DEAR ABBY: I am writing in the hope you can help me figure out what I am feeling in my heart.

About a year ago, I started dating the most wonderful woman -- or so I thought. "Gloria" walked into my life and turned everything upside-down. We were both going through divorces.

When our divorces were final, I stopped having contact with my ex-wife. As my relationship with Gloria progresses, she keeps finding reasons to see her ex-husband. She says it's to keep an eye on what he is doing and to assure that she'll get the large sum of money he agreed to pay in their divorce settlement. Gloria goes on long weekend trips with him, and when I'm working at night, she goes to visit him.

Abby, where does this leave me? I love this woman very much and don't know what to do. -- LOST IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOST: The divorce may be final, but Gloria's emotional connection to her former husband does not appear to be severed.

She may be terrific, but the woman you have described is not ready for another marriage, or even an exclusive relationship. Accept it, and move on.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago you printed a letter from a woman who stood at her mother's casket and regretted not telling her mom how much she had meant to her. She urged others not to make the same mistake.

I thought long and hard about her letter. I realized she was right. It took days, but I composed a letter to my father who was dying of prostate cancer. In it, I made reference to happy events in the past, and thanked him for raising me, loving me and staying involved in my life. I sent the letter to my mother and asked her to read it to him. My father called me a few days later. We both cried over the phone. He died a short while later, but he lives forever in my heart.

Abby, please urge readers who are in similar circumstances to do the same. I cannot stress the feeling of peace I have knowing I told my father how much he meant to me -- while he was still alive. -- MAURICE L. TATE, MALDEN, MASS.

DEAR MAURICE: I'm pleased that a letter in my column helped you communicate your love and gratitude to your father before it was too late. I often advise people to write to loved ones and express those sentiments because their letters usually become priceless keepsakes.

DAR ABBY: I am going to ask my girlfriend to marry me. I need your advice on buying an engagement ring. I am opposed to the traditional diamond because of the high cost and low resale value.

Abby, can you recommend an alternative to a diamond? Is a simple gold band still popular? -- COST-CONSCIOUS IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR C.C.: Yes, but gold bands are customarily worn after the wedding. Nowhere is it written that an engagement ring has to be a diamond. (Paul McCartney and Prince Charles both gave their brides-to-be sapphire rings with small diamonds for contrast.)

Ask your girlfriend what her favorite stone is and tell her how you feel about diamonds. You may have more in common than you know.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in a scary situation and hope you can help. I am 15, and my best friend, "Mary," is also 15. Mary has another very close friend, "Rachel," who goes to a different school. I've met her only a few times.

Although Rachel appeared normal and friendly when I last saw her, Mary confided in me that Rachel has a troubled life. According to Mary, Rachel has a negative attitude, has withdrawn socially, lost a lot of weight and repeatedly mentions suicide. Mary said she has tried to kill herself more than once, but I have no details.

It seems obvious to me that Rachel is depressed and a danger to herself. I discussed this with Mary and asked why Rachel is not receiving help. She said Rachel's parents are unaware of her condition. Mary said she would be uncomfortable telling Rachel's parents because it would destroy their friendship. I don't think Mary understands how important it is to get Rachel help.

Although I am not close to Rachel, I am concerned for her. I can only imagine how devastated Mary would be if she lost a friend to suicide knowing she could have helped. Without angering her, how can I convince Mary that she has to help her friend by telling someone? Or is this none of my business? -- FRIGHTENED FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIGHTENED FRIEND: Someone must tell Rachel's parents what is going on. If you can't convince Mary to ask her parents to speak to Rachel's mom and dad, your mother should call Mary's parents to express how concerned all of you are over Rachel's welfare. I urge you to act quickly -- and I commend you for caring so much about a troubled friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am sure your column helps a lot of people. I notice that you quite rightly suggest people with problems see a counselor.

However, Abby, the title "counselor" is used by many diversely trained individuals, and it's important to understand the differences.

Psychiatrists are MDs. They are the most expensive of all counselors, the most highly trained and the only ones who can prescribe medication.

Clinical psychologists must have a Ph.D. and be state-licensed.

Social workers must have an undergraduate degree and a master's degree in social work. Many staff members in organizations dedicated to helping others call themselves social workers. Unfortunately, some of them may not even be high school graduates.

In religions, the situation is even worse. There are pastoral counselors who have doctorates in that field. Some of them do more harm than good. They do not know how to listen, they are judgmental, and tell troubled people who come to them that if they don't change their lives they are sinners!

I suggest that anyone who seeks counseling be very careful and check the counselor's credentials. -- FATHER ALEX SEABROOK, ST. BONIFACE EPISCOPAL CHURCH, TINLEY PARK, ILL.

DEAR FATHER SEABROOK: I agree it's important to know the level of expertise of the person who's giving advice, and that's why I advise readers who need counseling to seek a referral from their physician or their local mental health association.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: In January of 1994, my loving wife and best friend of 47 years passed away. I was devastated, but I am also realistic. I was 71, healthy, virile, fun-loving and enjoyed life.

A little over a month after my wife's funeral, I was tired of being alone and went to a resort. I met a lovely woman there, and a few weeks later, I called and invited her to dinner. We spent more than six hours talking, sharing a couple of small glasses of wine, and were more interested in each other than the food.

When I got home, I received a call from my younger daughter and was given the third degree. It was only the beginning. In spite of the interference, this lady and I continued to enjoy each other's company. We lived together for a year and a half and then married.

I gave my daughters one of our family trusts to allay their fear that someone might get something they thought was all theirs. It didn't help. They continued to drive a wedge between my wife and me. I later discovered they put a tap on my phone. So, where did all this lead? You guessed it. Divorce court.

It has been a year and a half; I recently met a lady on the Internet. We have been writing and talking on the phone almost daily. Three weeks ago, we met in Paris and spent a great week together. No sex was involved -- just a great time. The lady plans to come here to visit. Tonight my younger daughter informed me she intends to run her off.

As far as my daughters are concerned, I don't need a friend, a companion or wife. They are worried that someone besides them will get whatever I have left. They tell me I don't need anyone; just our family is enough. I love my grandchildren, but to be honest, I don't need my children running my life.

Abby, the lady in question is in her late 50s, is well-educated, entertaining, intelligent, and has a good job in her home country. I hate to put her through what they did to my previous wife. Should I sell everything I have and move to a different city or country? -- DESPERATE FOR A LIFE OF MY OWN

DEAR DESPERATE: It is unlikely your daughters will ever accept any woman in your life. Achieving your independence will mean you will have to separate from your daughters -- and it's likely you'll have to sacrifice your relationship with your grandchildren. I urge you to talk this entire situation over with your attorney. As your new relationship progresses, the woman will need to be protected from your daughters no matter how far from them you move.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from Thom Somes of Pet Tech Inc. The information he provided concerning pet first aid was invaluable. However, I would like to expand on one of his facts.

The leading cause of death in companion animals is NOT preventable accidents. It is euthanasia. According to the Humane Society of the United States, an estimated 4 million to 6 million companion animals are euthanized every year in America's animal shelters.

There are two simple solutions to the problem of pet overpopulation and the needless killing of adoptable animals: Have your pet spayed or neutered, and always have an up-to-date identification tag on your pet.

Thank you for getting the word out, Abby. -- JACK FISHER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, LEE COUNTY (ALA.) HUMANE SOCIETY

DEAR JACK: You're welcome. If my readers take your message to heart -- and I'm sure many of them will -- countless lives of companion animals will be saved.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)