DEAR ABBY: I know you don't get many letters from 12-year-old girls, but something has been bothering me for the past five weeks, and I thought maybe you could help me.

My school had a dance three weeks ago. I've had a good friend for four years, and I asked if he wanted to go with me. He said no. Since he said no, I have been devastated. Not because he said no, but because since that time when I pass him in the hall at school, he won't look at or talk to me.

It doesn't matter if we ever go out on a date. All that matters is that we once again become the good friends we were before I asked him to the dance. If I could tell him I'm sorry in front of a million people, I would. I wish we were good friends again. -- FEELING LOW IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR FEELING LOW: Be patient. The boy was probably embarrassed because he is socially awkward. Continue to smile and say hello when you see him in the hall. In a few years, his hormones will kick in, and he'll catch up to your level of maturity.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and pregnant. My boyfriend and I have made the heartbreaking decision to place our son for adoption. We reached this decision because we want to make sure this child has everything he needs and deserves.

My boyfriend's mother feels we are taking "the easy way out" and not accepting responsibility for our actions. Abby, we have definitely found nothing "easy" about choosing adoption. We want his mother's support in our decision and want her to realize we ARE being responsible by giving our son the best life possible, and her attitude has deeply affected my boyfriend and me.

Please ask your readers to support their children's decisions, regardless of personal feelings. Parental support is worth more than words can say. -- HEARTBROKEN IN OHIO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your boyfriend's mother's attitude will affect you only as long as you let it. Please do not allow her to make you feel guilty for the decision you have made. You and your boyfriend made a deeply personal choice that only the two of you could make. If it is of any comfort to you, I support you in your decision.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old single woman. While growing up, my father physically threatened me, and verbally abused me with insults, put-downs and vulgar language. My mother and I haven't had anything to do with him for 15 years.

My father is now very ill and doesn't have long to live. He leaves me angry voice-mail messages because I refuse to take care of him.

Abby, am I being a bad daughter for not wanting to subject myself to his abuse? -- NEEDING HELP IN MARYLAND

DEAR NEEDING HELP: Definitely not. Give your father the name of a licensed attendant-care agency in his area. They are listed in the telephone yellow pages. Attendants are trained to handle the needs of ill and disabled people.

Don't feel guilty for protecting yourself from a man who obviously hasn't changed in the last 15 years.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old male. I have had erectile dysfunction for five years. I am sure this was the cause of my last divorce. I like to date women, but when it's time to initiate a physical relationship, I usually move on.

When I showed no interest in sex, one woman asked if I was gay. Another went so far as to ask me to "prove it."

I have a heart condition, diabetes, and the medicine I am prescribed prevents me from taking Viagra.

Abby, how do I handle this gracefully? -- JUST WANT TO DATE IN MODESTO, CALIF.

DEAR JUST: You don't owe these women an explanation unless you're considering a committed relationship. I see no reason to disclose your medical problems before that.

Continue dating. Don't isolate yourself. Many women out there are just looking for companionship, too. You will find someone. Trust me!

DEAR ABBY: I just lost my husband. He was 61 years old and suffered a massive coronary at home. Taking care of all the things a "new" widow must do has been very hard.

My husband had been married before, briefly, in the 1960s. When I contacted the Social Security office, they told me I would have to provide a copy of his divorce papers -- among other documents -- before I could receive his widow benefits. (Thank God his mother is still living and could tell me which city to contact and the approximate year of the divorce.)

I am writing this for the benefit of other women who are second and third wives. NOW is the time to get the divorce papers from their husbands' previous marriages. Doing it while you are grief-stricken is very stressful. -- HANGING BY A THREAD, TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR HANGING BY A THREAD: Please accept my condolences for the sudden loss of your beloved husband. I am sure many couples will be grateful that you made it a point at this difficult time to warn them.

You now need all of the support you can get, and I do not mean just financial. I hope you will find a grief-support group to help you through. Many readers have written to tell me how helpful they are. Please let me know how you are in six months. I care.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 23 years. Last week she got a letter from an old boyfriend, and she called him. I can understand why this guy is curious, and I don't mind that she called him, but they've been meeting for coffee.

I am not a jealous person, but I don't understand what he wants. I feel she should have just said "thanks for calling," and let that be the end of it.

We have never had any problems in our marriage, but I feel we are now definitely headed for one. Got any suggestions? -- WORRIED IN WICHITA

DEAR WORRIED: It's time for you to meet this old beau. The next time they have a coffee date, you should be included. It may put your fears to rest -- or alert you that trouble is brewing.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please print this so "Out in the Cold Up North" can see it. She's the 14-year-old girl who thinks she should have sex because her friends do.

I felt the same way she does when I was 14. My reason was very similar -- to be like my friends. That decision was the worst I ever made. I am now 18 and have a sexually transmitted disease I can't get rid of.

When you're young, you don't think something like an STD can happen to you, but I'm here to tell you it CAN. I live in pain every day -- emotionally and physically -- and if I could make one wish, it would be to take back my decision.

I hope that girl realizes there are plenty of other ways to fit in. Sex doesn't have to be one of them. Next time she's tempted to have sex in order to be popular, she should remember, "What is popular is not always right -- and what is right is not always popular." -- ANNONY-MISS IN HELENA, MONT.

DEAR "MISS": I hope "Out in the Cold" heeds your advice. If you aren't already receiving support in coping with your STD, you would be wise to contact the American Social Health Association (ASHA). The organization can be very helpful. Write: ASHA, P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709. The Web address is www.ashastd.org. And there's a special Web site for teens, filled with helpful information: www.iwannaknow.org. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please urge that girl not to have sex because her friends are doing it! When I was 14, I decided to have sex with someone I thought I loved. He, on the other hand, wanted to have sex with a virgin. I regret the decision to this day. Needless to say, the guy told all his friends, and they all tried to have sex with me, too. I have had 10 partners since then, and I'm 18.

I have been married to my last partner for a year, and we have a newborn daughter. I don't regret the family I have, but I would rather go out with my friends and have fun than stay home.

I'm not saying this will happen to "Out in the Cold," but she might end up pregnant and the guy won't care. Every time she has sex with someone, a part of herself will be taken away, and she'll regret it. Sex isn't a solution to anything; it just brings more problems to a teen-ager's life.

I wish I had waited until I met my husband, because then I wouldn't have all the heartbreak and pain that I do now. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

DEAR BEEN THERE: If you can possibly arrange to have some counseling to come to terms with your guilt and pain, I urge you to do so. It will greatly improve your life. Ask your doctor to refer you, or seek out a family services center where fees are based on your ability to pay. Your county's department of mental health may also be able to refer you to affordable counseling, as can the United Way. Please check it out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I agree with you that "Out in the Cold" should thank her lucky stars that she hasn't been subjected to the pressure her friends have. When I made the choice not to have sex until I was married, I channeled my energies into studying, working and earning an advanced degree. I cultivated many rewarding relationships with family and friends along the way. I found there were many nice young men who were looking for nice young women -- and there still are. That girl needs some new friends.

There is a growing movement of teens who are committing themselves to purity before marriage. It may seem hard now -- but if she will just enjoy her current status, she'll have a far happier life. -- MARIETTA, GA., READER

DEAR READER: I am aware that many teen-agers are signing purity pledges these days and wearing promise rings that signify their determination to remain that way. However, I seldom hear from them because they are not the ones having problems.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)