DEAR ABBY: I am an attorney who provides legal assistance throughout the country to cemeteries, crematories, funeral homes and trade associations in the industry. I am writing to correct some popular misconceptions that were reflected in some of the letters in your column in the last few weeks.

First, all of the letter writers used the term "ashes" to describe cremated human remains. The remains of a cremated body are not ashes as the term is commonly understood. The remains are bone fragments that, if not mechanically reduced, can be too large to scatter. They do not immediately dissolve when scattered. They normally cannot be dispersed and blown away. Unfortunately, the movies and the media have misused the term "ashes" for many years, not realizing the problems it causes survivors who attempt to scatter remains in the manner often depicted.

Second, while it is permissible in all states to scatter cremated remains, there are legal requirements. No state law allows them to be scattered on private property without the consent of the property owner. Many national and state parks have specific rules, permit requirements and, sometimes, location limitations for the scattering of those remains. Several years ago, representatives of a national park and the leader of an Indian tribe contacted an industry association to complain about illegal scattering of cremated remains on the tribe's sacred burial grounds, which were located within the park. Most cemeteries also have rules and regulations that must be observed.

Third, adding an additional memorial for the cremated remains of a second spouse on the cemetery plot where the first spouse is buried has legal implications. When burial spaces are originally acquired, there is an expectation that a surviving spouse will be buried with the deceased spouse in an appropriate manner. If a companion memorial was purchased and installed when the first spouse died, changing the arrangement may require the legal consent of all survivors. In addition, most cemeteries have rules and regulations dealing with burial of cremated remains with human remains and the appropriate types of memorials.

Finally, when separating cremated remains as a keepsake, it is important to make sure that everyone agrees with the plan. The individuals who have the legal right to authorize a cremation usually have the right to determine the disposition of remains. Also, any individual who takes a portion of those remains should be cautioned to treat them in a respectful and proper manner. Unfortunately, there have been incidents where cremated remains have been disposed of in the same manner as garbage.

I hope this information will allow your readers to provide meaningful memorialization for their loved ones without violating any laws, rules and regulations -– or the rights of other individuals. –- HARVEY I. LAPIN, ESQ., NORTHBROOK, ILL.

DEAR HARVEY: I hope so, too. This is a subject that many people have enthusiastically embraced -- as reflected in past columns. Anyone who wishes to scatter the "ashes" of a loved one should first contact the appropriate authorities to make sure they are in compliance with the law.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I met and fell desperately in love with a cowboy named "Slim." I believed everything he told me -- that he had married only once and was divorced, that he had only one son. Lies, all lies. Slim was still married when he married me. He stole money and property from me, then took off to be with a woman in another state.

Abby, I adored Slim and was very good to him. I supported him, believing that he couldn't work because he was on disability. We never had sex because he told me he had a bad heart and couldn't perform, plus he had personal injuries from being gored by a bull in a rodeo. I bought him everything he needed and wanted -- clothes, medicine, you name it.

I took my retirement money and set Slim up in a flea-market business, but he took everything and ran off with another woman -- not once, but twice. I guess I wasn't thinking straight because I believed him the second time, only to have him rob me again and leave.

Now he's calling and saying he will do anything to make it work again, but he's still in another state with that woman.

What can I do to get him out of my life and to stop loving him? -- NAIVE NELLIE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NELLIE: Recognize that sometimes what we want is not good for us. This can apply to chocolate, alcohol and cowboys named Slim. Distance yourself and stop accepting his phone calls. Also, report him to the police. He is a bigamist and a con artist.

DEAR ABBY: I started smoking marijuana eight years ago. I consider myself a "social smoker." I quit for three years, then went back to using it. I can go for months without it, but always return to getting stoned again. I keep telling myself I have to stop.

If I continue using grass, I know I will never hold a good job, because I would test positive if the company has random drug testing. I want to quit. Is going to rehab the only way? Or are there other alternatives? Please help me. -- ALL "SMOKED" OUT

DEAR ALL "SMOKED" OUT: I admire the fact you recognize you have a problem that must be dealt with. Since you haven't been able to break the habit on your own, rehab and drug counseling are indicated to end your psychological addiction. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large hospital. Signs are posted everywhere asking people not to use cellular phones inside the facility. Believe it or not, some people ignore the request and use their cell phones anyway. The fact is, cell phones interfere with monitoring equipment in the emergency room, operating rooms, critical and intensive care units, neonatal units, etc.

Abby, please urge your readers to either use a pay phone for their calls, or step outside the hospital to use their cell phone. -- CONCERNED HEALTH CARE WORKER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: The activity you have described could be life-threatening. If I were a hospital employee who witnessed such a flagrant disregard for the rules, I would notify security and have the person escorted outside.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: More than a year ago, my daughter's boyfriend was thrown out of his parents' house. My husband and I opened our home to him because we felt sorry for him. The deal was, he could stay with us until he got on his own feet.

The problem is, he's still here, and we now have a grandchild from him. He barely supports the baby, let alone himself, and I have reason to believe he is cheating on my daughter. He has even put the moves on me. (They were halted promptly.) We have kicked him out several times, but he keeps returning.

How can I open my daughter's eyes to this person? No matter what I or her friends say, she still loves him and believes in him. –- UPSET MOM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MOM: It's time for the gravy train to stop and your daughter's boyfriend to disembark until he can provide a home and support for your daughter and the baby. You are doing no one a favor by allowing him to continue to be a parasite.

Explain to your daughter that until this man gets settled, it would be better for the baby -– and her -– to remain with you. Common sense tells me that could be a long, long time. She should also prepare herself to support her child, because the father is showing all the signs of being a deadbeat dad. Then pray that while concentrating on the practicalities of life, she will grow up and realize that the responsibility for her and her child's future rests entirely on her shoulders.

As much as you love your daughter, you can protect her from reality no longer. I anticipate a bumpy ride ahead and wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Still Laughing in Short Hills, N.J.," you said, "Perhaps those who think of a wedding as a fund-raiser should consider charging admission. (Only kidding!)."

Well, that's exactly what my husband and I did. Our wedding took place at a historical ranch that was being restored. It was held in conjunction with an annual event hosted in part by our local historical society. While it was in the planning stages, it was suggested that we be married at the ranch in period clothing. The catch was that our wedding would be considered the "entertainment" for that day, and anyone who attended the event would be welcome to witness the marriage ceremony and have cake. The entrance fee/donation was $1.

We sent 50 invitations to family and friends, and everyone came. The event made money (some of our friends donated more than the $1 entrance fee), and our wedding was held in beautiful surroundings with loving friends. Everyone had a great time. It was a win-win situation. It's still the talk of the town five years later.

So, you see, you can have a tasteful wedding/fund-raiser -– if it's done right. -– HAPPILY MARRIED, RIO LINDA, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: So I see. However, if it's done "wrong," it can appear to be a fund-raiser for the bride and groom -– who should be self-supporting -– and not for such a worthy cause.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letters about pennies, but I have always wondered, if someone says, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your "2 cents worth," where does the other penny go? –- TOM W., MILWAUKEE

DEAR TOM W: The other penny covers the rate of inflation since that saying was "coined."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)