DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship with a woman for more than four years. It ended two years ago. The hardest part was not being able to see her 7-year-old son, "Teddy," anymore. During the time we were together, he thought of me as his father. He called me Daddy, and every day told me he loved me. (His real father has never been a part of his life.)

To be frank, I miss the little guy more than I miss his mother. When we parted, I told Teddy I loved him and always would. I think of him often. Unfortunately, I have had no contact with them since they moved to a different state.

Abby, I recently met another woman. She is very nice, and we get along well. She has three kids, ages 7 to 15. I have feelings for their mom, and I know she has feelings for me. However, I am unsure about going forward with this relationship. I can't endure loving someone's kids as my own, and maybe having history repeat itself should we break up. I still have not recovered from being separated from Teddy.

I am mature enough to know that you must take chances in life. I also know that if I don't move forward with this, I'll probably regret it. Any advice? -- JUST NOT SURE, SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR JUST NOT SURE: If you feel strongly about this woman, make your move. You can't go through life looking over your shoulder.

Write to Teddy and ask how he is doing. Tell him you miss him and think of him often, and assure him that he was not the cause of the breakup with his mother. Sometimes children blame themselves for things that are not their fault.

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and about to graduate from college. I recently broke off a three-year engagement with my high-school sweetheart. I know it's unbelievable, but I have already met another man who is everything I could ever want in a husband. He has a good job, is caring, sensitive and attractive. Things are going well between us, but I have some reservations: He's divorced and has two children, ages 9 and 5.

I have not yet met his children. They live with his ex-wife. I really like this man, and I love children. My friends and family think I will be holding myself back if I get further involved with a man who has a ready-made family.

Abby, do you think I am setting myself up to be hurt by falling for someone who has an ex-wife and two children? Should I just go with my feeling that this could be the right person for me? Is it wise to get into a relationship at my age with an older man and end up raising his children when I don't yet have my own? Please respond. -- YOUNG AND CONFUSED

DEAR YOUNG: Take your time. You may still be on the rebound from ending that long engagement. This man could be for you, but it is too soon to tell.

Ask him to introduce you to his children and his ex-wife. See for yourself what your relationship with this man would be like with all of them in your life. You need more information before making any decisions that could last a lifetime. Once you've got it, follow your intuition.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I discovered an incredible need teachers have. The day after school ended, I had a couple of free hours and impulsively stopped by the school and offered to help my daughter's teacher pack up for the summer. You would have thought I donated an organ! What I did was not hard: We took down bulletin boards, packed books, etc. It was quite enjoyable.

Before school began in the fall, I offered my services again, but this time my 18- and 15-year-old daughters joined me. The teachers nearly named a day after us. We cleaned cubbies, arranged desks, cut out shapes and set out supplies. It doesn't matter if you have one hour or four. It makes a difference.

The most wonderful part was my daughters telling the teachers they had no idea how much work teachers devote to preparing for their pupils.

I recommend this as a wonderful volunteer opportunity. The added benefit was exposing my teen-agers to the "behind-the-scenes" activities of these energetic, committed professional teachers. -- KAREN WARREN, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: A terrific idea. Everyone's a winner when everyone chips in, but why stop there? Schools welcome the continual involvement of parents in their children's education, and that involvement results in more diligent students.

DEAR ABBY: I read in this morning's paper the letter from the paramedic who was called to the home where the little boy drowned. It was a sad letter that made my heart ache.

We have a fence around our pool and keep the gate securely locked. Our son knows how to swim and follows the safety rules we have established.

I thought I was a responsible pool owner -- until last Mother's Day. We had invited friends over for a cookout and swimming party. We ate in shifts so an adult would always be with the children as they swam. My friend and I were eating poolside; her husband was in the pool with the children. All four of the little ones (under 5) had taken swimming lessons and were good swimmers. My friend's son was floating on a kickboard. We looked away for a moment, and when we looked back, he was nowhere to be seen. We moved the kickboard, and there he was, trying to come up for air! Somehow, I managed to reach in and grab him.

We were lucky. He had been holding his breath. In a few more seconds, he would have drowned. All this happened in 3 feet of water, 3 feet from me, and with five adults in the pool area.

Since then, we have added new rules: We now have at least one adult watcher for every three children. This person must be alert at all times and watch the children. We rotate so the same adult isn't always the watcher. If a child cannot swim, he or she must wear a life vest, and the parents are responsible for their children the entire time they are in the pool.

Abby, a fence around a pool and a locked gate are mandatory. We had a close call we will never forget. Safety rules must not only be established, but strenuously observed. -- LIFEGUARDING MOM IN PHOENIX

DEAR LIFEGUARDING MOM: There is no telling how many lives you may have saved today because you took the time to write.

Thank you for pointing out that it is not enough to be in the vicinity of a pool -- or other body of water -- when children are in it. The children must be watched closely at all times.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Lee in Walnut Creek, Calif.," whose husband was on 11 different medications and experienced either drug interactions and/or dosage problems that led to increasing disability.

My immediate reaction to that letter was WHERE WAS HIS PHARMACIST? Could it be that the family used several pharmacies and were never asked for a complete medication list? However, someone should have asked. Pharmacists are required by state and federal regulations to counsel patients on all new prescriptions. Being aware that a patient is taking multiple prescriptions should have sent red flags up in the mind of any pharmacist taking care of that man.

I have been a practicing pharmacist for 30 years. Any time a patient takes more than eight different medications a day, I start asking questions. Often I find that some of the medications are being used to treat side effects of other medications! Then the appropriate solution is to find an alternative medication with fewer side effects.

Poly-pharmacy (the use of multiple medications for one patient) can be very dangerous. Unfortunately, many pharmacists may be hard-pressed to find the time to counsel adequately. Also, some doctors view us as police and resent our intrusion into their field of expertise.

I know doctors who listen and doctors who don't. However, those who always listen are the patients or caregivers, because they are the most affected. So I educate the patient and send him or her back to the doctor with alternatives and the tools necessary to adequately communicate their concerns. It's the biggest part of my job, and the one I don't get paid for.

To answer Lee's question about what happens to patients who have no reliable caregiver to look out for them: They enter nursing homes, or -- if the statistics can be believed -- they die. It is estimated that more than 100,000 persons in the United States die every year because of poly-pharmacy.

How do we protect the people we care about? Ask questions! Ask the doctor, the nurse and the pharmacist. Make a list of all prescribed and over-the-counter medications the patient is taking. Know what each medicine is for and what it will do. When given a new prescription, ask what current medication it replaces.

Abby, health care will not change unless we force it to. As patients we should all expect the best from each member of the team who helps us stay well. I hope your readers will make good use of this information. -- MARTHA G. MOSHER, R.PH., SENECA CASTLE, N.Y.

DEAR MARTHA: You have written an important letter. I hope it will persuade patients and caregivers to discuss their medications -- and possible drug interactions -- with their physicians and pharmacists. One can never be too careful. If someone is having prescriptions filled at several pharmacies, serious consideration should be given to ending that practice.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)