DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter left her journal open on her bed and, being nosy, I read the page that was open. She had written that she had lost her virginity to her boyfriend.

We have stressed to her how important it is to save herself for marriage, but it looks like she decided not to. She had a friend who just found out she was pregnant three months ago. I can't believe this didn't make my daughter think a little bit more about it.

Should I confront her about what I read, or let it slide? It's tearing me up inside because she was brought up with better values than this.

We have always been very close and she usually talks to me about everything. Well, at least I thought she did. Any advice? -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MOM: Your daughter may have left the book open in order to open the door to discussion with you. She probably didn't know how to break the news to you any other way and feared your reaction.

How you deal with this is very important. Do not attack her and do not scold. Talk calmly; tell her you are disappointed and why. Then review why it is important for her to use every precaution if she is going to be sexually active. Use her friend as an example. I suspect your daughter already knows she has gone further than she should have and now regrets it.

DEAR ABBY: The woman I date (I'll call her Earlene) is 62 and owns her own home. She also has a truck that's fully paid for, CDs and an IRA. In other words, she's well-off.

For the last four years we have gone out to eat frequently because she lives alone and so do I. We eat out at least four days a week, breakfast and dinner. In all that time she has picked up the check only five times. Even when I pay, she never leaves a tip. She figures since I'm paying the bill, I should do it.

Earlene is from the old school -- that the man is supposed to do all the paying. I have talked to her about it. It goes in one ear and out the other. I don't believe this is fair, and it is straining our relationship because I'm not as well-off as she is.

What ever happened to equal rights for women and men? Please answer soon. This is an emergency. -- BUSTED BUDGET, ANDOVER, OHIO

DEAR B.B.: If you're asking about the Equal Rights Amendment -- it lost by a narrow margin. Even so, dating rules have changed greatly since your ladyfriend was a girl. It's time to tell the meal server, "Separate checks, please." If Earlene doesn't agree, maybe it's time to go your separate ways.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As the owner of a cabin cruiser on Lake Powell in Utah, and an occasional renter of houseboats, I have recently learned how easily I, or one of my passengers, could become a victim of carbon monoxide (CO) poisoning.

The level of CO found beneath some houseboats is so high it can kill a person after only a few breaths.

Swim ladder designs on some houseboat models create an air cavity beneath the stern deck. This space is a popular place for kids to go swimming. Many boats also vent the gasoline generator exhaust into this space, which has no outlet, allowing lethal levels of carbon monoxide to build up within a few minutes.

Sadly, since 1994, nine people have died, and since 1991, more than 100 have required emergency care -- all from CO poisoning at Lake Powell.

Abby, please warn readers about the dangers of houseboats. Houseboats are being recalled and refitted. Houseboat owners should contact their nearest U.S. Coast Guard station for more information. -- BOAT OWNER IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

DEAR BOAT OWNER: Your warning will be news to a lot of people -- it was to me -- and I hope it serves to alert individuals and families who vacation on or around rented houseboats.

The problem seems to be a design flaw in certain models of houseboats that allows carbon monoxide to collect beneath swim platforms or in the vicinity of the swim ladder near the back of the boat.

Carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless, tasteless gas. Exposure to it causes headaches, dizziness, fatigue, confusion and nausea. The symptoms can mimic those of seasickness. When breathed in high concentrations or for prolonged periods, it can cause convulsions, seizures and death. It is also the No. 1 cause of poisoning deaths in the United States. That's why proper ventilation when burning carbon fuel is a must.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old about to turn 13. I don't remember all the details of a letter in your column that touched me, but I do know what it was about -- sniffing inhalants.

When I read that letter I knew it had to be God speaking to me. I was experimenting with inhalants -- and having problems such as depression and suicidal thoughts that were beginning to take over my life.

I looked at suicide as a way out. I had it all planned, but my cousin talked to me, sensed something was wrong, and I confided in her. I didn't think she'd squeal, but she did. At first I was mad that she'd wrecked my plan. Fortunately, I was put into "Teen Recovery" to work out some of my problems.

After five days I was out and on to a new and better life -- thanks to the world's best parents, cousins, grandparents and friends that a person could ever have.

I hope my letter today will encourage some other troubled boy or girl out there to reach out if they're in trouble. Just sign me ... PRE-TEEN WITH NEW HOPE

DEAR PRE-TEEN: I, too, hope your letter reassures other kids who are in trouble that they can get the help they need. Caring family and friends are the best support system in the world.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, a paid firefighter who teaches fire-fighting classes, invited one of his young female students, whom he says has the utmost respect for him, to room with him at a seminar they attended out of town.

He didn't tell me about his plans, but I suspected it when he told me not to expect a phone call from him that night as it would be a late class, etc. I called the hotel and there was no reservation in her name.

When I came right out and asked him if she stayed with him, he admitted it. He swore she simply slept in the other bed after having too many drinks with the gang and "couldn't drive home."

Abby, she is 22 years his junior. Is it possible that this could be innocent? Is this considered acceptable? -- TORN IN KANSAS

DEAR TORN: It's possible the situation was innocent -- but not probable. Where there's smoke, there's fire.

Your husband's behavior was extremely inappropriate -- neither acceptable nor wise. Teachers with seniority are assumed to have more "power" in relationships than young, impressionable students. Students may be afraid to say no -- particularly if they have "utmost respect" for the person making the proposition.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law passed away a few months ago. He and my mother-in-law would have celebrated their 50th anniversary next month. My husband and I are not sure what to do. Do we send a card? Do we send a gift -- or should we just ignore it?

Thank you for any suggestions. -- L.D. IN LAKE WACCAMAW, N.C.

DEAR L.D.: Do not ignore your mother-in-law on the day that would have been her 50th anniversary. Send a thinking-of-you card and tell her you know this will be a sad day for her, but you want her to know you remember and are thinking of her with love.

Widows have often expressed the pain of being ignored on an anniversary following the death of a spouse. When no one mentions the special day, it's as though the marriage never happened. Although the spouse is not there to celebrate, it's still the widow/widower's anniversary of a very important day.

If you live near your mother-in-law, call her early in the day and invite her to dinner to talk about the happy times in her marriage. She'll appreciate it. Trust me.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 ($9 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)