DEAR ABBY: This is for "Angry Mother in Texas," who was offended when "Uncle Pete" (who is schizophrenic) voiced his concerns that her 8-year-old son might also have a mental illness. You were right to advise her to have her son evaluated.

I am a patient care coordinator for a pediatric outpatient facility. I talk to parents who call our facility seeking help for the first time.

Recently I spoke with a woman whose seventh-grader was showing signs of mental instability. She said her daughter had always been different, but now she was having more difficulty than ever. The mother was heartbroken that her daughter had no friends and no one to talk to. Mom knew she was in denial, but she wanted to protect her daughter from being labeled. Resistant to seeking mental health services, Mom finally agreed to a neurologic evaluation with our pediatric neurologist.

Before that visit could occur, the mother called me again expressing concern about her daughter's behavior. After consultation with our psychiatrist, the girl was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for intensive treatment.

Abby, as parents, our instincts are to protect our children. That mother had tried everything from divorcing her husband, to moving to a different city, to placing her daughter in a private school. Had she sought evaluation and treatment sooner, it is likely that therapy and medication could have managed the child's symptoms and saved them all much heartache, turmoil and expense.

Sometimes parents are blinded by love and do not see their children with open eyes. I hope "Angry Mother" takes your advice, if only to put her fears to rest. -- A CARING MOTHER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CARING MOTHER: So do I. The most responsible and loving thing parents can do is to be certain that their children's health is absolutely sound, both physically and mentally. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Angry Mother in Texas":

PLEASE have your child checked. My cousin is autistic and mentally retarded. When his mother (my aunt) first saw my youngest son at the age of 1, she told me he should be tested. I was so upset I ignored her.

Luckily, our pediatrician also suspected there might be a problem and had my child tested. My son is also autistic. Knowing and understanding the disability has helped our family as well as my son.

I apologized to my aunt for doubting her. My son says he loves visiting "Aunt Betty" the best because she understands his autism. -- ANOTHER TEXAS MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Some parents fail to realize that having a child with a mental illness is not a reflection on themselves or their parenting ability. The elephant in the living room can't be denied forever, and the sooner the child receives proper diagnosis and treatment, the better for the child and the family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning the letter about ethnic stereotyping. Comedian Red Skelton used to tell a story that perfectly ridiculed such stereotyping:

A man was seated next to a Chinese gentleman at a banquet. Attempting to make conversation, the man said in Chinese pidgin, "You likee food?"

Just then his table partner was introduced to the crowd. He walked to the dais and delivered a beautiful speech in perfect English. When he returned to the table, he turned to his seat partner and said, "You likee speech?" -- JACK RUNNINGER, ROME, GA.

DEAR JACK: I'm sure the man was left speechless.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Your Dec. 21 column featured a letter from a reader who is concerned because an elderly friend is unable to hear the audible signal from his smoke alarm. Your reader is right to be concerned. Smoke alarms provide the early warning of fire that makes it possible to escape. Every household needs working smoke alarms on each level of the home, and all members of the household must be able to react quickly to the alarm.

For people with hearing impairments, special smoke detection devices with louder alarms or strobe lights are available.

In addition to common audible-signal smoke alarms, many manufacturers now market a wide variety of signaling devices that -- when combined -- meet the needs of all people. Residents interested in purchasing these devices should contact their local fire department for information on manufacturers and local distributors.

Smoke alarms are an essential element of home fire protection. Everyone should have the life-saving protection afforded by this important technology. Thank you for helping your readers with hearing impairments learn how they can be better protected. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT AND CEO, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR GEORGE: And thank YOU for continuing to be a valuable resource for my readers and me. My readers will be pleased to know that detailed fact sheets on smoke alarms and other fire protection devices can be downloaded by visiting the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) online at www.nfpa.org.

Not only are smoke alarms with strobe lights as well as audible alarms available, there's even one that can be placed beneath one's pillow or between the mattress and box spring that vibrates when smoke is detected.

A magazine called Hearing Loss, published by Self Help for Hard of Hearing People, 7910 Woodmont Ave., Suite 1200, Bethesda, MD 20814-3015, also keeps subscribers abreast of other safety products such as assisted-living devices, doorbells, special telephones, etc.

Every household needs at least one working fire alarm. The inability to hear one is no longer a reason for not having that kind of essential protection.

DEAR ABBY: My boss, "Adam," is 43. I am 50. We are both divorced. We have become very close during the three years we have worked together. I have two adult children. He has none.

Adam and I spend a great deal of time together -- at work and socially -- but always on a platonic basis. The problem is, I have fallen in love with him. I realize that an on-the-job romance -- especially between a boss and a subordinate -- would be a big mistake. However, I know he cares a great deal for me, although he does not share my romantic feelings.

Abby, I am having a hard time hiding my emotions when he dates other women. It impacts my work performance. I feel it would be best for me to look for another job. He told me that if I were a true friend I would want him to be happy and to marry someone who could be the mother of his children. I do want Adam to be happy, and I love my job, but I have deep feelings for him. He thinks it is selfish of me to want to leave. Do you? -- IT'S TOUGH TO BE IN LOVE BY MYSELF

DEAR IT'S TOUGH: I do not think your desire to leave is selfish. Quite the contrary. It's selfish of him to try to make you feel guilty for wanting to leave. You'd have to be a masochist to stay.

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DEAR ABBY: My beloved 93-year-old Grandma Beanie passed away recently. She was kind and gentle, and we were lucky to have her as long as we did. Her funeral gave my family and me time to reflect on what is really important in life.

What I remember and cherish most about Grandma Beanie are not the material things she gave me over the years. In fact, I can't remember a single toy she gave me as a child, although there were many.

What I DO remember are the countless times she let me help her make strawberry jam; the afternoon she took us kids into the woods and taught us how to hunt for mushrooms; the nights she patiently played Yahtzee with us; the fact that she made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies in the world; and how she loved it when we took her out for Chinese food.

There are many more memories. The point is, she did not share herself in material ways, but rather in the love she showed in everything she did with us.

When this world of ours seems scary, please remember that the child's hand you hold today -- and the time spent with the child -- is what makes this world a better place. -- CATHY IN MASON CITY, IOWA

DEAR CATHY: Right you are. You were fortunate to have had such a positive role model in your life. The most precious gift a person can give is a gift of self.

DEAR ABBY: A friend sent me a clipping that I think is very worthwhile, so I'm passing it along to you.

Wouldn't it be great if everyone would follow these rules? -- HAPPY GRANNY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HAPPY GRANNY: It certainly would. There would be a lot less stress in the world. Read on:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE

(1) Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

(2) Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

(3) Thou shalt face each problem as it comes. You can handle only one at a time.

(4) Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.

(5) Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

(6) Thou shalt not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.

(7) Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It's very hard to learn something new when you're talking.

(8) Thou shalt not try to re-live yesterday for good or ill -- it is gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.

(9) Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration, for 50 percent of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive actions.

(10) Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones -- for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.