DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Confused Young Woman in Love," who wonders whether a relationship can work between a man and a woman who earns significantly more than he does.

It most certainly CAN. I have been blessed 10 times over by a loving husband who made less than half what I did when we married. Today, eight years later, he's a stay-at-home dad, and I am the income provider.

My husband and I were both comfortable with who we were as individuals when we met. Our marriage has grown, and our love and commitment have deepened despite not only the income disparity, but also other areas of difference in our lives.

The ability to bring in money for the family is important, but not nearly as important as cultivating a loving, nurturing, supportive environment for yourself, your spouse and your family. That ability comes from the heart -- and is not dependent upon how much money a person makes. -- BLESSED IN DENVER

DEAR BLESSED: I agree. And many other couples will attest to that. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I make substantially more than my husband -- about 30 percent more. You know what he thinks? He thinks I deserve MORE.

We are a team. Our incomes go toward supporting our family, and the more either of us makes, the better.

Were I that woman, I wouldn't hide my income, but neither would I bring it up. If he's the man she thinks he is, he won't care about her income when he learns what it is. Or, if it does bother him, he won't let it affect their relationship. A real man will get over it. -- CATHY W. IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CATHY W.: That's true. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Yes, it is possible to have a good relationship when the woman makes more money. I am a successful professional and earn a very good salary. My husband is an artist. He makes very little in the way of money.

When we married, relatives on both sides of the family predicted we would be divorced within two years. Ten years later, we are still together and the naysayers are the ones who are divorced. I have a wonderful man who happens not to be rich in money, but he is rich in the inner qualities that are the most important. -- BEEN THERE IN CANADA

DEAR BEEN THERE: You have your priorities in the right order, and I commend you for it. Thank you for the input.

DEAR ABBY: I am 53. Six months ago, the love of my life was killed in an automobile accident.

My question is, what are the possibilities and probabilities that I will find true love again in my lifetime? I have always felt that true love comes only once in a lifetime for a few -- and never for most.

Am I being foolish to think that it could happen to me more than once? -- HOPEFUL IN DENVER

DEAR HOPEFUL: Not at all! I'm a firm believer that people have more than one opportunity to find true happiness.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Grief counseling or a grief support group will help you to put the rest of your life in perspective. Please don't wait.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in serious debt -- college tuition payments, property tax, car repairs, etc. I would like to tell my husband's grown children and grandchildren we can't afford to give them gifts this year. My husband says we HAVE to buy them gifts. (I am usually stuck doing all the gift shopping alone.)

Throughout the year, I am included in all family gatherings, but when the grandchildren's pictures are sent, the note is addressed only to my husband. I have never received a birthday or Mother's Day card from any of them. I don't think it's because they consider it disloyal to their own mother. She's happily remarried, and we get along great.

Abby, I don't know why I must get "another day older and deeper in debt" for people who would walk right over me if I happened to fall in their path.

Am I being selfish or is there a point where you can "just say no" to Christmas gift giving? -- DEPRESSED THIS DECEMBER

DEAR DEPRESSED: If your husband insists on going deeper into debt, tell him that this year HE is in charge of gift buying -- as well as managing the bills when they arrive in January.

You are "Depressed" because you are overwhelmed by your financial situation and feel unappreciated by your husband's children. You and your husband would benefit from some sessions with a marriage counselor. It would give each of you an opportunity in an emotionally supportive setting to express what you expect from each other and what you want for yourselves. Ask your physician for a referral. It will be the best Christmas gift you have given yourselves in years.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Clothespin Connie on Long Island," whose husband won't shower before bed.

When my sons were old enough to date, I taught them that old men shave and shower in the morning, while young men shave and shower at night. It's based on the old adage, "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

I still shave and shower at night -- and I'm 79 years young. -- CHET IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CHET: With an emphasis on the "young"! Perhaps that saying should be amended to, "You can catch more HONEYS with honey than you can with vinegar."

DEAR ABBY: For the past few years, our elderly neighbor has come over to our house on Christmas morning. We are usually still in our pajamas watching our children opening their gifts.

Abby, I would prefer to enjoy this special morning with my immediate family ONLY. I don't want this neighbor intruding. How can I handle this delicate situation without hurting her feelings? -- FEELING LIKE THE GRINCH

DEAR FEELING: Your family may remind her of her own -- or the one she always wanted. However, your lonely neighbor won't stop coming for early morning festivities until you set limits.

A few days before Christmas, invite her to come to your home at a specific time -- for example, 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. on Christmas Day, or on Christmas Eve, if that is more convenient.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, normally a good kid, but I made a major goof. Ordinarily I'd be punished, but my parents think I've suffered enough. They suggested I write to you as a way of reminding other kids about the importance of obeying their parents.

Last Saturday, my parents had a dinner engagement and said I could have two girlfriends over for the night. They gave me three rules: no mess, no boys and don't open the door to strangers. My parents left at 7. My girlfriends and I made popcorn and put on some CDs. We flopped in the living room and started munching. About 8 p.m. the doorbell rang. Glancing out the window I thought it was a guy I am dating and opened the door. Big mistake.

Three guys pushed their way in, threatened us with guns and said they wanted money. They asked if it was my house and if anyone else was around. I was too scared to tell them anything but the truth. Two of them started tying up my girlfriends, the other tied my wrists behind my back with cord and led me from room to room opening drawers, closets, cabinets and taking jewelry, cash and other items. When we got back to the living room, my friends were lying face down on the carpet, hogtied and gagged. I was then bound up like a salami, gagged and pushed to the floor. They told us not to move for half an hour and left.

When we were sure they were gone, we started struggling, but couldn't get loose or communicate with each other. My parents weren't expected home until well after midnight, and I was not content waiting three or four hours for help.

Since I had not been hogtied, I was eventually able to get to my feet, hop to the door, get it opened, and hop across the lawn -- falling three or four times. Fortunately, our neighbor saw me. By the time she untied me and we got back to the house, my poor friends, still bound on the carpet, were sure I had fallen into the shrubbery and couldn't get up.

Luckily, aside from a few aches, none of us was hurt. But I'm sure we'll have nightmares for quite some time. Meanwhile, I urge kids to obey their parents. I wish I had. -- TIED UP ON SATURDAY NIGHT

EAR TIED UP: Your letter gave me chills. You and your friends are lucky you weren't beaten, raped or murdered. I'm printing your letter as a warning for other young people. Parents may seem overprotective much of the time -- but they usually have good reasons for setting the rules they do.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Happy Mom in North Carolina" about her 6-year-old son's reaction to the "facts of life" reminded me of my 6-year-old daughter's reaction.

She, too, prodded me for more details about where and how babies were made, until I carefully and gently explained the process.

When I finished my speech, she wrinkled her little nose and said, "Do you get to wear a blindfold or something?" -- MOM IN AUBURN, N.Y.

DEAR MOM: Your explanation must have been a real eye-opener.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)