DEAR ABBY: The holiday season is finally over -- and a lot of people are breathing a collective sigh of relief. The pressure of trying to maintain a greeting-card kind of family facade is overwhelming for families already experiencing problems. Parents aren't going to stop fighting because it's suddenly the time for peace and love. And Johnny isn't going to stop acting out, no matter how much everyone wishes differently.

Family dynamics is the reason cited by nearly 43 percent of kids who have run away -- or are thinking about running away from home.

Parents should be especially alert to changes in their child's behavior, including increased stress, withdrawal or overwhelming unhappiness. These are warning signs of a child in crisis, one who may run away to avoid stressful situations. Open communication with children is vital to keep them from turning elsewhere. Taking the time to listen now may prevent a serious problem later.

The National Runaway Switchboard is the federally designated communication system for homeless, runaway and at-risk youth. It is confidential, volunteer-based and not-for-profit.

Please, Abby, encourage young people who are considering running away, and those who already have, as well as parents with children in crisis to call our hotline, (800) 621-4000, before an act of desperation is committed. -- CATHLEEN CAROLAN, NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD

DEAR CATHLEEN: Thank you for a timely and important letter. The streets of major cities are often the only "home" young runaways are able to find. Once on the streets, they are at risk for physical violence, disease and exploitation. They become victims of crime or even resort to crime themselves in order to survive.

Since 1971, the National Runaway Switchboard has been a valuable tool for runaway youth, teens in crisis and concerned friends and family members. It provides confidential crisis intervention and referral services on a 24-hour hotline. It also offers message relay between runaways and parents or legal guardians, education and outreach services, and administers the Home Free program in partnership with Greyhound Lines Inc. (All services are free.)

The National Runaway Switchboard publishes the Parent Information Guide, which helps parents identify signs that their child may be contemplating running away from home, what to do if a child runs away, and how to deal with the child's return. The guide is also free to anyone who contacts the hotline.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are planning our wedding and reception. Is it proper to invite guests to the reception only? We'd much prefer to keep the ceremony simple and private with only immediate family. -- BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: According to "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette," it's proper to invite guests to the reception only. This is often done in second marriages. In such cases, a verbal invitation is given for the wedding ceremony, while all guests receive a formal invitation to the reception.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Steve," whose wife, "Marie," died five years ago. Marie was one of the most popular and beloved ladies in town. Their child was left without a mother. Steve remarried about two years ago. Marie's mother continued to stay in close contact with Steve and her grandchild.

Recently, Steve approached me at a social function. He was beaming. He told me he was buying a new house. He said his former mother-in-law had told him in plain English to put away Marie's pictures and buy his wife a new home.

Apparently the mother-in-law is a lot like her daughter -- charming, thoughtful and considerate. -- STEVE'S FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: Marie's mother is also sensitive and practical. Orchids to her. I usually receive letters from readers complaining about their mothers-in-law. It's refreshing to hear the other side of the story. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, who is now 89, has lived with our family for more than 30 years. Her name is Collette, but everyone calls her Goldie. I don't know when people began calling her that, but I do know she is worth her weight in gold.

Goldie has devoted a large portion of her life to helping my family. We have had to hire a baby sitter only twice for our three children the entire time they were growing up. Goldie cooked the majority of our evening meals. She helped to wash and iron to the point where my wife had to start hiding our clothes to stop her mother from working so hard. She watched our dogs during the day, and they preferred her company over ours.

Whenever my family needed Goldie, she was there. She is very considerate. If she feels we need our privacy, she goes to her living quarters. We often beg her to stay, but she won't change her mind. We learned early on not to impose our wills on Goldie.

I feel sorry for people who don't have a Goldie in their lives. When she is no longer with us, I will forever feel the loss. -- TOM, HER SON-IN-LAW

DEAR TOM: What a glowing tribute for a son-in-law to offer. You're a lucky family to have each other. It would be wonderful if more families could enjoy the love and cooperation between generations that yours does. Perhaps the secret lies in mutual respect for each other's boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Your wisdom is remarkable. You told "Confused in West Sacramento" that "Happiness is where you find it; age is a state of mind."

I married my lovely Blanche on Sept. 15, 1951. We just celebrated our 50th anniversary at Fancy Feet Ballroom in Oregon City. We danced an exhibition ballroom cha-cha and enjoyed dancing with our many friends. Our son's band furnished two terrific hours of music.

Blanche is now 74; I am 96. (I have a daughter one year older than Blanche.) Love, good nutrition, dancing, gardening and mutual intellectual interests keep us active and happy. Our first date was at the Palladium in Hollywood, Calif. We have danced together with joy ever since! -- HARRY F. BILLINGS, SALEM, ORE.

DEAR HARRY: Your letter proves that dancing not only lifts the spirits, but also provides healthy cardiovascular exercise that can add quality to a long life. The same can be said of love -- which you also have in abundance. May it ever be thus. (I have a hunch your wife loves to dance to "I'm Just Wild About Harry"!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Angry Mother in Texas," who was offended when "Uncle Pete" (who is schizophrenic) voiced his concerns that her 8-year-old son might also have a mental illness. You were right to advise her to have her son evaluated.

I am a patient care coordinator for a pediatric outpatient facility. I talk to parents who call our facility seeking help for the first time.

Recently I spoke with a woman whose seventh-grader was showing signs of mental instability. She said her daughter had always been different, but now she was having more difficulty than ever. The mother was heartbroken that her daughter had no friends and no one to talk to. Mom knew she was in denial, but she wanted to protect her daughter from being labeled. Resistant to seeking mental health services, Mom finally agreed to a neurologic evaluation with our pediatric neurologist.

Before that visit could occur, the mother called me again expressing concern about her daughter's behavior. After consultation with our psychiatrist, the girl was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for intensive treatment.

Abby, as parents, our instincts are to protect our children. That mother had tried everything from divorcing her husband, to moving to a different city, to placing her daughter in a private school. Had she sought evaluation and treatment sooner, it is likely that therapy and medication could have managed the child's symptoms and saved them all much heartache, turmoil and expense.

Sometimes parents are blinded by love and do not see their children with open eyes. I hope "Angry Mother" takes your advice, if only to put her fears to rest. -- A CARING MOTHER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CARING MOTHER: So do I. The most responsible and loving thing parents can do is to be certain that their children's health is absolutely sound, both physically and mentally. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Angry Mother in Texas":

PLEASE have your child checked. My cousin is autistic and mentally retarded. When his mother (my aunt) first saw my youngest son at the age of 1, she told me he should be tested. I was so upset I ignored her.

Luckily, our pediatrician also suspected there might be a problem and had my child tested. My son is also autistic. Knowing and understanding the disability has helped our family as well as my son.

I apologized to my aunt for doubting her. My son says he loves visiting "Aunt Betty" the best because she understands his autism. -- ANOTHER TEXAS MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Some parents fail to realize that having a child with a mental illness is not a reflection on themselves or their parenting ability. The elephant in the living room can't be denied forever, and the sooner the child receives proper diagnosis and treatment, the better for the child and the family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning the letter about ethnic stereotyping. Comedian Red Skelton used to tell a story that perfectly ridiculed such stereotyping:

A man was seated next to a Chinese gentleman at a banquet. Attempting to make conversation, the man said in Chinese pidgin, "You likee food?"

Just then his table partner was introduced to the crowd. He walked to the dais and delivered a beautiful speech in perfect English. When he returned to the table, he turned to his seat partner and said, "You likee speech?" -- JACK RUNNINGER, ROME, GA.

DEAR JACK: I'm sure the man was left speechless.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)