DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Robbie" for 25 years. He has had numerous affairs during most of our marriage. His most recent one has devastated me.

Robbie tells me he is in love with another woman -- but that he also loves me. Robbie is a good provider. I have everything I want or need. We are set financially. I have considered leaving him and starting over, but frankly, it scares me. I feel that he is staying because he doesn't want to "lose everything." I know in my heart he wants to be with the other woman.

We have been through counseling. I thought things were OK, but they weren't. I saw the signs again.

Now my other dilemma: I'm not sure I'm in love with Robbie anymore. I'm not sure if the reason I don't leave is because of him -- or the financial security. If I stay, I'm not sure I can forgive or forget again. I know if it's not this woman, there will always be another and another.

Should I stay, or hold my head up high and go my separate way? -- HANGING ON IN INDIANA

DEAR HANGING: You are asking intelligent questions. However, no one can answer them but you. Since marriage counseling couldn't resolve the problems in your marriage, it's time to talk to an accountant and an attorney to determine the financial reality of what separating from your husband would be. Armed with that information, you can then ask yourself whether your life would be better with or without him and arrive at a logical conclusion. This may be a new beginning instead of a sad ending. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: I was going through my dear mother's Bible recently looking for my aunt's date of birth. As I opened it, I discovered one of your columns -- a "recipe" submitted by Maxine D. Mother had clipped it without the date, but I believe it was from May 1961. The recipe was for happiness. That recipe is as timely today as it was 40 years ago. Perhaps you might reprint it for those who missed it before.

Interestingly, on the back of the recipe is an ad that advertises submarine sandwiches made with three meats, four sandwiches for a dollar. Can you believe it?

In April 1961, Mother was 48 years old. I have been without her for 20 years this year. -- JAN ROLLINS, CARROLLTON, TEXAS

DEAR JAN: Thank you for reminding me of the recipe for happiness. You're right -- it's due for a repeat. As for the ad offering four submarine sandwiches for a dollar -- my, how times have changed! They cost $4 to $6 per sandwich today. I wonder how much they'll cost in another 40 years. Read on:

RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS

Take 2 heaping cups of patience

1 heartful of love

2 handsful of generosity

Dash of laughter

1 headful of understanding

Sprinkle generously with kindness

Add plenty of faith and mix well.

Spread over a period of a lifetime

And serve everybody you meet.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18. I was involved with a guy for six years. I loved him deeply. I thought he loved me. One night he admitted he was only telling me he loved me because he thought that's what I wanted to hear. Our relationship ended.

I started dating another guy I had known for five years. Two months later, we slept together. Before I knew it, he left me and went back to his ex-wife. My third boyfriend cheated on me, and then lied about it.

Abby, my friends now want to hook me up with "Larry." He has had as much bad luck with relationships as I have. I am scared. I don't want to be hurt again. I have been hurt more in my life than loved. Larry seems like a nice guy, but I don't know what to do. Any ideas? -- THREE-TIME LOSER

DEAR THREE-TIME: Accept the fact that dating is risky business, and most dating relationships do not lead to marriage. Then take a break from dating for a while. Concentrate on school, or on your career if you have completed your education. You need to rebuild your self-esteem before getting involved in another romance. In the meantime, make a friend out of Larry.

DEAR ABBY: "Tired of Family Ties," the 33-year-old man who was adopted at the age of 3 weeks and never felt the need to search for his birth mother, asked how to discontinue contact without being cruel now that she has found him.

You advised that he has a right to his feelings, and he should explain to his birth mother that he's not ready to have a relationship with her now. I would like to second that advice.

Please urge "Tired" to have an honest discussion with his birth family. I am a birth mother. I have seen changes in my relationship with my daughter whom I lost to adoption. We were reunited 14 years ago. I wish she would verbalize it.

Thankfully, I have been involved in a wonderful support group for 17 years. It is called "Concerned United Birthparents," and it is for anyone who has been touched by adoption. -- DENVER BIRTH MOM

DEAR BIRTH MOM: Thank you for the information. Concerned United Birthparents can be contacted by calling toll-free: 1-800-822-2777 or by visiting the Web site at www.CUBirthparents.org. While many reunions are happy ones, some are not. In those cases, everyone involved needs all the support they can get.

DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday night I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant. The people seated at the table behind us were extremely noisy and became even louder as the night wore on.

How should I have dealt with this situation? Asked them to quiet down? Asked the server to speak to them? Or requested another table?

Although it didn't ruin our night, it made conversation difficult. We rarely treat ourselves to such a special dinner out, and when we do we'd like to be able to hear each other's sentences!

Please let us know what to do should this happen again. Thanks, Abby. -- ANNOYED WITH THE NOISE, CARLE PLACE, N.Y.

DEAR ANNOYED: Because complaining to the offenders could have sparked a confrontation, you should have asked your server to move you to a table in a quieter location.

Next time, request a quiet corner when you make your reservation.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S funds only) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old divorced professional and mother of two. I have been dating "Fred" for seven years.

This year, for the first time, we did not spend our vacation together. As a matter of fact, he didn't even bother to call and tell me the plans had changed. I was left standing with packed bags and nowhere to go for 12 days of vacation. I don't normally travel by myself, so I was at a loss as to what to do. I was also embarrassed to have been stood up.

I called Fred's home several times and left messages on his answering machine. (We live 500 miles apart, so I couldn't just drop by and see what was up.) Abby, he hasn't returned any of my calls. At this point, I haven't a clue as to whether he's dead or alive.

Fred has never stood me up for a vacation, but he has been a no-show for a couple of dates over the years.

Now I'm trying to pick myself up and go on. I love him no matter what; however, I'm wondering if I have been dumped. Have I? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It would seem so. Fred appears to be a man of few words, but from where I'm sitting, his actions have told you "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye" loud and clear.

Consider yourself lucky. Better to know now that he got the seven-year itch than to waste any more time on him or discover it after you were married.

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my 10-year-old daughter. She seems to have a problem making friends. She's very active in sports and doesn't seem to have a problem getting along with the other kids when she's with them in a group. However, when it comes to a one-on-one friendship -- like someone spending the night or an outing at the movies -- she has a difficult time getting anyone to agree to go. I am worried that she has no real friends. -- WORRIED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WORRIED MOM: It's time to expand your daughter's horizons. Help her to get involved with other special-interest activities -- dance, skating, scouting, etc. It will give her an opportunity to make friends outside her usual circle. If she still has difficulty making friends, have a talk with her teacher and ask if there is some behavior that's creating a problem. If that doesn't help, some sessions with a child psychologist could shed some light on what's causing the problem.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are retirement age, but still working because they're in debt up to their eyeballs. They had a large family, which took its toll on their finances.

Dad is in his 70s and works two jobs. Mom works on and off at a part-time job. The problem is she loves to shop for herself and others -- buying frivolous things. Mom's holiday shopping gets way out of hand. My siblings and I are worried that if she continues this spending, Dad will never get a day off to maintain his health.

We have thought about pitching in money, but we believe Mom should help to pay their bills. If we bring it up, she keeps reminding us how hard it was being married to an alcoholic and raising six children. (Dad got help for his drinking problem several years ago. This is no time for revenge.)

We love our mother, but we're afraid if she continues her shopping frenzy, there will be no end to it. Abby, we need some straightforward advice. Sign me ... DAUGHTER OF DEBT

DEAR DAUGHTER: It's intervention time. Confiscate Mom's credit cards and get her into Debtors Anonymous. The behavior you have described is a sickness, and she needs help. For information and the location of the nearest meeting, call (781) 453-2743 or visit the Web site: www.debtorsanonymous.org.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)