DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Cashier With a Mission" was morally correct, since the person should not shortchange customers who talk on cell phones by "forgetting" to put items into their bag or "accidentally" charging them twice.

My problem was a little different. I recently brought some items to the register in a bath and beauty shop at the mall. The girl behind the counter was using her cell phone. It was obviously a personal call. She rang up the items, took my money, bagged the merchandise and did not even bother to thank me, chatting on her cell phone all the while. As a matter of fact, she didn't even look at me.

What I'm trying to say is, people should be polite to people no matter on which side of the counter they're standing. -- "CORAL" IN BOYNTON BEACH, FLA.

DEAR CORAL: Of course civility is a two-way street. You would have done both yourself and the manager a favor had you politely pointed out that the store needs to upgrade its customer service. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a checker in a grocery store, and I, too, am irritated by cell phone users at the check stand. It is the ultimate rudeness to be oblivious to those of us who are there to serve. Many cell phone users don't even give me the courtesy of making eye contact. I would never treat them with such disrespect. What has happened to common courtesy? Sign me ... CAN'T WAIT TO RETIRE

DEAR CAN'T WAIT: Some people are under extreme time pressure. Others are having a bad day. And, sad to say, still others were never taught to respect the feelings of others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The cashier who overcharged or omitted an item purchased by a customer was guilty of both theft and dishonesty. The root of her anger seems to be lack of power and lack of managerial directive and support. Since it has happened more than once, she should request that the manager formulate a policy to handle such rudeness.

People in customer service have personal power, and they can be polite when using it. That cashier could handle the situation differently: (1) Smile. (2) Carefully push aside the items for purchase, and (3) say courteously, "I'll take care of the next customer while you complete your call."

Even with no "next customer," she can rearrange merchandise or leave the area for 60 seconds to relieve her stress. -- JERRY M., SEQUIM, WASH.

DEAR JERRY: That's certainly a more positive way to handle a difficult situation than to engage in petty larceny in an attempt to retaliate for the customer's rudeness. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a checker for 10 years. We receive a great deal of abuse from the public. I have been spat at, cursed, even had items thrown at me.

Today I waited on more than 200 people. After reading your column, I counted the cell phone users. There were 47, and all of them gave me the same rude treatment described in the letter. Since the popularization of cell phones, there has been a decline in manners. -- STEWED IN SAVANNAH

DEAR STEWED: You have my sympathy. Were I standing in your shoes and received the kind of abuse you described, I would call the manager and have him or her handle the customer who is obviously out of control.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently turned my brother "Paul" in to drug enforcement. Paul has been a drug user for years, and it is affecting the whole family.

My husband and I have been robbed twice, totaling about $10,000. My mother has depleted any money she has had by paying his expenses, and our family is always in turmoil. Aunts, uncles and grandparents have all agreed on tough love by cutting him off in every way we know how. My mother has not. She's still supporting him, paying for housing, utilities and food.

My husband and I agreed that our son is not allowed to spend time at my mother's house because Paul is still welcome there. She feels we are trying to punish her and she won't speak to me.

I had discovered Paul was selling drugs to children as young as 12 to support his habit. I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't turned him in. This could have been my child he was selling to.

My family, with the exception of my husband, son and Paul's wife, feels that I should have handled it differently -- that what I did was excessive. Paul's wife has thanked me because he had started to become violent with her and their children. The rest of the family is extremely upset with me, and some no longer talk to me.

Did I do the wrong thing? If you print this, please don't reveal my personal information. My family reads your column. -- HIS SISTER

DEAR SIS: Please do not accept the guilt trip your family is trying to lay on you. Your mother has allowed your brother to get away with his outrageous behavior because, on some level, she feels that she's to blame. Not only did you do the right thing, you may have saved a child's life by getting Paul off the streets. I commend you for having the courage to put a stop to him.

DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of Chez Josephine, a popular French bistro in the theater district of New York. I care about the well-being of my customers, particularly those who have disabilities.

However, again and again, the same difficult situation arises. Many times I am not informed when the reservation is made that someone in the party will be using a wheelchair, walker, wearing braces or walking with crutches. When I am informed in advance, I can reserve a table in the front section of my restaurant to facilitate their entrance and exit so they can avoid the discomfort and inconvenience of having to maneuver through a very crowded room. I can also reserve tables that provide extra space, since sometimes those with physical challenges cannot be moved from the wheelchair to a restaurant seat.

Abby, please urge your readers to inform the person who takes their reservation that they are bringing someone who has special needs. All restaurants, I assure you, respect those needs and are eager to make the dining experience as pleasant and enjoyable as possible. -- JEAN-CLAUDE BAKER, NEW YORK CITY

DEAR JEAN-CLAUDE: That's terrific advice from a restaurateur who knows his business and is conscientious about providing the smoothest service possible. All that's required is a little forethought before making the reservation.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. (Submitted by David Broome)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister, two brothers and I are in our teens. We are being raised by a single mother. We're finally beginning to realize how hard she works to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and smiles on our faces.

Although Father's Day has passed, we hope you'll print this poem we wrote to her to show we appreciate everything she does for us. Abby, would you please? -- THE OLDEST OF FOUR IN PHOENIX

DEAR OLDEST: I'm delighted to share your original poem with other single mothers who also bear the full responsibility of their children -- and do it well. Read on:

TO FATHER ON HER SPECIAL DAY

We're writing you a poem to say

Have a Happy Father's Day.

There are things our dad should do

But instead you filled his shoes.

And did so well in his position

When he left, we didn't miss him.

No one could have ever guessed

A pretty girl could be the best

At doing stuff reserved for Dad

Without us driving you quite mad.

And we're not sure who spread the lie

About how Dad should be a guy.

'Cause even though you wear a bra

We couldn't ask for a better pa.

The calendar might clearly say

This is father's special day.

And you might think it rather queer

That you will get two days this year.

Two decades wouldn't be enough

To show how much you mean to us

We don't care if you're a girl

You're still the best dad in the world!

DEAR ABBY: I strongly agree with your response to "Inmate on a Dead End," who said he was "on a one-way trip down a road that leads nowhere." He felt hopeless about his future behind bars.

My husband is living proof that you don't have to be stuck on a dead end. When he was 18 he made some horrible mistakes. He got mixed up with drugs and the wrong crowd. He was tried on 15 counts of armed robbery and convicted on two of them. He was sent to prison (and rightfully so) for 15 years, and gave up hope for ever having a different life.

Fortunately for him, two years into his sentence common sense kicked in. He gave up drugs and started taking the classes offered to him in prison. After six years of good behavior, he was released on parole -- which is when I met him.

After getting to know this man and finding out who he once was, compared to who he has become in the past 10 years, I cannot say enough about how proud I am of him.

In the four years since his release, he has ended his parole and is completing his college degree. We have gotten married, and just purchased our first home. These are accomplishments he never believed possible when he was first locked up.

I want "Inmate" to know that one is never beyond hope. Prison may be the best thing that ever happened to him -- it was for my husband. -- PROUD WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PROUD WIFE: Your testimonial will be welcomed by many prisoners and their families. It's never too late for a new beginning. Where there is life, there is hope.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)