DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old and a freshman in college. I have been dating my girlfriend "Holly" for about eight months.

My roommate is also friends with Holly, and that is the problem. He treats Holly like she is a princess and gives her extravagant gifts, sometimes for no reason at all. This irritates me because it makes me look like a terrible boyfriend.

I cannot approach him about it since he is my roommate, and I have to live with him for the rest of the year. Holly realizes that it irritates me, but I can't have her say anything because then it would be extremely weird whenever she comes to visit -- even more than it is now.

How should I handle this? -- CONFUSED IN CLEMSON, S.C.

DEAR CONFUSED: You must speak up. For your roommate to buy expensive gifts for Holly, knowing she is your girlfriend, is inappropriate. (If you and Holly break up -- THAT'S the time he should make his move, but not now.)

For Holly to accept those gifts is insensitive. You're certainly within your rights to let them both know this bothers you. And there's no time like the present to make your roommate aware of your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her yearly mammogram and we are grateful it came out OK.

I asked my wife if she continues to check her breasts between the mammograms. Her response was yes, but that she wasn't quite sure what to look for. Her physician told her, "You will know it when you find it." I am not sure this was a clear enough answer.

Why don't doctors have on hand one synthetic breast WITH a lump and one WITHOUT to enable the patient to know exactly what she is looking for? In my opinion, it would be a good idea for men also to be taught what to look for in the male breast.

I could suggest this to the medical profession, but I am afraid it wouldn't get the attention it deserves. Your column is a better way to get the word out. -- JOHN COLOMBE, INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR JOHN: I believe you've hit on something. I'm pleased to spread the word.

While not all women's breasts feel the same, a model with various sized "lumps" could be a lifesaver for a lot of people -- men included. Many men are not aware that they, too, can have breast cancer. Although it is less common in men, there is definitely a risk for males too.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Surprised Wife in Oklahoma City," whose son had asked for his deceased father's military records. The widow was shocked to discover they contained a reference to her husband having been before a board of inquiry for striking an officer. She said her husband had never mentioned it to her or his family because it would have been a "disgrace."

Abby, I see no disgrace here. The function of a court of inquiry is to inquire into a situation and determine whether any legal action is appropriate. Since there is no mention of a military trial in her husband's records, the court of inquiry must have determined that her husband did nothing deserving of punishment.

The Army's opinion of her husband was expressed in the wording on his honorable discharge certificate "awarded as a testimonial of honest and faithful service." If it's good enough for the military, it should be good enough for her and her son. -- DICK SCHUBERT, DENVER

DEAR DICK: Thank you for the short course on the military legal system. I'm sure it will comfort the widow who wrote that letter.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

EDITORS: The e-mail address at the end of the column is cq.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter concerning the cruelty of abandoning pets. The following is a true story of what can happen:

My sister-in-law's family acquired a darling black-and-white fuzzy puppy that grew into a big, shaggy mess. I'm sorry to say the poor dog was taken into the country and dumped by the side of the road. Our little niece loved that dog and mourned for her "Bootsie" for some time.

Several months later, my sister-in-law overheard her daughter on the front porch asking excitedly, "Bootsie! Where have you been all this time?" Yes, it took a few months, but Bootsie found his way back home. I like to think my sister-in-law and her husband learned their lesson.

The kindest thing you can do for a pet you can no longer keep is to take it to your local humane society or animal shelter. In this case, Bootsie beat the odds -- many pets don't. Dumping an animal at the side of the road is almost always a sure and painful death. -- AUNT IN SONOMA, CALIF.

DEAR AUNT: Dumping animals is also against the law in the state of California. Please inform your sister-in-law. It could mean the difference between life and death for Bootsie, should the parents repeat their "solution" for getting rid of Bootsie. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the letter from "Pet Lover in Tenino, Wash.," regarding the tragedy of abandoned pets. The senseless act of disposing of a pet by throwing it into the street creates many victims, including thousands of drivers who are involved in accidents because they strike an animal or swerve to avoid one, those who must remove the injured or dead bodies from busy highways and freeways, those who give up much of their personal lives to become "rescuers," and those who find these terrified and starving creatures in their yard or neighborhood and must take them to the shelter. In the meantime, the owner goes merrily on, without remorse or regret.

