EDITORS: The e-mail address at the end of the column is cq.
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EDITORS: The e-mail address at the end of the column is cq.
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DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter concerning the cruelty of abandoning pets. The following is a true story of what can happen:
My sister-in-law's family acquired a darling black-and-white fuzzy puppy that grew into a big, shaggy mess. I'm sorry to say the poor dog was taken into the country and dumped by the side of the road. Our little niece loved that dog and mourned for her "Bootsie" for some time.
Several months later, my sister-in-law overheard her daughter on the front porch asking excitedly, "Bootsie! Where have you been all this time?" Yes, it took a few months, but Bootsie found his way back home. I like to think my sister-in-law and her husband learned their lesson.
The kindest thing you can do for a pet you can no longer keep is to take it to your local humane society or animal shelter. In this case, Bootsie beat the odds -- many pets don't. Dumping an animal at the side of the road is almost always a sure and painful death. -- AUNT IN SONOMA, CALIF.
DEAR AUNT: Dumping animals is also against the law in the state of California. Please inform your sister-in-law. It could mean the difference between life and death for Bootsie, should the parents repeat their "solution" for getting rid of Bootsie. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the letter from "Pet Lover in Tenino, Wash.," regarding the tragedy of abandoned pets. The senseless act of disposing of a pet by throwing it into the street creates many victims, including thousands of drivers who are involved in accidents because they strike an animal or swerve to avoid one, those who must remove the injured or dead bodies from busy highways and freeways, those who give up much of their personal lives to become "rescuers," and those who find these terrified and starving creatures in their yard or neighborhood and must take them to the shelter. In the meantime, the owner goes merrily on, without remorse or regret.
Your readers may be pleased to know about S.B. 237, which became law in California in September 2001 and provides for road signs to be placed at the state line on all major highways entering California, warning of the misdemeanor and penalty of up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for abandoning any animal -- including reptiles and exotic animals.
S.B. 237 also provides that this information will be printed in the California Department of Motor Vehicles "Handbook for Drivers" in five languages (English, Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese and Tagalog) and will be included as a question in at least 20 percent of California drivers' tests.
We hope that S.B. 237 will serve as model legislation for other states; and, as sponsor of the bill, I would be pleased to work with anyone who wants to pass similar legislation. -- PHYLLIS M. DAUGHTERY, DIRECTOR, ANIMAL ISSUES MOVEMENT, LOS ANGELES
DEAR PHYLLIS: My heartfelt congratulations for a job well done, one that's just beginning. Thank you very much for your letter and for offering to help animal activists nationwide to draft similar legislation in the other 49 states. Although it may be difficult to enforce, I hope it serves as a deterrent.
Readers interested in more information should write the Animal Issues Movement, 420 N. Bonnie Brae, Los Angeles, CA 90026, or write via e-mail to animalissu(at)aol.com.
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Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
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To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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DEAR ABBY: When it comes to the subject of Afghanistan, many people write as if Afghans never knew democracy or freedom. I am writing you today because I knew a very different Afghanistan. In fact, my husband helped to write Afghanistan's constitution in 1964, which included universal suffrage, an equal rights amendment for women (including provisions for equal pay), and a separate judiciary. Women were members of Afghanistan's parliament; some were judges.
I am deeply pained to think that many people view Afghans as illiterate refugees who look different and live differently than Americans, when in fact, we have many things in common. For example, I attended high school in Afghanistan, played on a sports team after school and worked outside the home.
Unfortunately, the Taliban erased this from the global community's mind in only five short years. They burned the books, banned music, and forbade Afghans from congregating in twos or threes. People now think that Afghans have always lived this way -- when in reality the Taliban came into our country and took our liberties and freedoms away. The Taliban are regarded by many Afghans as an occupying force that does not respect the Afghan culture or way of life.
