DEAR ABBY: As an otologist (ear physician), I am delighted to see the public's attention drawn to the problem of hearing loss, especially noise-induced hearing loss, which is entirely preventable. However, Nanette Fabray MacDougall's recent letter and your response perpetuated a popular myth: Brief exposure to loud sound is damaging to people's hearing.

Risk to hearing is based not only on how loud the sound is, but also on HOW LONG you're exposed. The 90-decibel figure she cited is the limit set by the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration based on the assumption of a workplace exposure that lasts eight hours a day, five days a week, 52 weeks a year, for 40 years.

Exposure to rock concerts and dance clubs is certainly hazardous to the musicians and other employees who work in that environment day in and day out -- and frequent exposure would be bad for anyone who has a noisy job or hobby -- but for the rest of us, occasional exposure is harmless.

Movie theaters are unlikely to be hazardous to hearing because the sound levels are usually high for only short periods. For adults who have quiet jobs (if you can converse at arm's length without shouting, you have a quiet job), the main preventable causes of hearing loss are head injury (wear seat belts in cars, wear helmets on bicycles) and explosive noise (wear earplugs or earmuffs when firing guns and stay away from firecrackers). People with noisy jobs should insist that their employers have sound-level measurements made, and enroll them in hearing conservation programs if the exposures are hazardous.

Let's keep things in perspective. Remember that it's the dose that makes the "poison." -- ROBERT DOBIE, M.D., WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR DR. DOBIE: Thank you for setting me straight. I'm sure my readers will find your letter as enlightening as I did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Our thanks to Nanette Fabray MacDougall, but she didn't go far enough. It's not only the music in movies and TV shows that's too loud, it is also the sound effects, i.e., planes, helicopters, sirens, construction sounds, street noise, raging storms, etc., that cover the dialogue.

Perhaps if everyone who is inconvenienced would write to the companies and studios who produce these shows and complain, they would eventually get the message. -- TIRED OF THE NOISE

DEAR TIRED: It appears that some production companies are already getting the message. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have contacted TV programmers about lowering the level of the music and sound effects on their shows. Lifetime Television said they would lower the audio track on future productions of "Beyond Chance." Discovery Channel said they would pass along my complaint to program management and executives.

Abby, please urge your readers to let their voices be heard loud and clear -- by contacting TV stations and program producers. Some of them seem to be listening. -- ADAM McKEEHAN, MASON, OHIO

DEAR ADAM: That's refreshing. Readers, it's up to you. Whether it's by e-mail or snail mail, let your voices be heard.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address this letter to the American heroes of World War II. I am a Dutch lawyer, 63 years old, and retired. At the time of that terrible war I was a little boy between 4 and 8 years old.

We lived in Balikpapan (Borneo, Indonesia) until the day that women and children had to quickly leave by plane for Java, trying to escape the onrushing Japanese army. My mother, sister and I arrived in Java with nothing but the clothes and shoes we were wearing.

My father, whom I loved dearly, had to stay behind with the other employees of the Shell group in order to destroy the oil installations and plants so they couldn't be used by the Japanese. I never saw my father again. After the war, I learned that he and the other men had died in a concentration camp. My mother, sister and I were also in a concentration camp for four years. It's a miracle I survived.

I owe my life to the American soldiers who served at that time in the Pacific and Europe. Because of them, the war ended much sooner. I want to thank them all for giving everything they had and lived for, to serve America and to rescue so many nations in distress and agony. I am always happy to see that when others are too afraid, the Americans step into the breach for a world in trouble.

I want to acknowledge the brave efforts of the American military who fought gallantly in World War II, in the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force and Coast Guard. I want to thank them with my whole heart for giving their youth, their limbs and sometimes their lives in order to save the lives of defenseless children and adults. It was a heroic fight against satanic dictators and tyrants.

I realize that words may be inadequate to express my deep gratitude. But I want them to rest assured that they have not been forgotten, and that my life and the lives of so many others were saved by their heroic sacrifices.

God bless the American veterans! -- ERIK P. BOERS, HOLLAND

DEAR ERIK: You may feel that words are inadequate to express your feelings, but I'm sure the people they are intended for will get the message.

As the citizens of our great country well know, wearing a uniform and serving in the armed forces is dangerous work even in the best of times -- so I would like to extend your message: God bless our veterans and the men and women currently in our armed forces, wherever they are. They deserve to know how grateful we are. And bless the spirits of those who sacrificed their lives that we might live in freedom on this Memorial Day.

DEAR ABBY: I was the "cupid" who introduced two friends -- a widow and a widower. They have now been married more than 10 years. Today when I see them, they act like they're doing me a big favor by saying hello. I don't understand it. I have the feeling they're sore at me. What do you think is their problem? -- CUPID IN PARK RIDGE, ILL.

DEAR CUPID: Rather than speculate, call them and make a date to get together. It will give you an opportunity to find out the reason for their change in attitude, and the mystery will be solved. (Perhaps there is a statute of limitations on being nice to little naked people shooting arrows.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I will be having my second child in a few weeks. My mother is coming from her home in Malaysia to help for the first month I am back from the hospital.

I am grateful for her help, but I am also worried. She strongly believes in spanking and slapping her children and grandchildren. I was raised that way. In Asia, spanking is a common form of discipline in schools and homes. I am against it.

Last night, I was talking to my mother on the phone. My 3-year-old daughter was tired and began crying. I told Mother I would call her back after my daughter was asleep. My mother told me to slap her. I was horrified.

I told her I do not spank or slap my child. My husband and I believe in "time-outs." My mother doesn't think they are effective. I told her that slapping a child could cause damage to the eardrum and deafness. I even told her that when she spanked me as a child, I hated her for weeks. It made me a more rebellious kid. Naturally, she disagreed. She said she had spanked my nephew with a cane a few days earlier.

Abby, what do you suggest I do to "knock" some sense into my mother's head? I don't want her to spank my 3-year-old when she cries. -- DESPERATE MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: A good talking-to is a far more effective way to discipline children than hitting them. Corporal punishment not only destroys a child's self-esteem and trust, but it also enforces the idea that "might makes right."

Hitting a child when he or she misbehaves means that the adult has "reacted" instead of using the situation as an opportunity to teach more appropriate behavior. Children learn best in an atmosphere of cooperation, through teaching, discussion and observing adults who display responsible, loving, self-disciplined behavior.

When your mother arrives, you and your husband must make it clear that you will not tolerate hitting or slapping. Explain that you want your daughter to love her grandmother, not fear her and dread her arrival. If the child should misbehave, make it clear that you or your husband will handle the discipline -- and then show her how you do it.

Contrary to popular belief, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Perhaps your mother will learn from your example. If she doesn't, she must not be left alone with her granddaughter.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent letters about people during World War II who betrayed themselves by customs and mannerisms reminded me of a joke that made the rounds during that time: If military guards were on duty and a stranger approached, the guards would ask him to prove he was an American by singing the SECOND verse of "The Star-Spangled Banner." If the stranger knew the words, the guards knew he was a spy. -- KATHRYN WEEKLY, LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR KATHRYN: Funny! Even if someone knows the lyrics of the first verse, the melody is so difficult to sing that few true-blue Americans have mastered it.

DEAR ABBY: As a baby boomer "coming of age," my hair has gone from brown to 60 percent gray. When filling out forms and documents that ask for color of hair (like driver's licenses), what should I write? -- PRE-SENIOR MAN IN ARIZONA

DEAR PRE-SENIOR: Since you're more than 50 percent gray, I'd say it's time to grin and declare it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)