DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letter from "Lost Mother in the Midwest," who suddenly left her family because she was overwhelmed with personal problems and felt unneeded and alone. I know what it's like to be one of the children left behind, and I cannot be silent.

Following are some suggestions I would like to offer for "Lost Mother": First, get professional counseling so you understand what led you to do such a thing. Everyone has problems -- that's part of life. However, you must have the courage to face up to what you've done so you can forgive yourself.

Second, when you're stable enough, contact your children to let them know that you're OK and that you realize you mishandled the situation. They need to know that you are seeking help and that you love them. They will be angry, but they are entitled to their feelings. It will begin the healing process. No matter how painful it may be, it is easier than carrying around a lifetime of guilt and pain.

Third, give your family time to sort out their feelings. At first, they may be reluctant to reconcile with you. It will take time and understanding, and may not produce the kind of relationship you are immediately hoping for.

Last, don't delay! Your doubts and fears might cause you to chicken out. You left your family, so it's your responsibility to make the first move. Every day you wait causes more pain and suffering. Life is too short to prolong this separation. It will be worth it in the end. I wish you and your children well.

I speak from experience. Our mom left us when we were very young. It has been 30 years since we've had any contact with her. We've done everything we know to find her, with no luck.

If I could somehow communicate a message to our mom, it would be this: Everyone makes mistakes, but we can try to make up for them. Love and forgiveness can go a long way. The few memories and mementos we have of you suggest that you were a very loving mother. Your children are well-adjusted, happy people, and we hope this will bring you some comfort. We have forgiven you and want you to know we love you. We still live in the same state where you left us. Life is getting shorter, and we would love to have the opportunity to spend the rest of it with you. So what do you say, Mom? It's your move. -- THE SECOND OF THREE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SECOND: I pray your mother sees your letter and realizes how much a reunion would mean to her children. Where there is life, there is hope.

DEAR ABBY: The reader who claimed the funny story about the drunken geese who were plucked because the owner thought they were dead plagiarized it from "Revenge of the Lawn," written and published by Richard Brautigan. The person probably meant no harm, but Mr. Brautigan deserves acknowledgment. If I'm not mistaken, his book came out in the mid-'60s. -- CYNTHIA PECK, TORONTO

DEAR CYNTHIA: Thank you for the information. Back in 1985 when I first printed the drunken geese story, no one wrote to inform me that it had been taken from a published book. Interestingly, this time several readers have sent me versions of the story, and each of them have claimed it is a true story from their family history.

I'm pleased that Mr. Brautigan has now received the credit he deserves.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife died two years ago. Since then, I have had health problems that make it difficult to live alone.

I tried an assisted-living complex, but when I added up the expenses, my son suggested I move in with them. I thought it was a good idea because I would rather give them the money.

The problem is my 15-year-old granddaughter, "Vanessa." My son and his wife are intelligent people, and I don't understand how they have raised this selfish, inconsiderate, insolent, demanding brat. Vanessa thinks the world revolves around her. If she doesn't get her way, she yells, screams, and says terrible things to her parents -- and they take it! I want to get up and slap her. Even though she is my granddaughter, I find it difficult to like her.

Abby, there are no rules, no discipline, no punishment, no guidelines whatsoever in their home. I can't take her behavior any longer. I want to move out at the end of the month. What do you think? -- HAD IT IN DENVER

DEAR HAD IT: Please don't blame your granddaughter for this situation. In a household where there are no rules, no discipline, no consequences and no guidelines, her attitude and behavior are logical.

It is possible that a better living arrangement for you might be to share a home or apartment with someone closer to you in age. Your local area agency on aging may be able to steer you in the right direction. However, before you make any hard and fast decisions about changing your address, I urge you to have a frank talk with your son and daughter-in-law about the reasons you're making the move.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for more years than I can remember, and have always wanted to read the very first letter that appeared in your column. Would you print it again? -- AIMEE IN MACEDON, N.Y.

