DEAR ABBY: I am intrigued by women who find phone numbers in their husband's pockets or wonder why they are out late. My advice: Unless you think you're in danger of losing your husband, leave well enough alone.
I have been a happily married man for more than 25 years. For the last 10 years, I have had a male lover who is also married. Neither of us intends to leave our families. What would my wife gain if she happened to stumble on this? She would destroy her life, my life, our kids' lives, my lover's life, his family's lives -- and nothing would be gained. -- BISEXUAL IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR "BI": While we all know that some marriages are "arrangements," those kinds of relationships should be entered into with everyone's eyes wide open. Secrets of the kind you have described are not healthy for partnerships.
You ask what your wife would gain if she were to learn the truth? She would gain the ability to decide for herself if she wants to spend the rest of her life sharing her husband with another person, rather than having the decision made for her. Whether her answer is yes or no, she would be making an informed choice. She deserves the right to do so.