. My question is, should a husband have friends his wife has never met? -- ALONE IN PARADISE, NASSAU, BAHAMAS

DEAR ALONE: Your husband appears to be a people-oriented person -- outgoing, easy to talk to, and a clever businessman. If he hasn't given you any cause to doubt his fidelity since 1988, please give him the benefit of the doubt.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, "Noel," recently confided to me that she's having an affair with a married man. I know this man and his wife; they have a newborn baby. I also learned Noel has been unfaithful many times during her 11-year marriage to my sweet brother-in-law. Abby, although I find Noel's behavior absolutely disgusting, I have no intention of telling any family members about her adultery.

I need advice on how to handle everything she tells me. Noel and I were once close, but I do not want her to think I support or condone what she is doing. Frankly, I would like to distance myself from her. I think she is bad news. What do you think I should do? -- DISGUSTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Be honest with her. Tell her that you think people are going to be badly hurt because of what she's doing -- and you want no part of it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please reprint a letter you ran a few years ago from a gay man who was single, but wanted to be straight so he could fulfill his dream of marrying and having children.

I am a 38-year-old married gay man. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this issue. My wife and I are being divorced. The truth came out after I went into rehab after becoming addicted to prescription pain medication.

I realize I have made a mess of everything. I love my wife of 15 years, but I am unable to love her the way she deserves. -- BETTER OFF OUT

DEAR BETTER OFF: I have had many requests for that letter since it originally appeared, and I'm pleased to print it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'll get right to the point -- I am gay, but I don't like being gay. I want a wife and children. I also have a career in which further advancement would be very difficult if it becomes known that I am gay. Psychiatrists and other therapists I have consulted have tried to help me to adjust to my homosexuality rather than help me to change.

Abby, adjusting to homosexuality is fine for those who have accepted their homosexuality, but I have not. I know I'd be happier straight. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY

DEAR UNHAPPY: Did you choose to be homosexual? If so, you could choose to be "straight." But if you have always had erotic feelings for men instead of women, then face it, you are homosexual -- and even though you may be able to change your behavior, you will not be able to change your feelings.

Some therapists insist that if a homosexual is sufficiently motivated, he or she can become "straight" again. Maybe so, but the chances are slim. Marrying and having children may make you happier, but what about the other people you involve?

To thine own self be true. Only then will you find true happiness.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years and have a 10-year-old daughter, "Candace," who lives with me. My ex-husband, "Chet," and I are friendly. I have a full-time job, work part time on the weekends, and go to school two nights a week. I'll get my B.S. degree next July.

Chet has offered to keep Candace on nights when I go to school. I have always been very flexible about the time she spends with her father. Mother thinks I am giving Candace the wrong message. I have talked with my daughter, and she knows her daddy and I will not be getting back together. We are only friends. Mother says I need to prove to Candace that we are not reconciling. She says Chet shouldn't be with my daughter in my home on the nights I go to school or even on weekends when I am working.

Mother says I have depended upon others my whole life. That's a big joke. I have been on my own since I was 17. Mother thinks I need to start depending upon myself more. What do you think? -- CONFUSED MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED MOM: I wish all divorces were as amicable as yours. It seems you're doing everything right. I can only conclude that your mother does not want your daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father. That said, maybe it's time to discount what your mother thinks. You're a big girl now, and the important thing is what YOU believe.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The holiday season is finally over -- and a lot of people are breathing a collective sigh of relief. The pressure of trying to maintain a greeting-card kind of family facade is overwhelming for families already experiencing problems. Parents aren't going to stop fighting because it's suddenly the time for peace and love. And Johnny isn't going to stop acting out, no matter how much everyone wishes differently.

Family dynamics is the reason cited by nearly 43 percent of kids who have run away -- or are thinking about running away from home.

Parents should be especially alert to changes in their child's behavior, including increased stress, withdrawal or overwhelming unhappiness. These are warning signs of a child in crisis, one who may run away to avoid stressful situations. Open communication with children is vital to keep them from turning elsewhere. Taking the time to listen now may prevent a serious problem later.

The National Runaway Switchboard is the federally designated communication system for homeless, runaway and at-risk youth. It is confidential, volunteer-based and not-for-profit.

Please, Abby, encourage young people who are considering running away, and those who already have, as well as parents with children in crisis to call our hotline, (800) 621-4000, before an act of desperation is committed. -- CATHLEEN CAROLAN, NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD

DEAR CATHLEEN: Thank you for a timely and important letter. The streets of major cities are often the only "home" young runaways are able to find. Once on the streets, they are at risk for physical violence, disease and exploitation. They become victims of crime or even resort to crime themselves in order to survive.

Since 1971, the National Runaway Switchboard has been a valuable tool for runaway youth, teens in crisis and concerned friends and family members. It provides confidential crisis intervention and referral services on a 24-hour hotline. It also offers message relay between runaways and parents or legal guardians, education and outreach services, and administers the Home Free program in partnership with Greyhound Lines Inc. (All services are free.)

The National Runaway Switchboard publishes the Parent Information Guide, which helps parents identify signs that their child may be contemplating running away from home, what to do if a child runs away, and how to deal with the child's return. The guide is also free to anyone who contacts the hotline.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are planning our wedding and reception. Is it proper to invite guests to the reception only? We'd much prefer to keep the ceremony simple and private with only immediate family. -- BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: According to "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette," it's proper to invite guests to the reception only. This is often done in second marriages. In such cases, a verbal invitation is given for the wedding ceremony, while all guests receive a formal invitation to the reception.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)