DEAR ABBY: I was intrigued by the letter from the spry 81-year-old woman with one equally healthy sister, at 90, and one sister with lung disease due to smoking. Her daughters -- both nurses -- want to make posters for all the junior and senior high schools, with pictures of the two "good" sisters climbing mountains or parasailing, and the "bad" sister in her wheelchair, complete with oxygen tank. They think it would be a great visual aid for their anti-smoking campaign.

Why stop there? Why not gather up the pathetic creature in her wheelchair and drag her and her oxygen tank around the junior and senior high schools in person? Her sisters could do cartwheels while she was being exhibited. Maybe they could also provide stones to throw at the evil one.

I've seen letters in your column suggesting that when someone dies of lung disease, the obituary should make that known, and should mention that the dear departed was a smoker (preferably "heavy smoker"). Yet so far I haven't noticed any calls for obituaries noting that "Jane died of a heart attack. She was obese because she ate everything that didn't bite back." Or, "Henry died of liver disease because he drank like a fish." There's no end to the pleasure we could take in looking down our noses at those people who are not as virtuous as we are.

My mother died of emphysema. I wish she had lived longer, but I thank God for letting me have the kind of mother she was. She was kind, compassionate, and never judged anyone harshly, except for people who hurt others. She was the opposite of your smug, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou anti-smoking zealot and her sisters.

To me, anti-smoking fanatics are among the most self-righteous, contemptible, vicious people infesting the world today. -- FED UP WITH COLD-HEARTED HYPOCRITES

DEAR FED UP: I'm sorry the letter hurt or offended you. Frankly, I thought her idea was terrific -- and so did many of my readers:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a nurse for 28 years. I have never seen a more painful, suffering death than one caused by smoking. Pain meds cannot relieve the fact that the very act of breathing has been robbed from them. They slowly suffocate to death. They and their loved ones plead for us, the medical profession, to turn the oxygen higher. Their eyes plead with you. I cry with them, and again where they can't see me. I hold them, love them, but the real answer is and will always be "STOP SMOKING!"

I say, "Go, girls, go!" Thank you wonderful ladies for wanting to contribute to society in your golden years. You are remarkable. Please, don't waste a minute getting that advertisement made. Post it everywhere -- including billboards and TV. -- P.K., CHANTILLY, VA.

DEAR P.K.: Amen! I, too, hope they follow through. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The concept of a poster of the three sisters with the caption, "Guess Which Sister Smoked for 40 Years" is terrific. I work as a volunteer for the American Cancer Society on the Tobacco Control Committee at both the state and local levels. I'd love to access those pictures and see if they could be produced for use in schools. It would be terrific to have authentic people on the poster.

Thank you for your help and awareness of the longest running public health promotion in the United States -- the Great American Smokeout. -- CAROL M. ALLEN, AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR CAROL: Having lost three beloved relatives to cancer because of smoking, I'm pleased to speak out about the danger. Smokers: "Ask not for whom the bell tolls -- it tolls for thee."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "John," and I are in our mid-20s. We have been married for over a year. During this time his younger sister, "Caitlin," has made numerous trips to visit us. She is charming, thoughtful and wholesome, and I look forward to her visits. Not only are Caitlin and John very close, but I consider her to be my best friend. Although I enjoy her company, there is one thing about her visits I'm not crazy about.

John and I live in a one-bedroom apartment, and she has only the den couch to sleep on. While this provides her no privacy, she still prefers sleeping in the buff. When she undresses for bed, it makes no difference if John is present or not. When she wakes up in the morning, she'll stroll into the kitchen "as is" for coffee while on her way to take a shower. If John and I are in the kitchen, too, she's not shy about standing around in her birthday suit, chit-chatting with us as she sips her coffee. I've always maintained a casual attitude about this, but actually, I would prefer not to see her walking around in the nude.

I realize that females are not required to cover themselves around males in their own family. I wasn't that modest around my brother, either. But now that I'm married to Caitlin's brother, is it still acceptable? I'm very uncomfortable. -- SENSITIVE SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR "SIS": If you and your sister-in-law are so close that you consider her your best friend, level with her about the fact that her nudity is making you uncomfortable. On her next visit, have a nice terry-cloth bathrobe waiting for her in the den. If she forgets to use it on her way through the kitchen to her morning shower, throw her a couple of oven mitts. I'll bet she gets the hint.

