DEAR ABBY: After my divorce 12 years ago, my ex-husband left the state and had no contact with our son, "Lance," or me. We didn't even know where he had gone. Lance was 5 at the time and is now 17.

When Lance was 6, I married a great guy who is wonderful to both of us.

Several years ago, my ex got in touch with my sister and sent her a letter and a picture of him and his new family to give to our son. When my sister gave it to Lance, he told her he wanted nothing to do with his "old dad" (his words) and told her to let things be the way they have been.

My sister continues to harass Lance to write or call his father, and has out-and-out screamed at my son for choosing his stepfather over his birth father. She has even tried to set up secret meetings, but Lance knows better than to trust her and wants nothing to do with her. Time and again he has said he wants nothing to do with his biological father. I feel my son is old enough to make his own decisions.

Because of this, we attend no family events and have cut ourselves out of everyone's life. And we have never said anything to anyone about what my sister is doing.

Lance turns 18 this year and already has plans in motion to legally change his name to his stepfather's and to be adopted by him. He uses his stepfather's name now, except for legal documents. (Another thing that annoys my sister.)

How can we continue to deal with my sister until he turns 18, and what should we say if someone brings up the fact that we never come around? -- TRULY A FAMILY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TRULY: There is nothing you can do to stop your sister from meddling. She is convinced she knows what is best for her nephew and obviously has a long alliance with your ex-husband. Your son has done an admirable job of handling her on his own.

I'm mystified that you would protect your sister by telling no one about her trouble-making and cut yourself off from the rest of the family. It was a mistake you should correct. If someone brings up the fact that you have been absent, speak up and explain why. If you do, I'm sure you'll find you have allies.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw the letter in your column from Jack Anspach, who dreamed that the next president would have six letters in his first name and four letters in his last name. He bemoaned the fact that he had failed to place a bet.

Apparently, it escaped his attention -- and yours -- that the names of BOTH major-party candidates have six and four letters. I would have expected you or one of your staff to have caught such an obvious error before going to print.

By now, he's probably got your column matted and framed and proudly on display in his office. Imagine his surprise when he finally discovers that Al is short for Albert. -- JODY IN MEMPHIS

DEAR JODY: Jack got it! I got it! And I'm pleased that so many of my readers also got the JOKE. A little amusement in serious times can be a ray of sunshine on a dreary day, and I think we all needed a dose of humor around that time.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Dad has been a widower for five years. Shortly after my mother passed away, he began dating women (girls, really) about 45 years younger than he is. He has spent more than $20,000 on these girls -- who quit calling after they get his money.

His house has been robbed three times, and it's a constant hassle to cancel his credit cards, call the banks, etc., in the middle of the night after he discovers that someone has been in his house while he slept.

All precautions have been taken, locks changed, a motion-activated alarm installed in the hallway, but he's the one to blame.

He knew the latest girl who robbed him for only three weeks. He invited her into the house. She led him to believe she was going to stay the night with him, got undressed, and then told him she needed to tell the person who gave her a ride that she was staying. She pretended she couldn't find her shirt, and when my father got out of bed to help her look for it, she grabbed his wallet and ran out of the house -- topless. Her shirt was discovered later.

Abby, how can I stop Dad from making such stupid mistakes? I've tried explaining what these women really were interested in, but it happens over and over. Please help. -- WORRIED ABOUT DAD IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR WORRIED: You didn't mention how old your father is or what his mental capacity was before your mother's death, but it's possible that his ability to care for himself has diminished to the point where intervention is necessary.

Schedule an appointment with a doctor who specializes in geriatric medicine and discuss mental and neurological evaluations for your father. Since it appears that he has lost the ability to protect himself from being taken advantage of, also consider consulting an attorney with expertise in elder law about options for protecting your father.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister (age 18 1/2) was treated to a lavish wedding and reception courtesy of our parents. As a favor to my mother, her cousin -- a caterer -- catered the wedding for free.

While my father was on his way home to change my infant brother's diapers (during the wedding madness, no one brought any), my sister and her new husband packed up all the finger sandwiches and most of the remaining food at the reception and left to spend their honeymoon in their new apartment.

When my father returned to the reception, he was outraged to discover that the food was gone, and embarrassed by my sister's behavior in front of her guests who were trying to enjoy themselves without any food.

Dad drove to my sister's apartment and demanded the food and an apology.

My sister says it was "her" wedding and, therefore, "her" food. She won't forgive my father for disturbing her on her honeymoon. My father is sore at my sister for being so thoughtless, thankless, greedy and selfish as to take the food in the first place. Who is right? -- HUNGRY IN PHOENIX

DEAR HUNGRY: Your father. To pack up the food from the reception before the wedding guests had finished eating was a major breach of good manners. If the newlyweds felt they needed fortification for their honeymoon marathon, they could have phoned a restaurant and had something delivered. Your sister owes her father and her guests an apology.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in three months. A month ago, I verbally invited one of my co-workers, "Sandy," and asked her for her home address to send the invitation. Unfortunately, Sandy was "let go" last week under difficult circumstances. She was very upset.

I haven't spoken to Sandy since the day she left, but she's left me several voice-mail messages, which I have not returned.

I plan to send wedding invitations out soon to all of my co-workers, but under the circumstances, I don't know whether I should officially invite Sandy. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Since you asked for her address, and she knows why you asked, follow through and send the invitation. It's the right thing to do.

If your former co-worker is uncomfortable at the idea of seeing her old colleagues again, she'll decline your invitation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband just told my son and me that he has another son from a relationship he had when he was 17 -- before we met. The "new" son is in his early 40s.

My husband has informed me, after 35 years of marriage, that we are now "starting over" and must include this son in our lives. If I don't, we won't have a marriage.

My life is now consumed by my husband's guilt. All he talks about is this son he never wanted before. Why do my son and I feel we are being punished for his past? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You and your son feel your territory has been invaded. You are not yet able to lower your defenses, open your hearts, and realize this isn't a competition -- the son your husband fathered at 17 needs to know the parent he never knew, and vice versa.

After all these years, your husband is now ready to make himself emotionally available. To adjust to this new reality, you and your son may need spiritual or psychological counseling to help you deal with your anger. Don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced four years ago and just married a wonderful man six months ago. I have a son who is 16. He and my new husband have a great relationship. My son has never been close to his natural father.

The problem is, my husband has taken a job 3 1/2 hours from home so he has had to move. I have remained behind so my son can finish school.

I know my son would like to graduate with his friends in 2003, but I would like us to be together as a family again.

Would it be selfish of me to move at the end of this school year? I want what's best for my son, but I really miss my mate in life. -- ALONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR ALONE: It is not selfish to want to be with your husband. Although your son may resist, he will adjust and make new friends during his junior and senior years at his new high school.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)