DEAR ABBY: My wife and I would like to thank you for printing our letter about our two daughters, and how we were inspired by Emily Perl Kingsley's poem "Welcome to Holland." Our daughters eventually lost their lives to epidermolysis bullosa, a rare genetic condition.

When I saw the letter in the newspaper, I suddenly realized that no mention had been made of the wonderful, dedicated people who are working so hard behind the scenes to find a cure or a preventative for this terrible condition.

Readers who would like more information about epidermolysis bullosa or who would like to become involved in this worthwhile cause should contact: The National EB Registry, c/o Madeline Weiner, RN, 1 Bolin Heights, Campus Box 3369, Chapel Hill, NC 27514-3369. (E.B. research is currently under way at the University of North Carolina.)

Also: DEBRA of America, 40 Rector St., Suite 1403, New York, NY 10006. (The Web site is www.debra.org.) This is the international headquarters, and contributions are welcome. -- BILL MAULTSBY, ORANGE, TEXAS

DEAR BILL: No one could have read your letter and not have been touched by it. My readers and I join you in the hope that the disease that took your daughters will soon be a thing of the past. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 77-year-old World War II veteran, and I regularly visit and entertain the disenfranchised children of our town.

I have never experienced a tragedy as great as Mr. and Mrs. Maultsby's, whose daughters suffered from a severe skin malady, but my heart cried out for them and then it quickly turned to cheers!

Their daughters would never have excelled in oratory or music without their parents' love, patience and direction. If this country had homes like theirs for all our children, we could tear down the jails and sing of life's accomplishments.

We must strive to have faith and hope in our lives, but love must be the dominant force. -- BILL WATERS, LEBANON, TENN.

DEAR BILL: That's true. And if we measure people by their abilities, rather than prejudging them because of their disabilities, we would have a far more inclusive and constructive society utilizing all of the unique talent that's available.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers is being married in the spring. She has announced that none of her co-workers will be invited to her wedding.

That's fine with me because I understand the expense involved with a large guest list. However, she is strongly hinting that I should do her a favor and host a bridal shower for her -- a co-workers' party.

I was under the impression that bridal attendants should host the showers. Am I wrong? -- FEELING GUILTY

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: No -- you are right. Also, no one should be asked to a bridal shower who isn't being invited to attend the wedding.

P.S. Don't feel guilty for ignoring the hints. You're doing her a favor by preventing her from being criticized.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and two sons had a family business. One son got married 13 years ago. Six years ago, the business split up. The business survived, thanks to my husband and older son.

Words were said at that time, and our younger son and his family have not visited us since. They live nearby, and I try to maintain contact. They have two children, 7 and 3. I was never asked to baby-sit even when the relationship was good, although I often did so for our other grandchildren. Our gifts of checks for Christmas and birthdays have never been cashed.

Our daughter was married three years ago, and our younger son and his wife never acknowledged the invitation, showed up or sent a gift.

Recently our daughter-in-law's mother passed on, and we sent flowers and cards, but to spare her feelings in an awkward situation, we did not attend the calling hours, for which we are being severely criticized. Should we have gone? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: No. Considering the circumstances, you did the right thing to stay away. People pay condolence calls to comfort the grieving family. Had you gone in spite of the rift, you would have risked causing turmoil at an already emotional time. In light of the situation, you did the considerate thing.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Anxious in Niagara Falls," in which the writer asked how to deal with a false rumor in her workplace, prompted my favorite memory about such rumors. Twenty-one years ago, I worked as secretary to a highly placed military officer. One day, "Col. Smith" came into my office and said he had something personal to tell me -- a rumor was circulating in the barracks that he and I were having an affair. The colonel went on to say that he wanted me to hear about the rumor from him so I wouldn't be upset by hearing it elsewhere.