I am thankful for the help of groups here in the United States, such as the Feminist Majority Foundation, who have worked tirelessly to educate the American public about the atrocities committed by the Taliban and to urge the U.S. government to stop the human rights abuses against the Afghan people, particularly women and girls. I hope that we will soon see our constitution returned to its rightful place in Afghan society. -- SARA AMIRYAR
DEAR SARA: I join you in that hope.
P.S. When the subject of the Taliban's abuse of women in Afghanistan first appeared in this column, some people wondered why I would print a letter about women in a country so far from our own. As we now know, a regime that would perpetrate such flagrant human rights abuses against half its population is capable of supporting terrorism and murder anywhere. Those interested in participating in the Feminist Majority Foundation's Campaign to Stop Gender Apartheid may call 1-888-WE-WOMEN (1-888-939-6636) or visit www.helpafghanwomen.com.
DEAR ABBY: I am a retired family physician. Recently I was traveling on the interstate highway when I observed an auto accident. A policeman was as near as I, so we both got to the wreck at the same time.
It turned out my medical services weren't needed. However, the policeman's first direction to the driver was to turn off the ignition. Everyone should know about this. Stopping sparks that might start a fire is crucial. The people in the vehicle were wearing seat belts. It would be terrible to have one's life saved by a seat belt, only to lose it in a fire.
Please share this with your readers. -- FRANK B. ADAMS JR., M.D., SENECA, S.C.
DEAR DR. ADAMS: Gladly. Your suggestion is a sensible one. People who have just had an auto accident are often so shocked and distracted that they don't think to do the obvious.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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DEAR ABBY: As a 65-year-old, I am no youngster. I have a big problem. I have a friend, "Manny," who is 74; his wife, "Alice," is 73. Every time I visit their home, Alice beats up on Manny. Not physically, but mentally. She cusses and yells and puts him down. I am considered a family friend, so she does not ask me to leave or step out of the room. She just starts in on poor Manny.
This is a terrible situation. Alice has driven away every friend Manny's ever had. I could go on and on. It makes me sick. I feel caught in the middle, and I don't want to be in the middle of a man-and-wife problem.
I don't want to tell Manny I can no longer be his friend because of his wife's behavior, and I also don't feel it's my place to protect him from his wife.
Manny has a lot of medical problems. He has emphysema and is on oxygen 24 hours a day. He also recently got a pacemaker. For obvious reasons, he's no longer handy around the house. I try to help, but sometimes I feel what's the point in visiting them? Any suggestions? -- BILL IN PALM SPRINGS
DEAR BILL: Take Alice aside and tell her you are worried about HER. She seems to be experiencing caregiver burnout. Perhaps if she gets additional help and some time for herself, she'll be more tolerant. If she refuses, tell her you have no choice but to report her to adult protective services for elder abuse.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated three years ago, right after the birth of our second daughter. He said he didn't love me anymore and was no longer attracted to me.
We are now divorced. Abby, he never comes around to see the girls. He won't even call once in a while to find out how they're doing. The only time he sees them is the rare occasion when I call upon him to baby-sit.
As a single mom with a demanding career that takes me out of town on a regular basis, I am blessed to have two devoted baby sitters. One is my mother, and the other is a good friend and neighbor who happens to be male. His name is "Anthony." In the last year, the girls have grown very fond of Anthony and have started calling him "Daddy," since they spend far more time with him than with their own father. Anthony doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he says he's proud to be part of their lives, and has talked to me more than once about becoming a permanent part of ALL our lives.
Anthony is divorced with two children of his own. Would it be inappropriate for me to start something romantic with him, or should our friendship be left alone? Above all, I want what's best for my little girls. -- CONFUSED BUT HOPEFUL, SANTA MARIA, CALIF.
DEAR CONFUSED BUT HOPEFUL: There's nothing inappropriate about two single people dating. Start slow -- dinner, movies, walks. Plan activities that include your children and his. Find out how you all relate to one another. If you have a romantic future with Anthony, you will know it soon enough. If there is no romantic spark, maintain your friendship and a good-neighbor policy.
Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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