DEAR ABBY: I am a loving father of two boys and have been happily married for six years. However, my wife and I are having a serious conflict.

I love to fish and hunt. About eight times a year, I take a trip to hunt or fish. The trip usually lasts from one afternoon until the next evening. I am gone about 32 hours. This infuriates my wife. We argue every time I get ready to go. This is the only thing we argue about, but the arguments are serious and affect both of us adversely.

Abby, I try to be the best father and husband I know how. I spend almost every day of the week with my family. We go places together all the time. We are both Christians and take our children to church every week.

I have offered to go to counseling to see if we could get some help. She says it's not necessary because the problem isn't that big. I can't help but believe that our problem is about more than just a question of hunting and fishing. I feel she wants to control me. She says she just misses me. She agrees that I spend more time with the family than most husbands do. I do this out of love.

Am I wrong? Should I offer to give up my hobbies? Is it wrong for me to go hunting and fishing on occasion? Abby, I would never neglect my family. Any advice you can offer will be appreciated. -- KENTUCKY HUBBY

DEAR HUBBY: Eight days a year of personal time devoted to hunting or fishing is not a lot to ask. Whether she will admit it to herself or not, your wife's behavior is controlling. By picking a fight with you she ensures that if you go, your pleasure will be lessened.

Since you feel that the arguments are serious, by all means talk to a counselor before the problems escalate further. You could both benefit by going, but if your wife continues to minimize the importance of this issue, go without her. You will gain valuable insight.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a family who refuses to take their 92-year-old grandmother to the doctor for her yearly checkup? They say it's "too far."

As far as I'm concerned, no distance is "too far" if you care. She has offered to pay for the gas, but they still refuse.

Are there agencies that will pick up people and take them to their doctor's office? -- A FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: What you are describing is a form of elder abuse. Notify the doctor's office. They should be able to contact a local agency that assists seniors and others who qualify for free or low-cost transportation to medical appointments.

P.S. Since her family is unwilling to monitor the health of their aged grandmother, it's possible that she should be visited by a social worker from time to time.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a man who had affairs throughout his marriage and, after his wife died, put "Beloved Wife" on her tombstone? -- KNOWS THE TRUTH IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR KNOWS THE TRUTH: I think he's guilty of false advertising.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I opened the newspaper today, in the front section was a photograph of Lucille Ball. Her blue eyes, red hair and lovely smile reminded me of my mother. My mother was only 49 when she passed away last month.

Mom had a hard life. She was weak from the beginning. She weighed 1 pound at birth and had only one lung. Her whole life, she hated going to doctors. I try to comfort my stepfather because he blamed himself for not forcing Mother to consult a doctor when she first started feeling sick.

Abby, please tell your readers that if they have a parent who is sick, and he or she says, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," TAKE CHARGE. Sick people don't always know what's good for them, especially when they're as stubborn as a red-headed woman. -- OLDEST DAUGHTER MISSING MOM

DEAR DAUGHTER: I offer my condolences for the loss of your beloved mother, who died at such an early age.

I'm pleased to pass along your important message. Sometimes serious symptoms can be "vague" -- as in heart problems in women. If they persist, the safest thing is to have them checked by a physician. There's truth to the saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." In a case like this, an ounce of prevention can be lifesaving.

DEAR ABBY: I am facing a serious problem. I have an 18-month-old son. His father refuses to do anything for him -- with the exception of supporting him financially. He considers our child to be an 18-year debt -- not a son.

I'm 21 and can make it without his support. I want to terminate this man's rights to my son and stop the support payments. My little boy will never know this man as a loving father, and I want to remarry and have someone adopt him.

Everyone around me says I am stupid to want such a thing, that I should continue to make him pay. I want what is best emotionally for my son. Abby, what should I do? -- DESPERATE MOTHER IN N.C.

DEAR DESPERATE: Considering the lack of attachment the boy's father has for his child, I sympathize with what you would like to do. Consult a lawyer and discuss the advisability of terminating the legal arrangement you now have. That way, you will know if there are any financial pitfalls ahead.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the midst of planning my wedding and have been going over the guest list. I have a former brother-in-law I want to invite, but I've been told by several people that it's not proper to invite an "ex."

My former brother-in-law and I have always maintained a friendship, and I still feel close to him. He's like family. He and my sister ended their marriage on good terms, and they've stayed in contact because of their children.

Abby, what's the proper etiquette for inviting ex in-laws to a formal function? -- MINNEAPOLIS BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Since your former brother-in-law is on good terms with your sister and still "family" to you, there is no reason to exclude him from your wedding. By all means, follow your instincts and invite him. He deserves to be a part of your celebration.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old woman who has been acting like a catty teen-age girl. My daughter "Erica" has been best friends with "Alexa" since preschool. Both girls are now in high school. Alexa has blossomed into a beautiful girl, while my Erica is a rather plain Jane. Alexa always has a boyfriend. Erica has never had one. When Alexa is around, Erica is invisible to boys. They call her only to ask about Alexa.

Alexa's boyfriend wanted to make her jealous, so he broke up with her and began flirting with Erica. I knew what was going on, but I allowed it to happen. Just once, I thought, maybe a boy will notice Erica and see how special she is. Maybe this time she will get the boy.

Well, his plan failed. He couldn't get Alexa back, so he began spreading vicious rumors about her. (You know, the kind of rumors boys like to spread about girls.) Since we had been close for so long, people came to me to ask if the rumors were true. By not denying them, I implied that the rumors were true. I helped him to tarnish her reputation.

I guess I thought if Alexa looked bad, Erica would look better. He soon tired of his game and moved on, leaving Erica without a boyfriend and also without a best friend. Alexa eventually moved on to new friends.

I am so ashamed of what I did. I would do anything to fix it. What should I do? -- ASHAMED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR ASHAMED: There's an old saying, "The authenticity of a painting is like a lady's virtue. Once questioned, it is never quite the same again." Short of admitting what a terrible thing you did to an innocent young girl, there isn't much you can do to repair the damage you allowed to happen. By failing to help your daughter see that she is special in her own way, and that her chance for popularity will come when young men begin to appreciate qualities that are more than skin-deep, you let both girls down.

Alexa has gone on and made new friends who accept her for who she really is. I'm particularly sorry for Erica, who has lost her best friend. I advise you to schedule some sessions with your spiritual adviser for yourself, and a psychologist who can suggest some healthy ways to build your daughter's self-esteem.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. We have a happy marriage except for one problem -- he insists on having his friend over every weekend. When I ask him if we can please have a weekend to ourselves, or if he can ask his friend to leave early (midnight instead of 3 a.m.), we end up in a fight.

Abby, this has been going on for several years. I love my husband very much, but I'm fed up with this situation. Am I wrong for wanting to spend a weekend alone with my husband and children? -- NOT HAPPY SHARING HUBBY

DEAR NOT HAPPY: This has been going on for years? You have been incredibly tolerant. Your husband either feels sorry for his friend, or he's getting something from him that you and the children are unable to give him. Either way, you and your children are being left out in the cold.

Professional marriage counseling for you is a must. If your husband won't go, go alone. It will help you find the root of this unusual situation.

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