DEAR ABBY: As a 65-year-old, I am no youngster. I have a big problem. I have a friend, "Manny," who is 74; his wife, "Alice," is 73. Every time I visit their home, Alice beats up on Manny. Not physically, but mentally. She cusses and yells and puts him down. I am considered a family friend, so she does not ask me to leave or step out of the room. She just starts in on poor Manny.

This is a terrible situation. Alice has driven away every friend Manny's ever had. I could go on and on. It makes me sick. I feel caught in the middle, and I don't want to be in the middle of a man-and-wife problem.

I don't want to tell Manny I can no longer be his friend because of his wife's behavior, and I also don't feel it's my place to protect him from his wife.

Manny has a lot of medical problems. He has emphysema and is on oxygen 24 hours a day. He also recently got a pacemaker. For obvious reasons, he's no longer handy around the house. I try to help, but sometimes I feel what's the point in visiting them? Any suggestions? -- BILL IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR BILL: Take Alice aside and tell her you are worried about HER. She seems to be experiencing caregiver burnout. Perhaps if she gets additional help and some time for herself, she'll be more tolerant. If she refuses, tell her you have no choice but to report her to adult protective services for elder abuse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated three years ago, right after the birth of our second daughter. He said he didn't love me anymore and was no longer attracted to me.

We are now divorced. Abby, he never comes around to see the girls. He won't even call once in a while to find out how they're doing. The only time he sees them is the rare occasion when I call upon him to baby-sit.

As a single mom with a demanding career that takes me out of town on a regular basis, I am blessed to have two devoted baby sitters. One is my mother, and the other is a good friend and neighbor who happens to be male. His name is "Anthony." In the last year, the girls have grown very fond of Anthony and have started calling him "Daddy," since they spend far more time with him than with their own father. Anthony doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he says he's proud to be part of their lives, and has talked to me more than once about becoming a permanent part of ALL our lives.

Anthony is divorced with two children of his own. Would it be inappropriate for me to start something romantic with him, or should our friendship be left alone? Above all, I want what's best for my little girls. -- CONFUSED BUT HOPEFUL, SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED BUT HOPEFUL: There's nothing inappropriate about two single people dating. Start slow -- dinner, movies, walks. Plan activities that include your children and his. Find out how you all relate to one another. If you have a romantic future with Anthony, you will know it soon enough. If there is no romantic spark, maintain your friendship and a good-neighbor policy.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter recently won the national gold medal for teen-age girls in the Gold's Gym-sponsored National Sports Aerobic Championship. While she is petite and shy, I watched her become 10 feet tall on stage, demonstrating self-confidence, strength and real beauty.

Besides being proud, I would like to remind other parents that exercise and sports competition can greatly help teen-age girls with their body image. They learn grace and confidence, and become aware that they are much more than their outward physical appearance.

In sports aerobics, for example, the confidence girls gain by mastering the moves and intensity of the competition will carry them forward for a lifetime. So, encourage your daughters to get physical. It makes all the difference in how they feel about themselves. I've seen it with my daughter, and I've seen it with her friends. -- PROUD MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PROUD MOM: You and your daughter are a winning team. The support of a proud and loving parent can help any girl to feel like a champion.

I know from personal experience the wisdom of your praise of exercise and sports. Both can produce many positive rewards, including the confidence, fitness and good physical and mental health you have described.

For girls who are less comfortable with organized or competitive sports than your daughter, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services offers many helpful tips on its Web site at www.girlpower.gov: "Each day ... do about 30 to 60 minutes of moderate physical activity, like walking or riding a bike. Or, at least three times a week, challenge yourself to 15 to 20 minutes of more intense activities. ... Choose activities that you like to do. If you pick a sport or exercise program that you think is boring in the beginning, you might have a hard time staying with it."

Girl Power! provides a bonanza of sound information to help girls become champions in whatever they choose. They also offer tools for grown-ups who want to help girls make the difficult transition from adolescence as successfully and safely as possible. It's all free, through the Girl Power! Web site -- or call toll-free (800) 729-6686. Ask for Girl Power! and tell them "Dear Abby" sent you.

DEAR ABBY: Before my mother died last year, she revealed to me that "Todd," an old schoolmate of mine, told her that he had to leave the state on the day I married someone else because Texas wasn't big enough to hold his grief.

Todd had never even asked me out on a date. He hung around our house, but I thought he was just a friend of my twin brother.

Abby, please tell all those shy boys out there that if they want something, they should speak up. (I definitely would have married Todd had he only let me know how he felt.) We both would have been much happier. -- REGRETFUL IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR REGRETFUL: Maybe so -- maybe not. While there are no guarantees, it does seem sad that a chance at true love was stillborn because one of the parties had low self-esteem. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: One of the perks of my job is receiving free or discounted meals at local restaurants. Last week I was invited to dine at one of the best restaurants in town. I thought that "Tess," one of my co-workers, might also enjoy it, so I invited her to share the meal with me. I warned her that we would probably be expected to pay for part of the dinner. She said that would be fine.

Halfway through the meal, our server informed us that we would be expected to pay 50 percent of the bill. Tess told me she had forgotten her wallet, and asked if I'd pick up the tab. She promised to pay me back, so I agreed. Then she said she could afford to pay me only $1 from each future paycheck, and asked if it was all right for her to order a $10 dessert as well.

Abby, I was so shocked I could hardly respond. At that rate it will take her a year to pay me back! I understand that people are having a hard time in this economy, but Tess and I are paid the same. I don't exactly have a bundle of money to spare either. How should I handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN OREGON

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Keep meticulous records, put your hand out every payday -- and pray she gets a Christmas bonus.

DEAR ABBY: I want to tell you how my 10-year-old daughter handled a bully. One day after school, she came home and told me about the physical and verbal abuse she was experiencing at the hands of a boy in her class. It was never-ending. I asked if she wanted me to intervene. She said she wanted to handle the situation herself.

I then suggested she keep a diary of all the things this boy said and did to her. I told her to take her diary to the principal when she felt she had enough evidence to support her case. After several weeks, I got a phone call from the principal of her school. She had just seen my daughter and her diary. The boy and his parents were called in immediately. The abuse stopped that day. She never had another problem with him.

Trying to handle the problem herself gave my daughter a sense of power, confidence and control over her own life. Let me add, I was monitoring the situation from a distance. Had my daughter not been taken seriously by the principal, I would have stepped in.

Today my daughter is a senior in high school -- an outgoing, happy, kind, confident young woman. Maybe her story will help someone else caught in this situation. -- HEATHER'S MOM, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR MOM: Your suggestion is an excellent one. As with any other form of harassment, documenting the incidents and building a body of evidence was vital. I hope other victims of bullying will learn from your letter. You and your daughter handled the situation beautifully.

DEAR ABBY: I have been shopping with my mother to find a dress for her to wear at my wedding next spring. She wants to wear a tuxedo-style jacket with a long, straight skirt and a red or white bustier.

Abby, my mother just doesn't get it. She thinks the Madonna lingerie look is appropriate, and she intends to wear it to my wedding whether I like it or not.

Any thoughts on this? -- EMBARRASSED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE: Just one: If there's any chance the mother-of-the-bride's outfit will distract attention from the bride, the outfit should be saved for another occasion.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)