DEAR ABBY: My beloved 93-year-old Grandma Beanie passed away recently. She was kind and gentle, and we were lucky to have her as long as we did. Her funeral gave my family and me time to reflect on what is really important in life.

What I remember and cherish most about Grandma Beanie are not the material things she gave me over the years. In fact, I can't remember a single toy she gave me as a child, although there were many.

What I DO remember are the countless times she let me help her make strawberry jam; the afternoon she took us kids into the woods and taught us how to hunt for mushrooms; the nights she patiently played Yahtzee with us; the fact that she made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies in the world; and how she loved it when we took her out for Chinese food.

There are many more memories. The point is, she did not share herself in material ways, but rather in the love she showed in everything she did with us.

When this world of ours seems scary, please remember that the child's hand you hold today -- and the time spent with the child -- is what makes this world a better place. -- CATHY IN MASON CITY, IOWA

DEAR CATHY: Right you are. You were fortunate to have had such a positive role model in your life. The most precious gift a person can give is a gift of self.

DEAR ABBY: A friend sent me a clipping that I think is very worthwhile, so I'm passing it along to you.

Wouldn't it be great if everyone would follow these rules? -- HAPPY GRANNY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HAPPY GRANNY: It certainly would. There would be a lot less stress in the world. Read on:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE

(1) Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

(2) Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

(3) Thou shalt face each problem as it comes. You can handle only one at a time.

(4) Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.

(5) Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

(6) Thou shalt not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.

(7) Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It's very hard to learn something new when you're talking.

(8) Thou shalt not try to re-live yesterday for good or ill -- it is gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.

(9) Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration, for 50 percent of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive actions.

(10) Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones -- for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: How is a great-grandmother supposed to feel when her great-grandchild calls to tell her he has a child who was born out of wedlock?

The father is 18 and the mother is 16. Both are school dropouts, no jobs and no place to call home.

I do not resent the baby. It did not ask to be born. But I do resent the idea of bringing an innocent child into the world out of wedlock.

My great-grandchild was baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church, but once he got out of our sight, he strayed and thinks nothing of "shacking up."

I don't care to have the baby's mother come to visit us, but I cannot turn them away if they come to my door. Please respond, before they call to say they're coming. -- DISGUSTED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your feelings are understandable and you are entitled to them. However, being kind and friendly doesn't mean you have to approve. You are under no obligation to invite them to your home -- but if they show up, be charitable. They need all the kindness they can get.

DEAR ABBY: While you're on the subject of pantyhose, this story may win the blue ribbon.

Fifteen years ago, we rented a sailing yawl with several friends to see the sights of the San Juan Islands in Washington state. When we arrived in Friday Harbor, my cousin Dave, an ingenious chemical engineer, bought several pair of cheap pantyhose at the local drugstore. When we asked why, he said mysteriously, "You'll see."

A few days later, we were moored in a shallow harbor off one of the islands. David had been fishing earlier that week and had saved some fish guts and heads. He stuffed them into the toes of the pantyhose, tied the waist to a rope, and lowered the rope into the calm waters until the pantyhose and bait hit the bottom. Fifteen minutes later, he pulled the rope up -- and there were several crabs dangling from the pantyhose. Apparently the claws of the crab caught in the mesh of the hosiery and they couldn't free themselves! We grabbed a colander and scooped crabs onto the deck every 15 minutes until we had reached our limit. After checking for correct size and gender, we kept the legal ones, boiled and cleaned them, and had a Crab Louie feast for dinner. Leave it to an engineer to figure out the most compact crab trap for seafood lovers. -- ELAINE JACOBS, TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR ELAINE: That was ingenious! And if you also have an appetite for catfish, read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the lady who was on the road in an RV in Arizona prompts my own. They had a broken fan belt on their engine and a truck driver repaired it temporarily with a pair of pantyhose. The story reminded me of an experience we had years ago on a family camping and fishing trip.

When we got to the river, we discovered the men had forgotten to bring their net to catch minnows for bait. Well, sometimes a person has to get inventive. I went into the camper and came out with a pair of pantyhose. My son snapped a branch from a tree and attached the pantyhose to it. It made a first-class minnow net. Our fishermen got a pantyhose full of minnows, which attracted lots of delicious catfish. -- MARY THOMPSON, WATHENA, KAN.

DEAR MARY: Now that's one heck of a fish story if I ever heard one.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago, a letter appeared in your column from a woman who was debating whether to return to college. She said if she attended part time, it would take eight years to get a degree, and she'd be 45 years old. You told her in eight years she would be 45 years old anyway, and not to let that dissuade her. Your response struck a chord with me.

Shortly after reading that column, I decided to go back to school. I had attended college twice in my early 20s, but lacking direction, I dropped out twice. I always knew I was smart, but I was ashamed to say I had only a high school education.

So, at 38, I visited my local community college and talked to a counselor. I was terrified. I had no idea how to enroll in classes or what classes to take.

Going back to school was the best thing I ever did. It opened my mind to new ideas and improved my self-confidence and self-esteem. I found that being an older adult in a class of younger people was not so bad. I had a wealth of personal experience to draw upon, and although I had to budget my time and study hard, I had no problem getting good grades.

It took seven years, but I graduated from a university with a B.S. with honors and a 3.96 GPA. I was 44 years old and the first in my family to graduate from college. My entire family came to the ceremony. It was one of the proudest moments in my life.

Since graduation, I have received two promotions at work and am currently working on my master's degree. I will be 50 by the time I finish.

Abby, I want to thank you for printing that letter. During the years I was working full time and attending school, I never forgot your reply to that woman. It was my "rallying cry" and kept me motivated. -- ELLEN CONLEY, OAK HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR ELLEN: Every time I print that letter or one similar, I receive letters such as yours. The rewards you are enjoying have come because of your own efforts, and I'm sure your letter will serve as a "rallying cry," as well as an inspiration, to many others.

Congratulations on your academic and business successes. They are well earned.

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to the letter from "Proud to Be Me in California," who had been teased from early childhood. "Proud" developed an eating disorder and became convinced she was flawed. A friend told her to reaffirm her goodness and belief in herself by saying out loud that she was a beautiful and special human being.

This reminded me of a story my husband told. He was a performer and appeared several times on the "Ed Sullivan Show." One night he was standing in the wings waiting to go on. Sammy Davis Jr. was going on ahead of him.

Sammy wore a large ring. Just before he made his entrance, he kissed his ring several times -- each time saying, "You're a star. You're a star." -- MRS. VAUGHN MEADER

DEAR MRS. MEADER: Sometimes even people who seem to have everything need to give themselves a pep talk. Like your husband, Sammy Davis Jr. was a brilliant talent. If that was the secret of his success, it certainly worked.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)