DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in three months. A month ago, I verbally invited one of my co-workers, "Sandy," and asked her for her home address to send the invitation. Unfortunately, Sandy was "let go" last week under difficult circumstances. She was very upset.

I haven't spoken to Sandy since the day she left, but she's left me several voice-mail messages, which I have not returned.

I plan to send wedding invitations out soon to all of my co-workers, but under the circumstances, I don't know whether I should officially invite Sandy. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Since you asked for her address, and she knows why you asked, follow through and send the invitation. It's the right thing to do.

If your former co-worker is uncomfortable at the idea of seeing her old colleagues again, she'll decline your invitation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband just told my son and me that he has another son from a relationship he had when he was 17 -- before we met. The "new" son is in his early 40s.

My husband has informed me, after 35 years of marriage, that we are now "starting over" and must include this son in our lives. If I don't, we won't have a marriage.

My life is now consumed by my husband's guilt. All he talks about is this son he never wanted before. Why do my son and I feel we are being punished for his past? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You and your son feel your territory has been invaded. You are not yet able to lower your defenses, open your hearts, and realize this isn't a competition -- the son your husband fathered at 17 needs to know the parent he never knew, and vice versa.

After all these years, your husband is now ready to make himself emotionally available. To adjust to this new reality, you and your son may need spiritual or psychological counseling to help you deal with your anger. Don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced four years ago and just married a wonderful man six months ago. I have a son who is 16. He and my new husband have a great relationship. My son has never been close to his natural father.

The problem is, my husband has taken a job 3 1/2 hours from home so he has had to move. I have remained behind so my son can finish school.

I know my son would like to graduate with his friends in 2003, but I would like us to be together as a family again.

Would it be selfish of me to move at the end of this school year? I want what's best for my son, but I really miss my mate in life. -- ALONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR ALONE: It is not selfish to want to be with your husband. Although your son may resist, he will adjust and make new friends during his junior and senior years at his new high school.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am grief-stricken. Yesterday my husband and I faced the awful experience of putting our 3-year-old chocolate Labrador to sleep. For two or three days, he wouldn't eat or drink, and was lethargic and vomiting. We took him to the emergency vet hospital. The vet examined him and found "something" in his abdomen, which would require surgery to remove. What they found in his intestines was part of a kitchen towel.

Unfortunately, the tissue around the towel was infected and dead from the lack of blood supply to his intestines. The damage was worse than anticipated, and he began bleeding internally. He was too weak to make it, and we had to put him to sleep. To say that we're devastated is an understatement.

I always hang a kitchen towel on the handle of the oven on which to dry my hands, remove things from the oven, etc. The towel probably smelled like food, which prompted him to chew it. To top it off, when we came home from the surgery, our 1-year-old puppy threw up the other portion of the towel!

Abby, please make other pet owners aware of this potential hazard. If sharing my story can spare someone else the devastation of losing a pet to something so avoidable, I'll gain some comfort. -- KELLEE IN TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR KELLEE: Please accept my sympathy for the sad loss of your dog. I'm printing your letter as a warning to pet owners. While I thought what happened to your beloved pet was a freak accident, a staff member recalled that something similar had happened to a dog belonging to one of his relatives.

DEAR ABBY: The passenger side door of my friend "Rodney"'s truck does not close easily. A few weeks ago as I left the vehicle, I closed the door, but not completely. The locking mechanism prevented me from opening the door to reclose it, so I decided to push on it to force it closed.

I pushed the door with my posterior and heard a ringing, metallic popping sound. I leaned away from it and saw I had dented the door with my rear end!

Rodney had recently paid for two collisions with this truck, so I offered to pay for the damage I caused. I got estimates from two repair shops, and it will cost close to $1,000 to fix the door.

My girlfriend insists that it was not entirely my fault, and that I should tell Rodney to make a claim on his insurance for it.

Abby, what is your advice? -- WATCHING MY ASSETS

DEAR WATCHING: Rodney should not have to file a claim on his insurance, as that could increase the cost of his premium or possibly result in it being canceled. You damaged his vehicle, and you should pay to have it repaired. Fair is fair.

DEAR ABBY: Your column about displaying pictures of deceased spouses reminded me of the time our minister asked if anyone in the congregation thought that he or she was perfect. No one stood up, so he repeated the question. A man finally stood up. "Do you really think you are perfect?" the minister said. "No," the man replied, "I'm just standing up for my wife's first husband." -- VERNON BENSON, ST. LOUIS PARK, MINN.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the letter from "Disappointed Daughter," who complained that her parents found their grandchildren "bothersome."

It's sad when grandparents are more concerned about peace and quiet than in creating happy memories for their grandchildren to treasure all their lives.

My parents never enjoyed any of their grandchildren. They were interested only in making them toe the line. They provided one disposable cup a day per child -- "If you throw yours away, you go thirsty." If they failed to completely shut the sliding glass door, it was "Shut that damn door!" God forbid they giggled and acted like children, because that meant they were "hyper-brats."

Fortunately, my children were blessed with another set of grandparents. Although they are gone now, we have many warm memories of them to share.

My mother is still alive and now complains she doesn't know her grandchildren. She insinuates they are the ones responsible.

Being a grandmother is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. Recently, when playing "I Spy" with one of my granddaughters, I told her I spied something very precious to me. Her face lighted up immediately. She exclaimed "Me!" and she was right. -- GRANDMA SHARON, FORKS, WASH.

DEAR GRANDMA SHARON: What a heartwarming story. However, not all grandparents share your view. Read on for the reason why:

DEAR ABBY: I am 64, widowed and live alone. My daughter, son-in-law and three beautiful grandchildren left last week after a short visit. Somehow, I survived.

Within five minutes of their arrival, chaos reigned. The children, ages 2 to 6, were everywhere. Beds were torn apart, toys strewn all over the house. Snacks were ground into my new living room carpet, meals were a nightmare. Two out of three wouldn't eat what was served, but they still got dessert. Soap and wet towels were left in the tub, on the bathroom floor or on a bed. Dirty diapers were left on the sink. You get the picture.

My dear children were not raised without proper training. If only they would pass it on! -- BITING MY TONGUE IN HOT SPRINGS

DEAR BITING: Your point is well taken. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am the grandmother of three young boys and a girl. I was a single mother, worked hard, and spent many hours after my children went to bed, cleaning and ironing.

After 40 years, I feel I've earned a retirement I can enjoy. I'm sure "Disappointed's" parents feel the same way.

Some questions she should consider:

(1) How often do your children interrupt when adults are speaking?

(2) How much of the conversation revolves around the children?

(3) Do you set aside time for a one-on-one conversation with your mother? There are things some older women will not discuss in front of children.

(4) Do you allow your children to "run loose" in the house?

(5) Do your children have any "quiet" toys? The noise some toys make can be nerve-racking to older people.

(6) Finally, when you telephone your mother, how often are you distracted from the conversation to answer or yell at your kids?

Our children know only what we teach them. -- VIRGINIA GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: If parents of small children will give your letter the consideration it deserves, perhaps it would help to bridge the generation gap.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)