DEAR ABBY: Receiving a diagnosis of a serious medical condition can be confusing and overwhelming. Because there is more than one "right" treatment for many medical conditions, it is important that patients gather information so they can work with doctors and other providers to map out which course of treatment to follow. While most people want more information, many do not know where to find information that's based on the best scientific research.

A reliable resource is now available free of charge -- a booklet titled, "Now You Have a Diagnosis: What's Next?" It is the result of a partnership between the Federal Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) and the Kanter Family Foundation. It explains how to find important information and how to use that information in evaluating the risks and benefits of various treatments.

This valuable resource could help your readers to locate the vital information they need to make wise decisions. Personal copies can be obtained by calling AHRQ's toll-free number: 1-800-358-9295, TDD 1-888-586-6340, or visiting the Web site: www.AHRQ.gov. -- ELLEN M. McGOVERN, PUBLIC RELATIONS AND MARKETING, DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

DEAR ELLEN: Thank you for the helpful information. While no one looks forward to getting bad news about a serious illness, having a weapon in one's arsenal like the booklet you describe can be both a comfort and an empowering tool in fighting the disease.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-50s and recently married a wonderful man after dating him for four years. He is a widower. Years ago, he purchased a gravesite marker with his name and birthdate, as well as his late wife's name and dates, and "Together Forever" inscribed on it. I should mention that they were married for 25 years and had a child together.

In preplanning my own funeral, we have decided that I will be cremated and my urn will rest in his plot. I will have a marker of my own a little lower on the plot than his, right above my urn.

I'm considering having "The Rest of the Story" placed on my marker as a humorous comment. Plus, it makes me feel included in his life -- and death. Other sayings come to mind, but this one felt just right.

Do you or your readers have any suggestions as to how to handle the trio of bodies and marker sayings? I want to be with him forever, and I respect that his late wife felt the same way. Sign me ... LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING

DEAR JUST BEGINNING: You could also inscribe it, "... and Ever," or, "Hopefully, The Last Chapter," in case you predecease him. However, before investing in a marker with a humorous inscription, you'd be wise to see how your husband's "child" feels about it -- since that's the person who will probably be reading it.

DEAR ABBY: I am retired and contemplating writing a memoir of my family's history. There are many family secrets I can reveal, but some events are shameful.

Should I include only "good" memories in my memoir? -- GHOSTS IN THE CLOSET

DEAR GHOSTS: If you feel comfortable revealing your own transgressions, do so. Do not write about anything that might be hurtful to a living family member or one who has sensitive descendants.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It seems every week I am reminded in some form or another that teachers are the least respected, least compensated, most noble persons in our country. Exalted by politicians and the media, they are consistently portrayed in a positive manner. I believe this is deserved. They have a tough job with great responsibility.

However, Abby, there are other professions just as noble. I am a registered nurse, and along with police officers and firefighters, we do not receive the respect that teachers do. We perform tasks that no one else would want to do. We see people at their worst and are often the target of other people's frustrations.

Nurses do not get summers off, and few of us are home on holidays. Hospitals must be staffed 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The pay is fair, but the work is extremely stressful. As health-care spending decreases, nurses are asked to do more and more. The rate of back injuries among nurses is well above the national average. Many nurses suffer from "burnout" each year and transfer to other professions.

Like doctors, nurses must have continuous training in order to stay up-to-date on the latest medical treatments and protocols.

At least once in our lives, every one of us can remember being helped by a nurse. Please, Abby, tell your readers that if they know a nurse, to give him or her a hug. Take the nurse to lunch and tell that person just how special he or she is. -- PROUD TO BE AN R.N.

DEAR PROUD: Thank you for reminding my readers -- and me -- how terrific and dedicated nurses are. I urge everyone to give nurses the attention and praise they deserve during National Nurses' Week, May 6-12, 2001, and EVERY day.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like I'm in a free fall. I'm unemployed and attending school to better myself. I'm living with a girl I care about, but she has a child, and I am at a point in my life where I'm still trying to discover what I want.

I don't want to hurt this child in any way, but I've found someone else I would like to spend time with. I don't want to deceive my girlfriend, but if I tell her about the other woman, she'll kick me out of her house and I'll have no place to live.

Abby, I need to find out where I want my life to go, but I also want to make the right choices. What should I do? -- FRED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FRED: First, get a part-time job. Second, start looking for your own place to live -- perhaps student housing. Third, level with the woman with whom you're living. The sooner you are out of there, the better it will be for everyone. To stay and pretend you are committed to her and her child when you're not is dishonest and deceitful.

DEAR ABBY: Here's one for your "Can you top this?" file. A friend planned a 50th birthday party for his wife. He hired a male stripper to "entertain" the guests.

His mother was terminally ill, but gave her approval for the party to take place whether she was alive or not. Shortly before the party, she died. The party took place before she was buried. The only change was that the guests were asked to wear black. -- WHADDAYA THINK IN SEATTLE?

DEAR WHADDAYA: Even the strippers?

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the parents of two beautiful children, ages 6 and 7. My husband was divorced twice before we married. There were no children from my husband's prior marriages, and he has no contact with his former spouses.

I think we need to tell our children about his prior marriages in the next year or two, because his older nieces know about the divorces and could tell our children. My husband feels there's no need to tell the children unless they ask us directly.

Should we tell our children about the prior marriages, and if so, at what age? What can we say to them so that they won't be upset or feel insecure because of this family secret? Please advise. -- WHAT TO DO IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WHAT: Tell them now. Don't wait. When more than two people know a secret, it is no longer a secret. Since extended family members know about the prior marriages, the news should come from you and your husband rather than someone else. It would be wrong to keep this "open secret" from the children whom it will potentially affect the most. If they hear it from a relative, they may wonder how many other secrets have been kept from them. Don't worry about how to phrase it. Just say it took two strikes before Dad was able to hit a home run.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all those women who remain in loveless marriages "for the sake of the children" like I did. I wanted my children to have an intact family.

I said I would leave when my children were grown, but by then my husband had health problems, and I had responsibilities.

Intact family? That's a laugh. My children constantly fight among themselves and are disrespectful to me because that's how their father behaved.

Abby, I'm middle-aged and worn out. I wish I could divorce them all. If I had had the courage and common sense to leave when I was young enough to start over, I might now have some peace and tranquility. I gave away my life for nothing.

There isn't always a tomorrow. Sign me ... NO NAME, NO CITY, NO HOPE, NO LIFE

DEAR NO NO NO NO: If you're having a bad day, you have my sympathy. If you are being literal, and you still have your health, listen up! Being middle-aged isn't too late to make some therapeutic changes on your own behalf. It's not too late to find respite care for your husband while you take classes and sharpen the skills you'll need to make a life of your own and support yourself if necessary. Make one positive move on your own behalf, and I guarantee you'll make many others. It's only "too late" when you draw your last breath.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am fed up with phone calls from telemarketers, so I wrote a poem and have used it several times. It has proven quite effective. After I recite the poem and the telemarketers become aware of my age, they hang up.

This is my poem:

"I have lived threescore and ten

"Paying bills that never end --

"I need no more bills to pay,

"So please hang up and --

"Have a nice day!"

Abby, it has worked so far. -- S.D.G., NEW ORLEANS

DEAR S.D.G.:

I am pleased it's worked for you.

But something else that you must do

Is have them take you off their list.

And if they argue -- you insist.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)