He was (and, I assume, still is) happily married to a lovely woman. I was, and still am, happily married to the finest man I know, whom I love dearly. Of course, the rumor was completely untrue. The closest we came to an off-duty relationship was living two blocks apart in the same neighborhood on post. We socialized in separate circles except once, when the colonel held a promotion party at his home and invited my husband and me.

I asked him how Mrs. Smith had taken it. He replied that she understood completely and was fine. I told the colonel that if she were fine, so was I. We mutually agreed that all was well, and felt confident that the rumor would die in a short time, which it did.

As he turned to leave, I couldn't resist playing the devil's advocate by asking, "By the way, Colonel, did we have a good time?" My ability to joke about it set his mind at ease immediately.

Abby, your advice to "Anxious" was right on the money. The rumor will die a natural death when the gossips in the workplace see no evidence to keep it alive. Sign me ... NOTHING CHANGES, CHESTER, VA.

DEAR N.C.: I'm sure your sense of humor has carried you through on many occasions. I'm also sure the colonel was sorry when your professional relationship ended. You're the kind of employee an employer hates to lose.

NOT CONFIDENTIAL: In this Year of the Snake, I'm pleased to wish my Asian readers a happy and prosperous new year.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother committed suicide a year ago. Last year was difficult for our entire family. I was extremely angry with her for the first couple of months, especially since it was my 15-year-old son who found her. My son and I are both in counseling. He is healing faster than I am.

The problem I am facing now is with my father. I love my father and have tried to help him through this awful ordeal. However, he has never been emotionally available to me or my siblings. The truth is, my mother and father had a terrible relationship throughout their 35-year marriage. My father was especially hurtful toward my mother.

Four months after Mother died, my father asked a woman to move into the house. She has taken down all the family pictures and replaced them with her own. It's as if my mother never existed.

Father is now talking about marrying her. It's breaking my heart to see him act like nothing has happened. He hasn't even found the time to put a stone on Mother's grave. The last straw was when Father bought a motorcycle. He's never ridden or owned one before. He bought it because this new woman in his life likes to ride.

Abby, I feel like I've lost my mother AND father. At first he kept telling us, "We've got to stick together," but he's never around, and his grandchildren are heartbroken.

I haven't visited my father since she moved in. Tell me, Abby, what should I do? -- FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN

DEAR FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN: Investigate the price range of several lovely markers for your mother's grave. Meet with your father and ask him which one he will pay for, then arrange for the installation. It will give you and your son some closure.

Next, ask for the family pictures that were removed. It's important that they remain with you and your son. Perhaps, in time, you, your father and his girlfriend will enjoy a more positive relationship. Continue your counseling until you are better able to come to terms with your mother's death and your father's behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I am taking this opportunity to extend to you and your devoted readership sincere appreciation for the support you have given U.S. military service members deployed worldwide. The outpouring of support has been absolutely overwhelming.

Operation Dear Abby continues to be a very real success. I have personally witnessed the positive effects it has had on the troops supporting the various peacekeeping missions throughout the former republic of Yugoslavia. Operation Dear Abby campaigns really do lift the spirits of military men and women far from home.

Many thanks for your gracious and continued support. You truly are a great American. -- ALLEN B. PEGG, DIRECTOR OF POSTAL OPERATIONS, U.S. ARMY, HEIDELBERG, GERMANY

DEAR ALLEN: Thank you for the kind words. I'm sure my readers will be pleased to know their efforts on behalf of our servicemen and women have been successful.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about protecting oneself from colds by frequent hand-washing hit home. Sixty-six years ago, we had the first personal hygiene course given in high school. The teacher's advice: "Never touch any door handle with your bare hands, especially bathroom doors."

My sons and grandsons laugh every time I open a door in a public place with a tissue, a glove or my jacket. I keep reminding them about the person who sneezes with his hand cupped over his nose. -- DR. BOB IN BEACHWOOD, OHIO

DEAR DR. BOB: I'm not laughing. I'm reminded of Howard Hughes. Maybe he wasn't so eccentric after all.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)