DEAR ABBY: My mother committed suicide a year ago. Last year was difficult for our entire family. I was extremely angry with her for the first couple of months, especially since it was my 15-year-old son who found her. My son and I are both in counseling. He is healing faster than I am.

The problem I am facing now is with my father. I love my father and have tried to help him through this awful ordeal. However, he has never been emotionally available to me or my siblings. The truth is, my mother and father had a terrible relationship throughout their 35-year marriage. My father was especially hurtful toward my mother.

Four months after Mother died, my father asked a woman to move into the house. She has taken down all the family pictures and replaced them with her own. It's as if my mother never existed.

Father is now talking about marrying her. It's breaking my heart to see him act like nothing has happened. He hasn't even found the time to put a stone on Mother's grave. The last straw was when Father bought a motorcycle. He's never ridden or owned one before. He bought it because this new woman in his life likes to ride.

Abby, I feel like I've lost my mother AND father. At first he kept telling us, "We've got to stick together," but he's never around, and his grandchildren are heartbroken.

I haven't visited my father since she moved in. Tell me, Abby, what should I do? -- FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN

DEAR FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN: Investigate the price range of several lovely markers for your mother's grave. Meet with your father and ask him which one he will pay for, then arrange for the installation. It will give you and your son some closure.

Next, ask for the family pictures that were removed. It's important that they remain with you and your son. Perhaps, in time, you, your father and his girlfriend will enjoy a more positive relationship. Continue your counseling until you are better able to come to terms with your mother's death and your father's behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I am taking this opportunity to extend to you and your devoted readership sincere appreciation for the support you have given U.S. military service members deployed worldwide. The outpouring of support has been absolutely overwhelming.

Operation Dear Abby continues to be a very real success. I have personally witnessed the positive effects it has had on the troops supporting the various peacekeeping missions throughout the former republic of Yugoslavia. Operation Dear Abby campaigns really do lift the spirits of military men and women far from home.

Many thanks for your gracious and continued support. You truly are a great American. -- ALLEN B. PEGG, DIRECTOR OF POSTAL OPERATIONS, U.S. ARMY, HEIDELBERG, GERMANY

DEAR ALLEN: Thank you for the kind words. I'm sure my readers will be pleased to know their efforts on behalf of our servicemen and women have been successful.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about protecting oneself from colds by frequent hand-washing hit home. Sixty-six years ago, we had the first personal hygiene course given in high school. The teacher's advice: "Never touch any door handle with your bare hands, especially bathroom doors."

My sons and grandsons laugh every time I open a door in a public place with a tissue, a glove or my jacket. I keep reminding them about the person who sneezes with his hand cupped over his nose. -- DR. BOB IN BEACHWOOD, OHIO

DEAR DR. BOB: I'm not laughing. I'm reminded of Howard Hughes. Maybe he wasn't so eccentric after all.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother committed suicide a year ago. Last year was difficult for our entire family. I was extremely angry with her for the first couple of months, especially since it was my 15-year-old son who found her. My son and I are both in counseling. He is healing faster than I am.

The problem I am facing now is with my father. I love my father and have tried to help him through this awful ordeal. However, he has never been emotionally available to me or my siblings. The truth is, my mother and father had a terrible relationship throughout their 35-year marriage. My father was especially hurtful toward my mother.

Four months after Mother died, my father asked a woman to move into the house. She has taken down all the family pictures and replaced them with her own. It's as if my mother never existed.

Father is now talking about marrying her. It's breaking my heart to see him act like nothing has happened. He hasn't even found the time to put a stone on Mother's grave. The last straw was when Father bought a motorcycle. He's never ridden or owned one before. He bought it because this new woman in his life likes to ride.

Abby, I feel like I've lost my mother AND father. At first he kept telling us, "We've got to stick together," but he's never around, and his grandchildren are heartbroken.

I haven't visited my father since she moved in. Tell me, Abby, what should I do? -- FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN

DEAR FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN: Investigate the price range of several lovely markers for your mother's grave. Meet with your father and ask him which one he will pay for, then arrange for the installation. It will give you and your son some closure.

