DEAR ABBY: I am grief-stricken. Yesterday my husband and I faced the awful experience of putting our 3-year-old chocolate Labrador to sleep. For two or three days, he wouldn't eat or drink, and was lethargic and vomiting. We took him to the emergency vet hospital. The vet examined him and found "something" in his abdomen, which would require surgery to remove. What they found in his intestines was part of a kitchen towel.

Unfortunately, the tissue around the towel was infected and dead from the lack of blood supply to his intestines. The damage was worse than anticipated, and he began bleeding internally. He was too weak to make it, and we had to put him to sleep. To say that we're devastated is an understatement.

I always hang a kitchen towel on the handle of the oven on which to dry my hands, remove things from the oven, etc. The towel probably smelled like food, which prompted him to chew it. To top it off, when we came home from the surgery, our 1-year-old puppy threw up the other portion of the towel!

Abby, please make other pet owners aware of this potential hazard. If sharing my story can spare someone else the devastation of losing a pet to something so avoidable, I'll gain some comfort. -- KELLEE IN TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR KELLEE: Please accept my sympathy for the sad loss of your dog. I'm printing your letter as a warning to pet owners. While I thought what happened to your beloved pet was a freak accident, a staff member recalled that something similar had happened to a dog belonging to one of his relatives.

DEAR ABBY: The passenger side door of my friend "Rodney"'s truck does not close easily. A few weeks ago as I left the vehicle, I closed the door, but not completely. The locking mechanism prevented me from opening the door to reclose it, so I decided to push on it to force it closed.

I pushed the door with my posterior and heard a ringing, metallic popping sound. I leaned away from it and saw I had dented the door with my rear end!

Rodney had recently paid for two collisions with this truck, so I offered to pay for the damage I caused. I got estimates from two repair shops, and it will cost close to $1,000 to fix the door.

My girlfriend insists that it was not entirely my fault, and that I should tell Rodney to make a claim on his insurance for it.

Abby, what is your advice? -- WATCHING MY ASSETS

DEAR WATCHING: Rodney should not have to file a claim on his insurance, as that could increase the cost of his premium or possibly result in it being canceled. You damaged his vehicle, and you should pay to have it repaired. Fair is fair.

DEAR ABBY: Your column about displaying pictures of deceased spouses reminded me of the time our minister asked if anyone in the congregation thought that he or she was perfect. No one stood up, so he repeated the question. A man finally stood up. "Do you really think you are perfect?" the minister said. "No," the man replied, "I'm just standing up for my wife's first husband." -- VERNON BENSON, ST. LOUIS PARK, MINN.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the letter from "Disappointed Daughter," who complained that her parents found their grandchildren "bothersome."

It's sad when grandparents are more concerned about peace and quiet than in creating happy memories for their grandchildren to treasure all their lives.

My parents never enjoyed any of their grandchildren. They were interested only in making them toe the line. They provided one disposable cup a day per child -- "If you throw yours away, you go thirsty." If they failed to completely shut the sliding glass door, it was "Shut that damn door!" God forbid they giggled and acted like children, because that meant they were "hyper-brats."

Fortunately, my children were blessed with another set of grandparents. Although they are gone now, we have many warm memories of them to share.

My mother is still alive and now complains she doesn't know her grandchildren. She insinuates they are the ones responsible.

Being a grandmother is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. Recently, when playing "I Spy" with one of my granddaughters, I told her I spied something very precious to me. Her face lighted up immediately. She exclaimed "Me!" and she was right. -- GRANDMA SHARON, FORKS, WASH.

DEAR GRANDMA SHARON: What a heartwarming story. However, not all grandparents share your view. Read on for the reason why:

DEAR ABBY: I am 64, widowed and live alone. My daughter, son-in-law and three beautiful grandchildren left last week after a short visit. Somehow, I survived.

Within five minutes of their arrival, chaos reigned. The children, ages 2 to 6, were everywhere. Beds were torn apart, toys strewn all over the house. Snacks were ground into my new living room carpet, meals were a nightmare. Two out of three wouldn't eat what was served, but they still got dessert. Soap and wet towels were left in the tub, on the bathroom floor or on a bed. Dirty diapers were left on the sink. You get the picture.

My dear children were not raised without proper training. If only they would pass it on! -- BITING MY TONGUE IN HOT SPRINGS

DEAR BITING: Your point is well taken. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am the grandmother of three young boys and a girl. I was a single mother, worked hard, and spent many hours after my children went to bed, cleaning and ironing.

After 40 years, I feel I've earned a retirement I can enjoy. I'm sure "Disappointed's" parents feel the same way.

Some questions she should consider:

(1) How often do your children interrupt when adults are speaking?

(2) How much of the conversation revolves around the children?

(3) Do you set aside time for a one-on-one conversation with your mother? There are things some older women will not discuss in front of children.

(4) Do you allow your children to "run loose" in the house?

(5) Do your children have any "quiet" toys? The noise some toys make can be nerve-racking to older people.

(6) Finally, when you telephone your mother, how often are you distracted from the conversation to answer or yell at your kids?

Our children know only what we teach them. -- VIRGINIA GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: If parents of small children will give your letter the consideration it deserves, perhaps it would help to bridge the generation gap.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter we adopted from another country. When we go out, we hear a variety of comments from strangers. Some of them -- while well-meaning -- are potentially hurtful to our little girl.

I am writing in the hope that sharing our point of view will help others to be more sensitive to adoptive families:

-- Please DON'T ask if I have children of my own. My daughter IS my own. If you must ask about other siblings, a better term is "biological children."

-- Please DON'T ask about my daughter's birth family and why they are not raising her. These are issues I wish to discuss with her privately, in my own time.

-- Please DON'T make disparaging remarks about my daughter's country of origin, regardless of how you feel about their customs or government policies. My daughter needs to hear positive things about her culture of origin. Many of the negative comments I have received have been untrue or one-sided.

-- Please DON'T ask how much my daughter "cost." While adoption fees are expensive, so are hospital bills for labor and delivery. The difference is, many people have either insurance or public assistance to help them pay hospital bills; adoptive families have little equivalent to help to pay adoption fees. I did not "buy" my child through adoption fees any more than a family who pays hospital bills for the birth of a biological child has bought theirs. If you are truly interested in adoption costs, your local adoption agency or an adoption Internet site can provide those answers.

-- Please DON'T tell me I got my daughter the "easy way." Adoption has its own unique challenges. Like any parent, adoptive parents consider their struggles worthwhile, given the end result. However, adoption, like childbirth, can be both wonderful and difficult.

-- Please DON'T ask me about my fertility status. I would rather not discuss it with a stranger.

And to the many kind, discreet and polite people I have met -- thank you for your positive comments and encouraging words. They warmed my heart. -- BLESSED THROUGH ADOPTION IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR BLESSED: Thank you for telling it like it is. Sometimes people engage their mouths before engaging their brains. Unfortunately, there is no end to the thoughtless, insensitive questions some people ask -- which brings to mind a letter that appeared in my column many years ago. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Our son is a dark-skinned child whom we adopted when he was an infant. My husband and I are both fair-skinned.

When our son was about 4, we attended a pool party at our townhouse complex. I got into a conversation with a woman who was very curious about him -- asking how old he was when we got him and where he was from. She looked confused when I answered "Milwaukee" -- as I'm sure she expected a more exotic location such as Africa or the Australian outback.

I almost lost my cool, however, when she asked me in all seriousness, "Are you going to tell him he is adopted?" -- MIDWEST MOM

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)