DEAR ABBY: Hi. I'm writing about the relationship between my dad and me. I'm 13 and my parents are divorced. They are now married to different people.

My dad forgot all about me for the first five years of my life. I finally got in touch with him and visited him for a few weekends, but now he doesn't answer my phone calls. He won't talk to me because he lost his job and owes almost $1,000 in child support. I think he's afraid to answer my calls because he thinks we're going to cuss at him about the child support, when all I really want to do is talk to him.

I've tried writing to him, but he doesn't write back. What can I do besides calling him or writing him? Please give me your advice. -- LONESOME TEEN IN RIVERSIDE, MO.

P.S. My stepdad hates me. I'm not comfortable with him.

DEAR LONELY TEEN: Sometimes people become parents before they're completely grown up themselves. Try to be patient with your father. Having lost his job and fallen behind in his child support, he may consider himself a failure and be ashamed to face you.

Write him one more note and say: "Dad, I need you to be part of my life. Just hearing from you is more important than money. I love you." Then cross your fingers. If you don't hear from him, the fault is his -- and it's no reflection on you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ricardo," and I have an ongoing dispute over money. He does not save or plan for the future. He thinks that if he wants to buy something, I should provide him with the money.

Ricardo quit his job before finding another, and I have ended up paying his living expenses. Several months ago, I loaned Ricardo money to buy a car. He's repaid half but still owes me the balance. He's borrowed more money since then to buy a present for my birthday.

My baby sitter quit last week, and Ricardo offered to watch my son until I find another sitter. When I told him I was unable to pay him the full amount I had paid the sitter, he became angry and accused me of never helping him or ever loving him. He says I am taking advantage of his kindness because I am working and he is not.

I have really tried to help Ricardo, but I think it's nervy of him to be asking me for more money when he owes me close to $1,000. What do you think? -- ALMOST BROKE IN BALTIMORE

DEAR ALMOST BROKE: I agree with you. Your boyfriend has turned mooching into an art form. Stiffen your backbone, tell him the bank is closed, and go on with your life without him. He's a bottomless pit.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old woman. Two years after my divorce, I started dating a sweet man I'll call "Tony." He adores my 4-year-old daughter, "Emma," and she adores him.

Last week I learned I am pregnant with Tony's child. He's overjoyed. The night I told him, he proposed marriage and I accepted.

I also told my ex-husband, "Rod." He called me some vulgar names for getting pregnant before marriage. Now he threatens to tell Emma that what I have done is wrong. I know I made a mistake and I feel terrible. I don't want Emma to think it's OK to have premarital relations, and I don't know how to handle this. Any suggestions? -- TROUBLED AND PREGNANT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TROUBLED: As vindictive as your former husband may be, let us hope he's not so twisted as to try to explain the dos and don'ts of premarital sex to a 4-year-old who doesn't yet know the facts of life.

Solidify your marriage plans immediately -- before your little girl understands the significance of counting to nine.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I lived in a small apartment with our two young chldren in a bad part of town. When "Cousin Ramona" offered to rent us half of her large home in a nicer area, we jumped at the chance. It meant we'd be sharing the house with Ramona and another female renter, but we didn't mind.

Since we moved in, it has become clear that the female renter (age 19) is a real party girl. When I asked our cousin if any guys would be spending the night, she said no. Well, after only one week, our housemate started having a male visitor regularly for evenings and overnight stays. He also helps himself to our food. I am livid. I made a comment to Ramona about this "guest." She got uptight and said it was no big deal, and it shouldn't matter to me.

Well, Abby, it DOES matter. Our kids are 2 and 3 years old, and this isn't the kind of atmosphere I want them exposed to. Am I wrong? -- HELPLESS IN TACOMA

DEAR HELPLESS: Certainly not. You and your husband are responsible for setting the standards your children will live by. Waste no time in checking the classified ads for another place to live. The living conditions in your current dwelling are not as they were represented.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)