DEAR ABBY: I am in a scary situation and hope you can help. I am 15, and my best friend, "Mary," is also 15. Mary has another very close friend, "Rachel," who goes to a different school. I've met her only a few times.

Although Rachel appeared normal and friendly when I last saw her, Mary confided in me that Rachel has a troubled life. According to Mary, Rachel has a negative attitude, has withdrawn socially, lost a lot of weight and repeatedly mentions suicide. Mary said she has tried to kill herself more than once, but I have no details.

It seems obvious to me that Rachel is depressed and a danger to herself. I discussed this with Mary and asked why Rachel is not receiving help. She said Rachel's parents are unaware of her condition. Mary said she would be uncomfortable telling Rachel's parents because it would destroy their friendship. I don't think Mary understands how important it is to get Rachel help.

Although I am not close to Rachel, I am concerned for her. I can only imagine how devastated Mary would be if she lost a friend to suicide knowing she could have helped. Without angering her, how can I convince Mary that she has to help her friend by telling someone? Or is this none of my business? -- FRIGHTENED FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIGHTENED FRIEND: Someone must tell Rachel's parents what is going on. If you can't convince Mary to ask her parents to speak to Rachel's mom and dad, your mother should call Mary's parents to express how concerned all of you are over Rachel's welfare. I urge you to act quickly -- and I commend you for caring so much about a troubled friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am sure your column helps a lot of people. I notice that you quite rightly suggest people with problems see a counselor.

However, Abby, the title "counselor" is used by many diversely trained individuals, and it's important to understand the differences.

Psychiatrists are MDs. They are the most expensive of all counselors, the most highly trained and the only ones who can prescribe medication.

Clinical psychologists must have a Ph.D. and be state-licensed.

Social workers must have an undergraduate degree and a master's degree in social work. Many staff members in organizations dedicated to helping others call themselves social workers. Unfortunately, some of them may not even be high school graduates.

In religions, the situation is even worse. There are pastoral counselors who have doctorates in that field. Some of them do more harm than good. They do not know how to listen, they are judgmental, and tell troubled people who come to them that if they don't change their lives they are sinners!

I suggest that anyone who seeks counseling be very careful and check the counselor's credentials. -- FATHER ALEX SEABROOK, ST. BONIFACE EPISCOPAL CHURCH, TINLEY PARK, ILL.

DEAR FATHER SEABROOK: I agree it's important to know the level of expertise of the person who's giving advice, and that's why I advise readers who need counseling to seek a referral from their physician or their local mental health association.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: In January of 1994, my loving wife and best friend of 47 years passed away. I was devastated, but I am also realistic. I was 71, healthy, virile, fun-loving and enjoyed life.

A little over a month after my wife's funeral, I was tired of being alone and went to a resort. I met a lovely woman there, and a few weeks later, I called and invited her to dinner. We spent more than six hours talking, sharing a couple of small glasses of wine, and were more interested in each other than the food.

When I got home, I received a call from my younger daughter and was given the third degree. It was only the beginning. In spite of the interference, this lady and I continued to enjoy each other's company. We lived together for a year and a half and then married.

I gave my daughters one of our family trusts to allay their fear that someone might get something they thought was all theirs. It didn't help. They continued to drive a wedge between my wife and me. I later discovered they put a tap on my phone. So, where did all this lead? You guessed it. Divorce court.

It has been a year and a half; I recently met a lady on the Internet. We have been writing and talking on the phone almost daily. Three weeks ago, we met in Paris and spent a great week together. No sex was involved -- just a great time. The lady plans to come here to visit. Tonight my younger daughter informed me she intends to run her off.

As far as my daughters are concerned, I don't need a friend, a companion or wife. They are worried that someone besides them will get whatever I have left. They tell me I don't need anyone; just our family is enough. I love my grandchildren, but to be honest, I don't need my children running my life.

Abby, the lady in question is in her late 50s, is well-educated, entertaining, intelligent, and has a good job in her home country. I hate to put her through what they did to my previous wife. Should I sell everything I have and move to a different city or country? -- DESPERATE FOR A LIFE OF MY OWN

DEAR DESPERATE: It is unlikely your daughters will ever accept any woman in your life. Achieving your independence will mean you will have to separate from your daughters -- and it's likely you'll have to sacrifice your relationship with your grandchildren. I urge you to talk this entire situation over with your attorney. As your new relationship progresses, the woman will need to be protected from your daughters no matter how far from them you move.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from Thom Somes of Pet Tech Inc. The information he provided concerning pet first aid was invaluable. However, I would like to expand on one of his facts.

The leading cause of death in companion animals is NOT preventable accidents. It is euthanasia. According to the Humane Society of the United States, an estimated 4 million to 6 million companion animals are euthanized every year in America's animal shelters.

There are two simple solutions to the problem of pet overpopulation and the needless killing of adoptable animals: Have your pet spayed or neutered, and always have an up-to-date identification tag on your pet.

Thank you for getting the word out, Abby. -- JACK FISHER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, LEE COUNTY (ALA.) HUMANE SOCIETY

DEAR JACK: You're welcome. If my readers take your message to heart -- and I'm sure many of them will -- countless lives of companion animals will be saved.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in a predicament! I don't know what to do. We live on a farm. Last night after the children were asleep, I went out to the barn and found my husband hurrying to put away a mysterious bag. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "Nothing, just going through some old things." When we returned to the house together, he had some old photos of his ex-wife he said he was giving to her sister. I didn't mind. I felt that at least he was getting rid of them.

This morning, after the kids went to school, my curiosity got the best of me. I opened the bag and found some old family photographs and collectibles. Underneath, I found an envelope with his name on it. I opened it and found a letter written by his ex-wife. It wasn't an ordinary love letter -- it was a sexual fantasy.

The contents of the letter are disgusting. Now I don't know if I should destroy it, confront him, or put it back and try to forget I ever saw it. I'm afraid if I mention it he'll get angry that I snooped through his private things. If I destroy it, he will get really angry. If I leave it, I'm afraid he will read it from time to time, and I'LL be angry all over again. I wish I hadn't found it.

Abby, I love my husband and have never had any reason not to trust him, but after finding that letter, I don't know what to do. -- THE FARMER'S SECOND WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Under no circumstances should you be the one to destroy the letter. Tell your husband what you did and offer him an apology for snooping. When you tell him how upsetting the contents of the letter were, he may volunteer to get rid of it. However, the decision should be his. And if he wants to keep it, he won't be the first man (or woman) to keep a souvenir of a dead romance.

DEAR ABBY: So many people can't seem to get off the couch and into an exercise program. May I offer the following "Exercise Program for Lazy People"?

-- Jumping to conclusions

-- Beating around the bush

-- Climbing the walls

-- Passing the buck

-- Dragging my heels

-- Pushing my luck

-- Making mountains out of molehills

-- Hitting the nail on the head

-- Running around in circles

-- Climbing the ladder of success

-- Opening a can of worms

-- Starting the ball rolling

-- Jumping on the bandwagon

-- Picking up the pieces

-- Going over the edge

-- ANN E. FINK, ORANGE CITY, FLA.

DEAR ANN: What I like best about your "exercises" is they require no particular talent and no expensive equipment. However, my favorite wasn't listed: Putting your foot in your mouth.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)