DEAR AIMEE: With pleasure! The letter appeared 46 years ago today, on Jan. 9, 1956. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to a paper for advice before, but need help desperately and cannot talk to my family or friends about my problem. I am a private secretary to a well-known executive in the Bay area. I have been employed by him for five years. You may think this sounds cheap, but we are deeply in love. His wife speaks to him only when she wants money and he has no respect or affection for her.

He has told me repeatedly that I am the woman he loves, but we can't consider marriage because it would ruin him financially and socially. In addition to an excellent salary, he has given me an automobile, a fur coat, and he pays my rent. When he takes business trips, I always go along. I am not getting any younger, yet I feel one day he will make me his wife. What do you think? -- CONFIDENT

DEAR CONFIDENT: I think your boss is a super salesman! He did a terrific job when he convinced an intelligent girl like you to give up a decent, respectable life of her own to be available when he whistles. Of course he won't marry you. Why should he? He is getting the whole show for the price of the amusement tax.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was intrigued by the letter from the spry 81-year-old woman with one equally healthy sister, at 90, and one sister with lung disease due to smoking. Her daughters -- both nurses -- want to make posters for all the junior and senior high schools, with pictures of the two "good" sisters climbing mountains or parasailing, and the "bad" sister in her wheelchair, complete with oxygen tank. They think it would be a great visual aid for their anti-smoking campaign.

Why stop there? Why not gather up the pathetic creature in her wheelchair and drag her and her oxygen tank around the junior and senior high schools in person? Her sisters could do cartwheels while she was being exhibited. Maybe they could also provide stones to throw at the evil one.

I've seen letters in your column suggesting that when someone dies of lung disease, the obituary should make that known, and should mention that the dear departed was a smoker (preferably "heavy smoker"). Yet so far I haven't noticed any calls for obituaries noting that "Jane died of a heart attack. She was obese because she ate everything that didn't bite back." Or, "Henry died of liver disease because he drank like a fish." There's no end to the pleasure we could take in looking down our noses at those people who are not as virtuous as we are.

My mother died of emphysema. I wish she had lived longer, but I thank God for letting me have the kind of mother she was. She was kind, compassionate, and never judged anyone harshly, except for people who hurt others. She was the opposite of your smug, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou anti-smoking zealot and her sisters.

To me, anti-smoking fanatics are among the most self-righteous, contemptible, vicious people infesting the world today. -- FED UP WITH COLD-HEARTED HYPOCRITES

DEAR FED UP: I'm sorry the letter hurt or offended you. Frankly, I thought her idea was terrific -- and so did many of my readers:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a nurse for 28 years. I have never seen a more painful, suffering death than one caused by smoking. Pain meds cannot relieve the fact that the very act of breathing has been robbed from them. They slowly suffocate to death. They and their loved ones plead for us, the medical profession, to turn the oxygen higher. Their eyes plead with you. I cry with them, and again where they can't see me. I hold them, love them, but the real answer is and will always be "STOP SMOKING!"

I say, "Go, girls, go!" Thank you wonderful ladies for wanting to contribute to society in your golden years. You are remarkable. Please, don't waste a minute getting that advertisement made. Post it everywhere -- including billboards and TV. -- P.K., CHANTILLY, VA.

DEAR P.K.: Amen! I, too, hope they follow through. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The concept of a poster of the three sisters with the caption, "Guess Which Sister Smoked for 40 Years" is terrific. I work as a volunteer for the American Cancer Society on the Tobacco Control Committee at both the state and local levels. I'd love to access those pictures and see if they could be produced for use in schools. It would be terrific to have authentic people on the poster.

Thank you for your help and awareness of the longest running public health promotion in the United States -- the Great American Smokeout. -- CAROL M. ALLEN, AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR CAROL: Having lost three beloved relatives to cancer because of smoking, I'm pleased to speak out about the danger. Smokers: "Ask not for whom the bell tolls -- it tolls for thee."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)