DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for six years. I am 11, and I have a sister who is 15.

Since our parents divorced, my sister and I fight a lot more, but I still look up to her for everything. Mom's and Dad's sides of the family constantly question us to see which one is better. Without my sister telling me what to say, I might say the wrong thing.

I love my parents, but I hate it when each of them asks questions about the other instead of enjoying our company. It's just not fair. What do you think? -- SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING, GREENVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING: I sympathize with your predicament. No one wants to be caught in the middle, and to put you there at your tender age is very unfair. Your parents -- and many others -- could benefit from the following list of "Do's and Don'ts" for divorcing couples with children that appeared in my column years ago. Read on:

First, the DO's:

-- Do allow your children to ask questions about your divorce. It's unfair to make them feel like outsiders.

-- Do answer all their questions about your divorce as truthfully as possible, without making the other parent the "heavy."

-- Do remember that your children need the love of both parents.

-- Do assure your children that they are not to blame for your divorce.

-- Do encourage your children to talk freely about their feelings -- even if it's painful to you. Bottling up emotions is even more damaging to children.

-- Do have a special place for your children's toys and belongings during visiting time. It will make them feel more at home.

Now, the DON'Ts:

-- Don't badmouth the other parent to your children, or to anyone else in their presence.

-- Don't send messages to the other parent through your children.

-- Don't ask your children to keep secrets from your ex-spouse.

-- Don't be overly generous (or less strict) in an effort to win your children's approval.

-- Don't tell your children what to think or feel. They are entitled to their own thoughts and feelings.

-- Don't try to pump your children for information about your ex-spouse. -- BEEN THERE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: I'm only a kid, but I really need your help. I want a dog. A collie. They get along with other animals and don't need a lot of exercise. The problem is that my parents hate dogs.

They say I can have as many dogs as I want when I grow up, but I can't wait that long. Almost everyone I know has a dog. I have $375, so I can afford to buy one and pay for its food and shots. Abby, how can I change my parents' minds? -- DOG-DEPRIVED IN DENVER

DEAR DOG-DEPRIVED: There is no way I can change your parents' minds for you. If I could, I would. However, if you volunteer at an animal shelter or local veterinarian's clinic, you could fill some of the void you are feeling.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband was being treated for a highly curable form of skin cancer when he noticed a flesh-colored bump on his neck. He showed it to his dermatologist who dismissed it as "nothing."

Many months later, it still hadn't gone away. He showed it to the dermatologist again. This time, the doctor decided to biopsy the bump, although he said he was still sure that, at worst, it was nonthreatening. Well, the biopsy showed it was malignant melanoma -- the deadliest skin cancer. Our lives were turned upside down in an instant. Major surgery and post-operative treatment followed.

Most of your readers have probably seen pictures in magazines and on television showing melanoma as a dark and irregular mole. My husband is living proof that there are exceptions to that rule. Please inform your readers that melanoma comes in other colors and shapes.

Early detection is crucial in cases of melanoma. Once it has spread, it is one of the deadliest forms of cancer. Self-examination is essential. If one finds a suspicious skin lesion, it should be checked out and a biopsy performed. The patient may have to insist on the biopsy. If the dermatologist tries to convince the patient there is no such thing as a non-pigmented melanoma, the patient should run, not walk, to another dermatologist.

Please spread the word. It can save some lives. -- FRANCIE SHUTLER, ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR FRANCIE: Thank you for the warning. Any suspicious lump, ulcer or sore on the skin that doesn't heal within a week should be reported to your physician. It's also important to be examined by a physician if there is any change in the size, shape or texture of a mole, or if half of it appears "different" from the other half.

Readers, contrary to popular belief, the sun is no longer a safe place in which to play. The thinning of the ozone layer has made the sun's rays more powerful and damaging than ever before. It's important to wear hats with wide brims and sunscreens with a SPF of at least 15, and limit exposure to direct sunlight between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. It's also important to protect your eyes by wearing sunglasses that screen out both UVA and UVB rays. Children need this protection as much as adults do.

For more information on skin cancer (and other skin problems), visit the American Academy of Dermatology Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.aad.org" ��www.aad.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have owned a plumbing business together for nine years. He works 12 to 14 hours a day, six days a week. When he gets off work he's too tired to do anything. We have teen-age children. He says that we should work hard now so we can have a good life later. I feel we should live for today since we don't have a guarantee for tomorrow. How can I get through to him, or am I wrong? -- SALLY IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR SALLY: Time with family is precious and limited. I admire your husband's work ethic, but he needs to strike a balance. Try to convince him to revise his schedule so that he can take an entire weekend once or twice a month to spend with family before your children leave the nest for good. That way, you will all have some happy memories to share while you're enjoying your "good life later."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a teen-age girl, and I'd like to offer some advice to other teens before they decide to have sex. Besides the possibility of getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted disease (STD), here are three reasons to remain a virgin:

1. When you get married, you want to be faithful to your spouse, right? Well, if you have sex now, you are already cheating on your future spouse.

2. Even though there are different kinds of contraceptives to choose from, none of them can protect your emotions. When you have sex, you become emotionally entangled with the other person. That's why it hurts so much if you break up. Sex should be part of a lifelong commitment.

3. Sex doesn't mean love. If your date doesn't respect your wishes not to have sex, he or she doesn't love you.

Abby, please print this. I'm so sick of my friends and classmates getting hurt by having sex. -- EAST COAST TEEN-AGER

DEAR EAST COAST TEEN-AGER: You have listed some convincing reasons for putting off having sex until marriage. I have heard from many teens over the years who said they wished they had waited. My reply to them is that just because a person has had sex doesn't mean she (or he) must continue to do so if it feels like it's doing something wrong. This is a debate that has gone on during the entire lifetime of this column. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I recently found a clipping from one of your old columns. I think it is worth repeating:

"When I saw him, I liked him.

"When I liked him, I loved him.

"When I loved him, I let him.

"When I let him, I lost him."

Some may consider me old-fashioned, but I wish one of my granddaughters had followed this advice before it was too late. -- GRANDMA IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GRANDMA: That little jingle is certainly worth reprinting. Regardless of how old it is, it contains some hard truth. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a guy, 18, and I have something to say to girls who sleep around. They may think they are "hot stuff," but they should hear what is said about them in the locker room. These poor girls think it is flattering to be sought out -- that it is a compliment to have sex. Not so! It is cheap and degrading to be used. I wouldn't want my two sisters talked about like that.

Abby, I think there should be classes to teach girls not to throw themselves away like this. -- A DECENT GUY IN DETROIT

DEAR DECENT: If only solving the problem were that simple! Judging from the mail I receive from mothers of teen-age boys, the pressure to have sex isn't a one-way street with the girls being "victimized" anymore. These days, girls pressure guys to have sex, too. A step in the right direction is for parents of teens of both sexes to let them know they don't have to perform in order to conform.

* * *

DEAR ABBY: I have been married twice and have children from both marriages. I am now divorced again and have legally changed back to my maiden name.

How should my teen-age children's friends address me? Since I am not a "Mrs.," I would almost prefer to have them call me by my first name rather than pretending I am "Mrs. Adams." -- SINGLE MOM IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SINGLE MOM: I see no reason why you shouldn't give your children's friends permission to call you by your first name since you're comfortable with it. They will think it is "cool," and probably find communicating with you more comfortable because your first name is more personal.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)