DEAR ABBY: Eight months ago, I moved in with my aunt and her son, my cousin "Billy." Billy's parents divorced several years ago, and his dad abruptly cut off all communication with Billy and his older brother. This hurt both boys very much.

Billy is now 22 and harbors great anger toward his father. It is understandable. But Billy takes his anger out on his mother and me. He pushes us away and has withdrawn from all family members and friends.

I try to give Billy his space. Although I would like to help him, I'm afraid that trying to talk to him -- even to offer support -- will make him feel even more vulnerable and defensive. He's not comfortable talking about his feelings. He reacts emotionally and plays the blame game.

I'm worried about my once kind and easygoing cousin, and about whether he can pull himself together and get on with his life.

How can I talk to Billy without escalating his anger? I want so badly to help. -- T.C. IN STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR T.C.: Billy needs more help than you are equipped to give him. While his anger at his father is understandable, the blame game solves nothing, and he's focusing his anger on the wrong people. Isolating himself from family and friends is a clue that Billy has more problems than he's revealing to you. Tell him you love him and that you care -- and urge him to get professional counseling.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, my wife, sweetheart and lifetime companion for 63 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. When I could no longer care for her, I placed her in a nursing facility.

We have three children, all married; nine grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. It's heartbreaking, but she no longer recognizes any members of our family.

Last week, my daughter took me to see my wife. I held her hand and said, "Honey, do you remember that today is your birthday?" She didn't say a word. I continued, "Today you are 84. So now we are the same age. I am also 84." She looked up at me and said, "You look like you're 104."

On the way home, my daughter said, "Dad, maybe Mom is not as bad as we thought." -- BILL ANDREWS, PRAIRIE VILLAGE, KAN.

DEAR BILL: Funn-ee. Although circumstances have not been kind to you and your wife, she hasn't lost her sense of humor -- and neither have you and your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: An average of nearly three children under the age of 15 die each day in U.S. house fires, and 80 percent of these deaths occur in homes without working smoke alarms. Smoke alarms double a family's chance of surviving a home fire -- but only if they work.

We members of the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) and Energizer urge families to change the batteries in their smoke alarms when they change their clocks back to standard time. This year, "Change Your Clock, Change Your Battery" takes place on Sunday, Oct. 28. We would appreciate your reminding your readers about the importance of maintaining working smoke alarms with fresh batteries every year. -- CHIEF JOHN M. BUCKMAN III, IAFC PRESIDENT

DEAR CHIEF BUCKMAN: Gladly. Changing clocks AND smoke alarm batteries at the end of daylight-saving time is a lifesaving ritual that everyone should practice without fail. Readers, buy your batteries today so you'll have them ready for Sunday, Oct. 28.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to laugh when I read the letter from the cashier who got even with rude customers using cell phones by "misplacing" their merchandise. Her actions were wrong, of course, but I understand her frustration.

I manage a store and frequently work behind the cash register. Believe me, the cell phone problem is epidemic. When my employees complain about rude customers, I advise them to pretend the phone doesn't exist. Little did I know that one of my employees would come up with a solution to the problem:

One Sunday morning when the employee was in church, somebody's cell phone rang. Every head in church turned to see "whodunit." The pastor stopped in the middle of his sermon and announced, "Go ahead. We'll wait -- who is it?" The pastor's expression showed he wasn't angry -- nevertheless, his point was clearly made. The congregation howled with laughter.

Now, when one of my employees uses this tactic, the result is the same. And not one person has ever come into the store a second time babbling away on the airwaves. -- FOUND A BETTER WAY IN NASHVILLE

DEAR FOUND A BETTER WAY: Which proves you get better results with humor than with rancor. Bravo. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I suspect that some people use cell phones as a psychological barrier to help them avoid interacting with strangers. After all, interrupting people while they're on a cell phone is something most of us instinctively avoid. My theory is that while immersed in private conversation, the callers feel shielded from the outside world.

I've heard snippets of chatter so inane I can't believe my ears. Don't get me wrong; I'm not eavesdropping. However, sometimes it's impossible not to listen when someone brushes past me or talks incessantly while waiting in line behind me.

Sometimes I suspect that people only pretend to be on their cell phone. They think it makes them appear more important than they really are. It's a snobbish affectation, but they actually believe they're somehow earning respect from those who observe them.

Thanks for letting me vent. Sign me ... FINGERS IN MY EARS

DEAR FINGERS: Those are interesting theories. Technologies may change, but people remain the same. There was a famous hotel here in Los Angeles that was frequented years ago by celebrities. The reservation list in the famous "lounge" was a veritable Who's Who of actors, directors, producers and agents. This was long before the invention of cell phones. People who wanted to draw attention to themselves would arrange to be paged. A uniformed bellman -- who had previously starred in the "Call for Philip Morris" cigarette commercials -- would stride through the hotel lobby and restaurant calling out, "Telephone call for Mister (blank)!" I suspect it was done more often by people between jobs than people who actually had urgent business.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Adrienne," is 20 and not very sociable. She doesn't have many friends.

Almost every time my wife and I go out to eat or go away for the weekend, my wife insists on taking Adrienne along because she doesn't want to leave her home.

Abby, our daughter should be out with friends -- not her parents. I would like to spend some time alone with my wife. How do you feel about this situation? -- FRUSTRATED IN LONG ISLAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your daughter is no longer a child; she's a young woman now. There is no reason why a 20-year-old cannot spend weekends at home without parental supervision. By insisting that Adrienne be consistently present when you go out to dinner or away on trips, your wife is discouraging intimacy with you and preventing her daughter from developing independence. As long as Adrienne is encouraged to lean on you for entertainment, she'll be less likely to forge friendships with contemporaries. Perhaps counseling will help to give her more confidence socially.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jamie," died earlier this year. My teen-age son, "Jamie Jr.," wants his father's military records. When I found them, I was shocked. Jamie got an honorable discharge from the U.S. Army, but he also appeared before a board of inquiry for striking an officer.

Jamie never disclosed this to me or any of his family. It would have been a disgrace. Jamie and our son had a very close relationship, and I don't want Jamie Jr. to be disillusioned and ashamed of his father now.

I am tempted to "lose" these records. What do you think? -- SURPRISED WIFE IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR SURPRISED WIFE: Give your son his father's military records. If you do, I can't help feeling your son will gain even more respect for his father. This is an excellent example of how people can change and grow, even though they may have made mistakes when they were younger.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the sweetest man for about three months. "Danny" leaves me loving notes, draws me pictures, massages my back, and even makes my bed when I'm in the shower. He is without a doubt the most thoughtful man I've ever been with, and I have fallen for him hard.

There is one problem: Danny doesn't make much money. He works hard in his field, but it's either feast or famine.

I, on the other hand, earn a very substantial salary. I have been afraid to share this fact with Danny for several reasons. One, my career intimidated my previous boyfriend, and I don't want that to happen again. And, two, I'm very private about my assets anyway.

Abby, should I keep my income a secret from Danny, or is that considered "lying"? Can a relationship work between a man and woman who are miles apart on the income scale -- especially when the woman is the richer of the two? -- CONFUSED YOUNG WOMAN IN LOVE

DEAR CONFUSED: If Danny hasn't asked, I see no reason to discuss your finances prematurely. Yes, a relationship like yours can work. But only if the qualities each person brings to the relationship are considered equally important.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)