DEAR ABBY: I wholeheartedly agree with "Steaming in Massachusetts" that you shouldn't cook if you have been drinking.

Four years ago, I went out to dinner and had a few drinks. When I returned home, I threw a chicken breast and some oil in a skillet and turned on the stove to cook it for my 17-year-old son who was working late. While the skillet heated, I went into the living room, turned on the TV and sat down.

The next thing I remember, I was in my front yard being shaken by my neighbor.

I had consumed only a couple of drinks, but they were enough to make me pass out and not notice the smell of the oil smoking in the aluminum pan. Fortunately, a neighbor walking with her 5-year-old son saw the smoke pouring out of my open windows. She sent her son home to dial 911, while she stood at our fence screaming for us to get out of the house. (Our two Rottweilers wouldn't permit anyone to enter our fenced yard.)

My husband heard the neighbor's screams and went outside. When he realized I was still inside, he re-entered the house and found me fast asleep. He dragged me outside moments before the police were going to shoot the dogs to get in.

I am forever indebted to my neighbor and the fire and police departments. I learned a hard lesson I will never forget: IF YOU DRINK, STAY AWAY FROM THE STOVE! -- KAREN IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: You had a close call. Since the amount of alcohol you consumed caused you to become unconscious, I hope you called a halt to the drinking. Your frightening experience should have proven to you that when you drink, you're a danger to yourself and others.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter was young, I told her that sex was something you shared only when you had strong, special feelings for someone. I encouraged her to tell me when she reached the point she might want to become sexually active so that I could take her to the doctor for birth control.

At 16, she told me she was ready to see the doctor and get the pill. I felt she was still too young, but I honored her request and took her to see our doctor.

On the way home, a little angel on my shoulder prompted me to say, "Remember, honey, just because you can, doesn't mean you have to. The choice is still yours, and you still have the right to say no."

She gave a big sigh of relief. I later learned that she postponed having sex until she was 19. -- LOS ANGELES MOM

DEAR MOM: How wise you were.

At the age of 16, many teens begin to assert their independence, and they sometimes do so by doing exactly what the parents discourage. Reminding your daughter that the choice was still hers and trusting her to make the right decision was a clever way to handle this tricky situation.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I recently discussed this question: What is the appropriate cut-off time to call someone on the telephone? Our answers have ranged anywhere from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. What is your thinking on this? -- CALL-WAITING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CALL-WAITING: The answer depends upon the parties you are calling and the hours they keep. Ask the people in question what would be the latest they would welcome calls and respect their wishes.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. Two years ago, my husband had an affair. We weathered the storm; our marriage is intact. However, the aftershocks keep coming when I least expect them.

A couple my husband and I had befriended when we were first married are being married this fall. During my husband's affair, they covered for him and kept his affair a secret from me. In many ways, they made it easier for him to carry on without getting caught. During this time, they would have nothing to do with me. Even after I discovered the affair, neither offered me any support, and I never received an apology.

Now their wedding festivities are under way, and they are starting to warm up to me again. They have asked my husband to be in the wedding. He wants to throw them a big wedding party, and of course, he will want to buy them an expensive gift.

I grit my teeth thinking about having to play the friendly hostess to two people who betrayed me and whom I have not yet forgiven. I have not told my husband how I feel because I am committed to letting go of the past and not holding this affair over his head. He has been an exemplary husband ever since it ended, but I really want no part of this wedding. Please help me. -- HURT AND ANGRY, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR HURT AND ANGRY: Considering that the couple aided and abetted your husband in the affair and offered no explanation or apology for their part in it, your feelings are justified.

Before letting the plans for the party go further, tell your husband exactly how you feel about hosting a party for the couple who had a hand in nearly destroying your marriage. If he's expecting you to play hostess, he needs a wake-up call.

P.S. An affair is like an earthquake; it causes cracks in the foundation of the marriage. If you and your husband haven't already done so, schedule some sessions with a marriage counselor. Until you do, the "aftershocks" will continue, and your union could crumble.

DEAR ABBY: I wholeheartedly agree with your answer about how the ashes of a cremated loved one should be handled. You said if it would be comforting to the surviving relatives, a portion could be given to them.

When our youngest son -- an avid skier -- was killed in an auto accident on his way to ski three years ago, we were stunned. One of his friends asked if he could have some of his ashes to spread at a favorite ski run they had enjoyed together. That led to our decision to divide his ashes and place them in vials. After the memorial service, we invited anyone who wished to take some to spread at a special place they had shared with our son, and to let us know where and why they chose their special place. The responses delighted us.

His ashes are spread from Canada to New Mexico; the stories his friends wrote and shared with us are beautiful. We spread some of the ashes in Ohio where his youth was spent, and we took some to Scotland to scatter on his grandmother's grave.

We think he would be very pleased with how we handled this. -- SAD, BUT AT PEACE IN ARIZONA

DEAR AT PEACE: You handled it beautifully -- and I'm pleased it brought you comfort. I have a hunch that the letters you received from your son's friends will be a more meaningful memorial than an epitaph carved in granite would have been.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I manage a small branch office with one subordinate, an older man named "Maury." Until I was hired a few weeks ago, he worked for several years with almost no supervision. Now I'm trying to deal with his many bad habits -- the worst being his endless conversation.

Maury chatters away about every conceivable topic -- to me as well as to customers. Not only is his information self-aggrandizing and inaccurate, but it's almost always unwelcome. He ignores all subtle signs to end a conversation, such as the person walking away or saying goodbye. He goes on and on and often follows the customer or me around, interrupting whenever he pleases.

Customers have complained to me about his inappropriate chatter and behavior.

Since Maury and I are the only people working in this office, I must maintain a cordial working relationship with this character, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. My supervisor has left it up to me to "shut him up" and curb his behavior. Please advise me, Abby. -- FEELING ALONE IN THE OFFICE

DEAR ALONE: It's your job to manage Maury, so begin by establishing "visiting time" on breaks only, and see that he sticks to it. You may sound like a broken record, but as many times a day as necessary, emphasize that more work (and less talk) must be the rule during business hours.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks before my birthday, my husband took me to a local jewelry store. He had me try on beautiful diamond rings and asked me which one I liked best. Then about a week before my birthday I was watching the Shopping Channel. They were showing cubic zirconia rings. My husband walked into the room and said, "Oh, I can do much better than that. Did I tell you that I went shopping today?"

On my birthday I excitedly opened my gift and found a bathrobe! I waited all day for the little box with the beautiful ring. It never came.

My question: Was this a mean, thoughtless trick to play, or am I being a baby? Please answer honestly. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN TULSA

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Have you carefully examined the pockets of the bathrobe? If they are empty, your husband played a dirty trick on you.

DEAR ABBY: I work nights in a small hotel. Quite often, one of our guests stays for long periods of time.

I have developed a friendship with him. We talk a lot when I'm on shift, and he has asked me out for dinner on several occasions. I would love to go, but I'm not sure I should.

Would I be crossing the line trying to mix business with pleasure, or is it OK to have a social relationship with a business contact? He's absolutely adorable, and I'd hate to miss the chance to have a closer relationship.

What do you think? -- JUST ME IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR JUST ME: If the man is eligible, and there are no hotel rules against socializing with guests, I see no reason why you can't explore the relationship further. However, before you do, please ask yourself what your degree of embarrassment (or disappointment) might be if the relationship DOESN'T work out as you hope. Is it worth the risk?

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)