DEAR ABBY: Tax time is approaching. As a tax practitioner, I am asking for your help. Please inform your readers:

(1) Same- or next-day "refunds" are NOT refunds. They are super-high interest loans with interest rates higher than some loan sharks charge! If you file early, you can get your money back in as little as two weeks.

(2) Allow the practitioner to use a direct-deposit refund. If you don't, your return could take up to 10 days longer to be printed, sorted and mailed. The IRS already knows about every bank account you have, so you have nothing to fear.

(3) Choose a practitioner who will be there after the end of April. Don't use a tax mill that disappears after three or four months.

(4) Make sure the preparer signs your return. IT'S THE LAW. If he or she refuses, do not pay for or accept the return. Remember, you are just as responsible for your tax preparer's mistakes as he or she is for yours.

(5) Don't ask the preparer to do something illegal. (You could wind up as cellmates.)

(6) Just because somebody you know took a certain tax deduction does not mean you're also eligible.

(7) The IRS now requires Social Security numbers for each member of your family. Most hospitals arrange for numbers to be issued at birth. You can also obtain one from your local Social Security office. If you are a nonresident alien, the local IRS office will issue you a temporary number for identification purposes while you are in this country.

Thanks for your help in getting this information out, Abby. -- TAX TIPS FROM A PROFESSIONAL

DEAR PROFESSIONAL: As people scramble to get their tax filing done, it's tempting to take a few shortcuts. Thank you for your warnings and helpful suggestions. I hope my readers will take them to heart.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to "Terrified in the South," who discovered her husband's interest in child pornography. "Terrified" asked whether you thought her husband could be a child molester and said that she couldn't stand the thought of her husband touching her "if he ... hurt a child like that."

Abby, her husband doesn't need to physically touch a child to "hurt a child like that"; his desire for child pornography creates and fuels the demand for the sexual exploitation of children. Please inform your readers that the very act of downloading or viewing child pornography is a criminal act and creates the environment for children to be sexually abused by SOMEONE.

The U.S. Customs Service investigates the trafficking of child pornography via the Internet. If your readers suspect someone is involved with child pornography over the Internet, referrals can be made by calling 1-800-BE ALERT (1-800-232-5378) or via e-mail to c3(at)customs.treas.gov. -- GABRIEL HAGAN, SPECIAL AGENT, U.S. CUSTOMS SERVICE

DEAR SPECIAL AGENT HAGAN: Thank you for your expertise on this subject. Child pornography is a vice that affects everyone whose lives are in any way touched by it. I suspect your letter will be clipped and saved by concerned readers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a loving father of two boys and have been happily married for six years. However, my wife and I are having a serious conflict.

I love to fish and hunt. About eight times a year, I take a trip to hunt or fish. The trip usually lasts from one afternoon until the next evening. I am gone about 32 hours. This infuriates my wife. We argue every time I get ready to go. This is the only thing we argue about, but the arguments are serious and affect both of us adversely.

Abby, I try to be the best father and husband I know how. I spend almost every day of the week with my family. We go places together all the time. We are both Christians and take our children to church every week.

I have offered to go to counseling to see if we could get some help. She says it's not necessary because the problem isn't that big. I can't help but believe that our problem is about more than just a question of hunting and fishing. I feel she wants to control me. She says she just misses me. She agrees that I spend more time with the family than most husbands do. I do this out of love.

Am I wrong? Should I offer to give up my hobbies? Is it wrong for me to go hunting and fishing on occasion? Abby, I would never neglect my family. Any advice you can offer will be appreciated. -- KENTUCKY HUBBY

DEAR HUBBY: Eight days a year of personal time devoted to hunting or fishing is not a lot to ask. Whether she will admit it to herself or not, your wife's behavior is controlling. By picking a fight with you she ensures that if you go, your pleasure will be lessened.

Since you feel that the arguments are serious, by all means talk to a counselor before the problems escalate further. You could both benefit by going, but if your wife continues to minimize the importance of this issue, go without her. You will gain valuable insight.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a family who refuses to take their 92-year-old grandmother to the doctor for her yearly checkup? They say it's "too far."

As far as I'm concerned, no distance is "too far" if you care. She has offered to pay for the gas, but they still refuse.

Are there agencies that will pick up people and take them to their doctor's office? -- A FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: What you are describing is a form of elder abuse. Notify the doctor's office. They should be able to contact a local agency that assists seniors and others who qualify for free or low-cost transportation to medical appointments.

P.S. Since her family is unwilling to monitor the health of their aged grandmother, it's possible that she should be visited by a social worker from time to time.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a man who had affairs throughout his marriage and, after his wife died, put "Beloved Wife" on her tombstone? -- KNOWS THE TRUTH IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR KNOWS THE TRUTH: I think he's guilty of false advertising.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I opened the newspaper today, in the front section was a photograph of Lucille Ball. Her blue eyes, red hair and lovely smile reminded me of my mother. My mother was only 49 when she passed away last month.

Mom had a hard life. She was weak from the beginning. She weighed 1 pound at birth and had only one lung. Her whole life, she hated going to doctors. I try to comfort my stepfather because he blamed himself for not forcing Mother to consult a doctor when she first started feeling sick.

Abby, please tell your readers that if they have a parent who is sick, and he or she says, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," TAKE CHARGE. Sick people don't always know what's good for them, especially when they're as stubborn as a red-headed woman. -- OLDEST DAUGHTER MISSING MOM

DEAR DAUGHTER: I offer my condolences for the loss of your beloved mother, who died at such an early age.

I'm pleased to pass along your important message. Sometimes serious symptoms can be "vague" -- as in heart problems in women. If they persist, the safest thing is to have them checked by a physician. There's truth to the saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." In a case like this, an ounce of prevention can be lifesaving.

DEAR ABBY: I am facing a serious problem. I have an 18-month-old son. His father refuses to do anything for him -- with the exception of supporting him financially. He considers our child to be an 18-year debt -- not a son.

I'm 21 and can make it without his support. I want to terminate this man's rights to my son and stop the support payments. My little boy will never know this man as a loving father, and I want to remarry and have someone adopt him.

Everyone around me says I am stupid to want such a thing, that I should continue to make him pay. I want what is best emotionally for my son. Abby, what should I do? -- DESPERATE MOTHER IN N.C.

DEAR DESPERATE: Considering the lack of attachment the boy's father has for his child, I sympathize with what you would like to do. Consult a lawyer and discuss the advisability of terminating the legal arrangement you now have. That way, you will know if there are any financial pitfalls ahead.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the midst of planning my wedding and have been going over the guest list. I have a former brother-in-law I want to invite, but I've been told by several people that it's not proper to invite an "ex."

My former brother-in-law and I have always maintained a friendship, and I still feel close to him. He's like family. He and my sister ended their marriage on good terms, and they've stayed in contact because of their children.

Abby, what's the proper etiquette for inviting ex in-laws to a formal function? -- MINNEAPOLIS BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Since your former brother-in-law is on good terms with your sister and still "family" to you, there is no reason to exclude him from your wedding. By all means, follow your instincts and invite him. He deserves to be a part of your celebration.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)