Next, ask for the family pictures that were removed. It's important that they remain with you and your son. Perhaps, in time, you, your father and his girlfriend will enjoy a more positive relationship. Continue your counseling until you are better able to come to terms with your mother's death and your father's behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I am taking this opportunity to extend to you and your devoted readership sincere appreciation for the support you have given U.S. military service members deployed worldwide. The outpouring of support has been absolutely overwhelming.

Operation Dear Abby continues to be a very real success. I have personally witnessed the positive effects it has had on the troops supporting the various peacekeeping missions throughout the former republic of Yugoslavia. Operation Dear Abby campaigns really do lift the spirits of military men and women far from home.

Many thanks for your gracious and continued support. You truly are a great American. -- ALLEN B. PEGG, DIRECTOR OF POSTAL OPERATIONS, U.S. ARMY, HEIDELBERG, GERMANY

DEAR ALLEN: Thank you for the kind words. I'm sure my readers will be pleased to know their efforts on behalf of our servicemen and women have been successful.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about protecting oneself from colds by frequent hand-washing hit home. Sixty-six years ago, we had the first personal hygiene course given in high school. The teacher's advice: "Never touch any door handle with your bare hands, especially bathroom doors."

My sons and grandsons laugh every time I open a door in a public place with a tissue, a glove or my jacket. I keep reminding them about the person who sneezes with his hand cupped over his nose. -- DR. BOB IN BEACHWOOD, OHIO

DEAR DR. BOB: I'm not laughing. I'm reminded of Howard Hughes. Maybe he wasn't so eccentric after all.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and a professional. Last summer, I placed my firstborn child in an adoptive home, something I thought long and hard about before doing.

In the last two jobs I've had, my female co-workers judged me harshly for this choice. Every day I had to endure comments about my decision, to the point I dreaded going to work. I quit one of these jobs, in part due to the stress it caused me. Now I'm in a new job, and I vowed I'd lie about my decision.

Unfortunately, lying has gotten me nowhere. Now my co-workers think I have custody of my child and wonder why I don't bring pictures or talk about her. I don't talk about her or bring pictures because I fear it will open up more questions, and I'll get caught in another lie.

I haven't forgiven myself for abandoning my daughter. I couldn't meet her financial, emotional, physical or mental needs -- and yet I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.

I am fortunate that this was an open adoption. I get e-mails, letters, pictures, cards and gifts from the adoptive parents on a regular basis, and we have a great relationship. As much as I want to be able to be honest with my friends at work, my fear has kept me from saying anything and has caused me even more stress.

Please advise me, Abby. I really need some feedback. -- TORMENTED IN TEXAS

DEAR TORMENTED: Please stop punishing yourself. Since you have already divulged that you have a daughter, a short explanation -- that you placed her where she could receive what you were unable to give her -- is in order. If the questions and comments do not stop, you may have to change jobs again.

If that's the case, don't sabotage your work environment. When you mention to your co-workers that you have a daughter, you invite questions. When you are asked if you have children, you wouldn't be lying to say no. (Her adoptive parents "have" her; you don't.)

Since you were unable to meet your daughter's needs, placing her with a family who is able to do so was an act of love. I commend you for loving her enough to allow others to give her what you could not.

Counseling will help you come to grips with your decision. Your physician can give you a referral. Please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a physician, I want you to know that the issues you raised in your recent (Dec. 14) column about the subject of babies, touching and germs are controversial.

Of course we should wash our hands, avoid sneezing in people's faces, and generally act as responsible social individuals. But remember, if you don't get your cold from Sally Sneezy, you'll probably get it from Peter Presymptomatic.

And if we overuse antibacterial products, we run the risk of generating resistance germs to replace the benign, helpful variety, in a fashion similar to overuse of antibiotics. (Fortunately, the public is finally beginning to accept the principles of responsible antibiotic usage.)

Finally, there is evidence that excessive protection of our kids from germs and other allergens may increase their risk of allergic problems and asthma. It may turn out that folks should, in fact, encourage family, friends and admiring strangers to touch their kids. -- GUY ANTHONY ROWLEY, M.D., M.P.H., CHICAGO

DEAR DR. ROWLEY: Perhaps. Since as you say, the topic is controversial, parents who are in doubt about it should consult with their pediatrician about the safest way to proceed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)