DEAR ABBY: One of the perks of my job is receiving free or discounted meals at local restaurants. Last week I was invited to dine at one of the best restaurants in town. I thought that "Tess," one of my co-workers, might also enjoy it, so I invited her to share the meal with me. I warned her that we would probably be expected to pay for part of the dinner. She said that would be fine.

Halfway through the meal, our server informed us that we would be expected to pay 50 percent of the bill. Tess told me she had forgotten her wallet, and asked if I'd pick up the tab. She promised to pay me back, so I agreed. Then she said she could afford to pay me only $1 from each future paycheck, and asked if it was all right for her to order a $10 dessert as well.

Abby, I was so shocked I could hardly respond. At that rate it will take her a year to pay me back! I understand that people are having a hard time in this economy, but Tess and I are paid the same. I don't exactly have a bundle of money to spare either. How should I handle this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN OREGON

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Keep meticulous records, put your hand out every payday -- and pray she gets a Christmas bonus.

DEAR ABBY: I want to tell you how my 10-year-old daughter handled a bully. One day after school, she came home and told me about the physical and verbal abuse she was experiencing at the hands of a boy in her class. It was never-ending. I asked if she wanted me to intervene. She said she wanted to handle the situation herself.

I then suggested she keep a diary of all the things this boy said and did to her. I told her to take her diary to the principal when she felt she had enough evidence to support her case. After several weeks, I got a phone call from the principal of her school. She had just seen my daughter and her diary. The boy and his parents were called in immediately. The abuse stopped that day. She never had another problem with him.

Trying to handle the problem herself gave my daughter a sense of power, confidence and control over her own life. Let me add, I was monitoring the situation from a distance. Had my daughter not been taken seriously by the principal, I would have stepped in.

Today my daughter is a senior in high school -- an outgoing, happy, kind, confident young woman. Maybe her story will help someone else caught in this situation. -- HEATHER'S MOM, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR MOM: Your suggestion is an excellent one. As with any other form of harassment, documenting the incidents and building a body of evidence was vital. I hope other victims of bullying will learn from your letter. You and your daughter handled the situation beautifully.

DEAR ABBY: I have been shopping with my mother to find a dress for her to wear at my wedding next spring. She wants to wear a tuxedo-style jacket with a long, straight skirt and a red or white bustier.

Abby, my mother just doesn't get it. She thinks the Madonna lingerie look is appropriate, and she intends to wear it to my wedding whether I like it or not.

Any thoughts on this? -- EMBARRASSED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE: Just one: If there's any chance the mother-of-the-bride's outfit will distract attention from the bride, the outfit should be saved for another occasion.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Confused Young Woman in Love," who wonders whether a relationship can work between a man and a woman who earns significantly more than he does.

It most certainly CAN. I have been blessed 10 times over by a loving husband who made less than half what I did when we married. Today, eight years later, he's a stay-at-home dad, and I am the income provider.

My husband and I were both comfortable with who we were as individuals when we met. Our marriage has grown, and our love and commitment have deepened despite not only the income disparity, but also other areas of difference in our lives.

The ability to bring in money for the family is important, but not nearly as important as cultivating a loving, nurturing, supportive environment for yourself, your spouse and your family. That ability comes from the heart -- and is not dependent upon how much money a person makes. -- BLESSED IN DENVER

DEAR BLESSED: I agree. And many other couples will attest to that. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I make substantially more than my husband -- about 30 percent more. You know what he thinks? He thinks I deserve MORE.

We are a team. Our incomes go toward supporting our family, and the more either of us makes, the better.

Were I that woman, I wouldn't hide my income, but neither would I bring it up. If he's the man she thinks he is, he won't care about her income when he learns what it is. Or, if it does bother him, he won't let it affect their relationship. A real man will get over it. -- CATHY W. IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CATHY W.: That's true. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Yes, it is possible to have a good relationship when the woman makes more money. I am a successful professional and earn a very good salary. My husband is an artist. He makes very little in the way of money.

When we married, relatives on both sides of the family predicted we would be divorced within two years. Ten years later, we are still together and the naysayers are the ones who are divorced. I have a wonderful man who happens not to be rich in money, but he is rich in the inner qualities that are the most important. -- BEEN THERE IN CANADA

DEAR BEEN THERE: You have your priorities in the right order, and I commend you for it. Thank you for the input.

DEAR ABBY: I am 53. Six months ago, the love of my life was killed in an automobile accident.

My question is, what are the possibilities and probabilities that I will find true love again in my lifetime? I have always felt that true love comes only once in a lifetime for a few -- and never for most.

Am I being foolish to think that it could happen to me more than once? -- HOPEFUL IN DENVER

DEAR HOPEFUL: Not at all! I'm a firm believer that people have more than one opportunity to find true happiness.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Grief counseling or a grief support group will help you to put the rest of your life in perspective. Please don't wait.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in serious debt -- college tuition payments, property tax, car repairs, etc. I would like to tell my husband's grown children and grandchildren we can't afford to give them gifts this year. My husband says we HAVE to buy them gifts. (I am usually stuck doing all the gift shopping alone.)

Throughout the year, I am included in all family gatherings, but when the grandchildren's pictures are sent, the note is addressed only to my husband. I have never received a birthday or Mother's Day card from any of them. I don't think it's because they consider it disloyal to their own mother. She's happily remarried, and we get along great.

Abby, I don't know why I must get "another day older and deeper in debt" for people who would walk right over me if I happened to fall in their path.

Am I being selfish or is there a point where you can "just say no" to Christmas gift giving? -- DEPRESSED THIS DECEMBER

DEAR DEPRESSED: If your husband insists on going deeper into debt, tell him that this year HE is in charge of gift buying -- as well as managing the bills when they arrive in January.

You are "Depressed" because you are overwhelmed by your financial situation and feel unappreciated by your husband's children. You and your husband would benefit from some sessions with a marriage counselor. It would give each of you an opportunity in an emotionally supportive setting to express what you expect from each other and what you want for yourselves. Ask your physician for a referral. It will be the best Christmas gift you have given yourselves in years.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Clothespin Connie on Long Island," whose husband won't shower before bed.

When my sons were old enough to date, I taught them that old men shave and shower in the morning, while young men shave and shower at night. It's based on the old adage, "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

I still shave and shower at night -- and I'm 79 years young. -- CHET IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CHET: With an emphasis on the "young"! Perhaps that saying should be amended to, "You can catch more HONEYS with honey than you can with vinegar."

DEAR ABBY: For the past few years, our elderly neighbor has come over to our house on Christmas morning. We are usually still in our pajamas watching our children opening their gifts.

Abby, I would prefer to enjoy this special morning with my immediate family ONLY. I don't want this neighbor intruding. How can I handle this delicate situation without hurting her feelings? -- FEELING LIKE THE GRINCH

DEAR FEELING: Your family may remind her of her own -- or the one she always wanted. However, your lonely neighbor won't stop coming for early morning festivities until you set limits.

A few days before Christmas, invite her to come to your home at a specific time -- for example, 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. on Christmas Day, or on Christmas Eve, if that is more convenient.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)