DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column about what legal documents students should have once they reach the age of 18 prompted me to write.

With college starting again, please recommend that students have a personal fact sheet on hand, in a place where it can be easily located. It should include important information such as parents' names, address and phone numbers, food and drug allergies, prescription and non-prescription medications and dosages, the name and phone number of their family physician, dentist and pharmacy, their medical history and insurance information, etc.

New friends and acquaintances may not know these facts, or in an emergency will not remember them. The time it takes to look up the information in school records may mean the difference between life and death.

Because of my complex medical history and numerous prescriptions, this has been a lifesaver after accidents, when seeing new physicians and in emergency situations -- especially when out of town. I keep it on my computer and hand the information out when necessary. Doctors and nurses rely on having an accurate and complete list of data. -- BETTY NOLAN, ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR, SOUTHEASTERN OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY

DEAR BETTY: You have made a good point. In the past, I have usually targeted these suggestions to older adults. But everyone who lives independently should obey the Boy Scout motto: Be prepared. And that means printing out copies of emergency information and informing friends, roommates and dormitory advisers where they can easily find it in an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Teen-Age Aunt in Illinois," who felt guilty about reporting that she saw her sister's boyfriend hit her.

Seven years ago, 19 days before my eighth birthday, my sister was murdered by her boyfriend. Then he committed suicide. My sister loved him very much, but he didn't love her. They had two children.

He hit me only twice, but every time he hit my sister I would grab my niece and nephew and hide with them under the table. Once I almost called 911, but he left. I was afraid of him, but my sister made me promise not to tell anyone -- and I didn't.

I'm now 14, and we adopted my niece and nephew. I love them dearly, but I miss my older sister very much.

If only I had told my father what was going on, I might have saved my sister's life. I recently told my father what happened -- seven years too late. I regret that I didn't tell, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

"Teen-Age Aunt" -- if you love your sister and your niece, please tell someone! -- REGRETFUL TEEN IN GEORGIA

DEAR REGRETFUL TEEN: Thank you for a powerful letter. You will never know how many lives you may have saved today by writing it.

Now, please accept some unsolicited advice: You were a small child when this tragedy occurred. You were doing what your sister asked you to do, and at the age of 7, you couldn't have been expected to be independent enough in your judgment to have done otherwise. If you cannot let go of your feelings of guilt, talking them out with a professional counselor would be helpful. As much as one might wish it, no one can change the past. We can only change the future.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Lynn," is 19, attends college full time and comes home every day for meals and to do her homework. She earns good grades, works part time at school, and reimburses us for her excessive telephone calls.

Our problem is she refuses to listen to us when we encourage her to pick quality friends. We think her college friends are weird. They look disreputable with their tattoos and dirty clothes. Lynn says that she is legally an adult now, and she can see whom she wants.

Also, without consulting us, Lynn recently had her tongue pierced. She knew we would not approve. We think it looks stupid and it impedes her speech.

Abby, our daughter simply will not listen to us. She has big ideas about what she wants to do in the future. We have told her we will stand by her, but the truth is, she is doing everything she can do to retard her success in the world.

What should we do about our daughter? -- FRUSTRATED MOM IN NORTH JERSEY

DEAR FRUSTRATED MOM: Don't do a thing. Concentrate on what your daughter IS accomplishing:

She is attending college, which means she is going to be able to get a job when she graduates and support herself. (Provided she goes to the interview in clean business clothes, sans the tongue stud.)

She comes home every day, which means that you aren't worrying about her whereabouts.

She is working part time, which means that she does not totally rely on you for support.

She pays for her own "excessive" telephone calls.

I urge you not to squelch Lynn's "big ideas." Those are her dreams. Who's to say she might not attain them? Your daughter will outgrow the piercing and rebellion as she matures. (As will her friends.) Have patience.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman who recently moved to an upscale South Florida neighborhood. I noticed that the two women who live across the street frequently throw parties –- baby showers, graduation parties, etc. They invite everyone in the neighborhood except my nice, married next-door neighbor. She has not been invited to a single party since I've been here.

She knows there are parties, because the hostesses tie balloons to their mailboxes with messages such as "Happy Graduation," "It's a party!" or whatever. It's not as if she doesn't know the neighbors. She's lived here for five years. The neighbors always speak to her on the street, she says.

I suspect the reason she is being excluded is because she is extremely attractive. You can tell she works out a lot. The neighbors who snub her both have weight problems and short, unattractive haircuts. My friend next door has lovely, long, thick hair.

Do you think these women are trying to keep her away from their husbands? Are they insecure, envious or rude -– or perhaps all three? -- PUZZLED IN PARADISE

DEAR PUZZLED: You have hit the nail on the head when you questioned whether the hostesses could be insecure. However, neither your friend nor the hostesses have asked for my advice. Since I know none of the parties involved in the scenario, the better part of wisdom is to add no more grist to the rumor mill.

Although you are concerned for the feelings of your attractive neighbor, let your neighbors resolve their problems without involving yourself.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this because of letters and surveys I have seen that indicate a large percentage of American women lack interest in sex. I hope my experience will help other wives.

My husband has always been a generous and thoughtful lover. However, my lack of interest in sex for more than 10 years caused much sorrow and frustration. Once I told my husband I would give him a divorce if it weren't for our children. He said he never wanted to hear that again -– he loved me and wasn't going anywhere. Though that was incredibly reassuring, my difficulties with sex continued. I sought counseling, but although I realized some of my problem resulted from unwise earlier sexual relationships and issues with my parents, nothing changed for the better. In my bitterness, I could never call sex "making love."

Then one day in passing, I heard the comment, "Sex isn't entertainment."

"Well, what is it then?" I wondered. It came to me that sex then must be about love and giving, cherishing and adoring another person, and the other person also giving, cherishing and adoring in return -– a supreme representation of unconditional love given exclusively between two people. This understanding changed everything.

The next time my husband and I had sex, I thought about how much I cared about him, all the many loving things he did for me, and tried to give myself in cherishing and adoring him. It was an amazing, healing and transcendent experience unlike anything I had experienced. It was making love for the first time.

Energy I never knew I had emerged and I "made love" three more times that weekend with my amazed but grateful husband. I have gone from dreading sex to realizing I would miss it if I lost my husband. Although at times I need to remind myself what I have learned, I feel reborn to my marriage and able to love my husband more deeply –- which is true joy. I am so grateful.

One more observation: Since my new outlook more than a year ago, I truly believe the casual and graphic way sex is portrayed on television and movies cheapens it and encourages an attitude that definitely made my difficulties much worse. The use of sex -- or violence, for that matter -- by the media for ratings or money causes much distorted thinking and needless pain in many people. -– A READER IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR READER: You have written a terrific letter. Somewhere down the line, many people have stopped regarding sex as communication and adopted the idea that it was recreation -– or even sport. What was lost in the translation was intimacy and, in many cases, fidelity.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, I dated a man who gave me a family heirloom as a gift. We went our separate ways on very good terms, and he never asked for it back. This gift has always been very special to me because it was made by his grandfather and had been given to his mother. Eventually I married someone else and so did he.

I recently learned that this man has died. I don't know if I should give this heirloom to his widow. Some of my friends say that if he wanted it back he would have asked for it. Others say I should return it to his widow. Your thoughts, please. –- SUSAN IN CHESTERFIELD, VA.

DEAR SUSAN: You seem like a lovely lady. The item was given as a gift and it legally belongs to you. You are under no obligation to return it. However, since you think it might have sentimental value to the widow or their children, it would be a kindness to offer it to them.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)