Your readers may be pleased to know about S.B. 237, which became law in California in September 2001 and provides for road signs to be placed at the state line on all major highways entering California, warning of the misdemeanor and penalty of up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for abandoning any animal -- including reptiles and exotic animals.

S.B. 237 also provides that this information will be printed in the California Department of Motor Vehicles "Handbook for Drivers" in five languages (English, Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese and Tagalog) and will be included as a question in at least 20 percent of California drivers' tests.

We hope that S.B. 237 will serve as model legislation for other states; and, as sponsor of the bill, I would be pleased to work with anyone who wants to pass similar legislation. -- PHYLLIS M. DAUGHTERY, DIRECTOR, ANIMAL ISSUES MOVEMENT, LOS ANGELES

DEAR PHYLLIS: My heartfelt congratulations for a job well done, one that's just beginning. Thank you very much for your letter and for offering to help animal activists nationwide to draft similar legislation in the other 49 states. Although it may be difficult to enforce, I hope it serves as a deterrent.

Readers interested in more information should write the Animal Issues Movement, 420 N. Bonnie Brae, Los Angeles, CA 90026, or write via e-mail to animalissu(at)aol.com.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When it comes to the subject of Afghanistan, many people write as if Afghans never knew democracy or freedom. I am writing you today because I knew a very different Afghanistan. In fact, my husband helped to write Afghanistan's constitution in 1964, which included universal suffrage, an equal rights amendment for women (including provisions for equal pay), and a separate judiciary. Women were members of Afghanistan's parliament; some were judges.

I am deeply pained to think that many people view Afghans as illiterate refugees who look different and live differently than Americans, when in fact, we have many things in common. For example, I attended high school in Afghanistan, played on a sports team after school and worked outside the home.

Unfortunately, the Taliban erased this from the global community's mind in only five short years. They burned the books, banned music, and forbade Afghans from congregating in twos or threes. People now think that Afghans have always lived this way -- when in reality the Taliban came into our country and took our liberties and freedoms away. The Taliban are regarded by many Afghans as an occupying force that does not respect the Afghan culture or way of life.

I am thankful for the help of groups here in the United States, such as the Feminist Majority Foundation, who have worked tirelessly to educate the American public about the atrocities committed by the Taliban and to urge the U.S. government to stop the human rights abuses against the Afghan people, particularly women and girls. I hope that we will soon see our constitution returned to its rightful place in Afghan society. -- SARA AMIRYAR

DEAR SARA: I join you in that hope.

P.S. When the subject of the Taliban's abuse of women in Afghanistan first appeared in this column, some people wondered why I would print a letter about women in a country so far from our own. As we now know, a regime that would perpetrate such flagrant human rights abuses against half its population is capable of supporting terrorism and murder anywhere. Those interested in participating in the Feminist Majority Foundation's Campaign to Stop Gender Apartheid may call 1-888-WE-WOMEN (1-888-939-6636) or visit www.helpafghanwomen.com.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired family physician. Recently I was traveling on the interstate highway when I observed an auto accident. A policeman was as near as I, so we both got to the wreck at the same time.

It turned out my medical services weren't needed. However, the policeman's first direction to the driver was to turn off the ignition. Everyone should know about this. Stopping sparks that might start a fire is crucial. The people in the vehicle were wearing seat belts. It would be terrible to have one's life saved by a seat belt, only to lose it in a fire.

Please share this with your readers. -- FRANK B. ADAMS JR., M.D., SENECA, S.C.

DEAR DR. ADAMS: Gladly. Your suggestion is a sensible one. People who have just had an auto accident are often so shocked and distracted that they don't think to do the obvious.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)