DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter about women pallbearers, I had to write.

We are a family of six girls. In September 1993, my sister Ethel was diagnosed with cancer. Together, we girls saw Ethel through surgeries, chemo and radiation, and then we took her home to help her through her final months on Earth. During my last visit (I live away), Ethel was planning her funeral. When the subject of pallbearers came up, I told her I intended to act as a pallbearer. Her face lit up. "What if all of you could do that?" she asked. She turned to the funeral director and asked, "Can they?"

Ethel died at home on Oct. 24, 1994, and all her sisters and brothers-in-law wheeled her coffin into the church for her service. As my mother said, "You were all there to help her when she needed it; why shouldn't you help her now?"

It's a memory I'll always treasure. It was the last time all six of us could do something together. -- ETHEL'S SISTER, BANGOR, MAINE

DEAR SISTER: Thank you for sharing such a heartwarming memory. The feedback about that letter has been overwhelmingly positive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman, and I have served as a pallbearer twice. The first time was for my Aunt Helen. When I asked my Uncle Tony if it would be all right, he seemed surprised, but he agreed. He said he thought Helen would be proud that her niece wanted to do it.

The second time was for my own dear dad. His sudden death rocked my world, and all I wanted was to be "with him" as long as I could.

Both times, people complimented me on a job well done and said they had never before seen a woman pallbearer. That should change. I encourage other women to do it. It was an ideal way to say goodbye. I imagine Aunt Helen and Dad looking down, smiling with pride because I chose to be me. -- RACHEL IN FRANKLIN, MASS.

DEAR RACHEL: I'm sure they were smiling, just as your letter will bring a smile to the faces of countless readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I insisted on helping to carry out my mother's casket. I felt that since Mother had carried me for nine months into my life, I could certainly bear her weight and carry her for the last time. I took one of the first two spots in order to be closer to her heart. It gave me an enormous feeling of peace and helped tremendously in my grieving process. -- JANE IN OHIO

DEAR JANE: I'm sure it was both comforting and empowering to act decisively during such a painful time. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: What's the big deal about female pallbearers? By the time I was 13, I had been asked to do it four times. When I was 9, a 6-month-old baby boy died. His parents asked four neighbor girls to be pallbearers at their infant son's funeral. Six months later, an 18-month-old baby boy died and all four of us were asked to serve as pallbearers again. At 11, I was a pallbearer for a 9-year-old girl from my Sunday school class.

I'm now 81, and I'll never forget those experiences from my youth. All of us were proud to help with something so important. -- HONORED IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR HONORED: Your letter should put to rest the idea that women pallbearers are a recent phenomenon. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the female pallbearer brought back the memory of a story my grandma told me about a woman who was planning her funeral back in the '40s. She insisted she wanted women to carry her casket when she died. Her reason: Since men didn't take her out while she was living, she didn't want them carrying her out when she was dead. -- BETTY IN FLORIDA

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Kelly in Temecula," whose dog died as a result of eating a kitchen towel, touched my heart. I have been an emergency and critical-care veterinarian for many years, and her story is not uncommon. However, your warning left out an important point.

In her letter, Kelly said that for two or three days her dog wouldn't eat or drink, was lethargic and vomiting. Abby, if a dog vomits once and returns to normal, that's OK. However, if it vomits and is lethargic and anorexic, or vomits multiple times, the situation becomes an emergency.

Do not wait until it is convenient to see your family vet. Prompt medical care can be lifesaving, and also cost-effective. In almost every area of the country, there are qualified emergency veterinary hospitals to help your pet at night and on weekends, or even when your vet is booked up during the day.

Emergency vets work with your family vet -- we do not compete. If your pet is stable and can wait to be seen by your family vet, you will be given that option. Consider the emergency examination fee a small price to pay for your peace of mind.

Emergency facilities can be found in the yellow pages of the phone book or by calling your family vet's office at any time. Most will have an after-hours answering machine with instructions and referrals to the nearest emergency hospital that they recommend. All emergency hospitals are happy to give advice over the phone, help you determine the seriousness of the situation, and even recommend first aid. That is our job.

The phone number of a local emergency animal hospital is one all pet owners should keep handy. Many emergency hospitals give out free refrigerator magnets for this purpose. -- MITZI M. HOWARD, D.V.M.

DEAR DR. HOWARD: It has been many years since I was a pet owner, and I was not aware that this terrific service existed. I'll bet many of my readers are also unaware of it.

Thank you for a letter that is sure to be a real lifesaver not only for a four-footed friend, but also its two-footed guardian.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married in August. My fiance, "Dexter," wants a simple courthouse wedding. I want a traditional wedding. I have compromised and am trying to keep it as cheap as possible -- under $2,000.

Dexter will have nothing to do with the planning because he thinks it is a waste of money. How can I make him understand that a nice wedding is important to me? This is supposed to be the biggest and best event of our lives. -- LORRAINE IN MISSOURI

DEAR LORRAINE: Your fiance's values are very different from yours. You have compromised for him, and he should be willing to do the same for you. Before making any more wedding plans, please consider this: If you can't reach a "happy" compromise about your wedding, what will your future be like with this man?

CONFIDENTIAL TO "GYM-PHOBIC" IN GALVESTON: Follow your doctor's orders and try again. Keep repeating the following mantra: "Behind every beautiful woman is a beautiful behind." Take it from me -- it works!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to apologize to the man I cut off in merging traffic on the interstate the other day.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. I saw your mouth moving 100 miles a minute and the anger contorting your face. I got back in the other lane as quickly as I could, and I want you to know I was scared to death when you pulled up beside me and started honking the horn. We were approaching a slow-moving semi, and I was terrified you might run me off the road.

You honked for quite a while. I didn't look over because I knew it wouldn't do any good. I knew I had cut you off, and I'm sorry for that, but your forcing me into a dangerous path on the interstate was not safe for either of us. I was afraid if I turned to look at you, you would pull a gun on me or run me into the ditch. I wanted to focus on driving, but instead, I had to concentrate on a car locking me into a lane, honking at me, swearing at me. I was afraid you would damage my car or maybe follow me home.

Both of our actions were dangerous to other people, but there is a difference between them. I cut you off by accident; your reaction was reckless and intentional. The next time you are in a similar situation, I hope you'll extend a little mercy. It would be beneficial not only to the person in my position, but to the rest of the people trying to travel safely on the road. -- GIRL IN THE BLUE CAR

DEAR GIRL: Your letter carries an important message. Incidents of road rage are all too common, and the guilty parties are both male and female. Rudeness on the roadway, overreaction to the careless driving habits of others, immaturity and sheer recklessness are invitations to tragedy. I sometimes think it wouldn't hurt if reciting the Golden Rule were mandatory before being allowed to pass the driving test. That way people would be driving "under the influence" of something positive.

DEAR ABBY: This may top the letter about the couple who invited friends to their anniversary party and used the cash the guests put on their money tree to finance their divorce.

I was recently invited to a bridal shower. The mother wrote on all the invitations, "I have purchased ALL the gifts my daughter would like. So please come to my house to purchase the gifts from me."

How is that for nerve? All of the gifts were expensive. Most of the invitees felt obligated to buy them and did so with great resentment.

The daughter is a spoiled, pretentious brat -- but mother and daughter got what they wanted. I dare anyone to top this one. -- TICKED OFF IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TICKED OFF: Feeling as you do about the bride and her mother, why did you attend the shower? Are these people you plan on having anything to do with in the future? I'm surprised you allowed yourself to be used that way when you could have "round-filed" the invitation.

P.S. Be careful when you toss down the gauntlet and ask if anyone can top a social gaffe. Someone is usually able to do it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)