DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and happily married with one child. A longtime family friend has a huge crush on me. "Mr. Jones" is in his late 40s and is always buying me gifts -- items of jewelry, etc. He keeps trying to persuade me to go to bed with him. He has even asked me to leave my husband, saying he would treat me better.

Abby, I'm scared to tell my husband. He is protective of me, and I'm afraid he'll kill Mr. Jones. I also am reluctant to ruin a longtime family friendship, but I'm tired of being scared to be around him alone -- afraid he'll do something to me.

What should I do? Should I tell my husband? Should I confront Mr. Jones? Help! -- ON THE SPOT, SIDNEY, OHIO

DEAR ON: Stop being passive and tell Mr. Jones in no uncertain terms that you're happy with the husband you've got, have no desire to "trade up," and his attentions are insulting. Return the jewelry and inform him that if he propositions you again, you will inform your husband and the rest of your family. Curtail the amount of time this intimidating "friend" can spend alone with you, and if it happens again, keep your word.

DEAR ABBY: Although I'm a longtime reader, I've never felt compelled to write until I read the letter from "Bowled Over in California." It's the one from the prisoner who communicated with another prisoner by talking through the toilet bowl.

The letter disgusted me. I am a female deputy in a county jail in California (probably the same one in which the writer is incarcerated). We call that method of communication "toilet talking," and it goes on daily in our jail. If we catch inmates communicating that way, we give them a "major write-up," because it's a violation of the rules.

Yes, many an unsuspecting woman (or man) has "fallen in love" in this manner, but I'll bet you won't find a single couple who have met this way, married, and are still together. It is a scam used to get the new, weak and uninformed inmate to send mail or money. The overwhelming majority of these toilet talkers are already married or tied up with someone else. Oh, the lies and schemes we've heard.

If "Bowled" has a brain in her head, she will run away from this so-called relationship as fast as she can. Think about it: Would you want to strike up a relationship with a person who may be locked up for many months or years (or a lifetime)? Or would you rather marry a fine, upstanding citizen who will be by your side, especially in times of need?

Most of these guys are ex-cons or have been through the system many times. They know how to manipulate. When they get out of prison, poor "Bowled Over" gets used and abused and taken to the cleaners before she's dropped like a hot potato and finds herself alone, pregnant and hooked on drugs, with no place to go and no one to turn to.

Please forgive the length of this letter; I could go on and on. If even ONE new, unsuspecting inmate turns her life around because of my letter, then it has been worth my time and effort. -- DISGUSTED DEPUTY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Thank you for the warning. I hope that those who need it will heed it. A real prince would communicate FROM his throne, not THROUGH it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Supports the Value of Education." I started college right after high school, but gave it up to marry and have children. In my neighborhood in the 1960s, few women went to college at all.

After raising my family, I went back to college and graduated when I was 40. I now have a wonderful career, more satisfying than I ever dreamed. Completing my education was one of the greatest personal accomplishments of my life.

Both my boss and her boss do not have degrees. They are two of the smartest people I know and have a great deal of common sense in business. Nonetheless, my education has made me feel more confident and complete. It did not make me any better than anyone else. We are a team at work and complement each other.

Not all knowledge comes from books, and a degree is a degree -- not a license for a pompous attitude. -- BILLIE IN CINCINNATI

DEAR BILLIE: I am all for education, and no one has ever written to me to say he or she was sorry to have earned a college degree.

Success can be measured in many ways. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Regarding that letter on the value of education, "Supports" missed one extremely important fact. A degree, in and of itself, is not a "guarantee" a person will succeed.

Education is learning. In order to get ahead in this world, what has been learned must be put to productive use. This is true whether you're applying the study and persistence skills you used to make it through college, or whether you're applying that which you have learned.

"Supports" obtained a college degree, but apparently chooses to rely upon having the degree, as opposed to relying upon being able to apply the education. -- DENNIS B., VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR DENNIS: You're not the only person who had the same reaction to the writer's attitude, which came across as intellectual snobbery. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Supports the Value of Education" wrote that "Several ... upper-level managers ... frequently comment that education is 'overrated.'"

That caused me to recall the words of Rabbi Benzion C. Kaganoff: "Education which is simply intellectual taxidermy -- the scooping out of the mind and the stuffing in of facts -- that kind of education is worthless. The human mind is not a deep-freeze for storage; the human mind is a forge for production." -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, PH.D., MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: This is the first I've heard of the learned Rabbi Kaganoff -- but I think he was on to something.

DEAR ABBY: I am legally separated and have been living with my girlfriend since last February. I want to ask her to marry me. Is it OK to be engaged before my divorce is final? -- IN LOVE AGAIN

DEAR IN LOVE: No. I urge you to wait until the divorce is final to pop the question. Doing so before you are free would make you and your girlfriend the hottest gossip topic in town. Bide your time until you are single.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, who is in elementary school, has been nominated to receive a prestigious award. Because of this, she has been featured in the newspaper and is a celebrity of sorts in her town. My daughter wants us to attend the awards ceremony. She mentioned more than six months ago that my granddaughter is up for this award and stands a great chance of winning it.

Unfortunately, a physician with whom I am friendly invited me to his son's wedding on that same date. I told the doctor that I may be attending an award ceremony for my granddaughter on the same day. Here is my dilemma: I credit this doctor with saving my life. I had cancer. He referred me to a specialist who discovered it. Since then, I have become social friends with this man. I do not know his son, but many people from my social circle will be attending this out-of-state wedding, and I want to go.

My daughter is very upset. She can't believe I would choose to attend a "stranger's" wedding over my grandchild's ceremony, which may very well be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

This doctor saved my life and I feel like I owe my life to him. My husband agrees with me, and so do my friends. But my conscience is bothering me, and my daughter is so hurt. She is a sensitive girl, loyal to her family and dependable. I don't want to damage our relationship. What do you advise? I have nine weeks to decide. -- TORN BETWEEN FAMILY AND FRIENDS

DEAR TORN: When the doctor made the referral, he was doing his job. He "saved your life" so you could attend important family events -- like your granddaughter's award ceremony. In this instance, your family should take precedence. Send the bride and groom a lovely gift, along with your regrets. If the doctor is indeed a friend, he will understand why you couldn't be there.

Since the award for which your granddaughter is eligible is "prestigious," being a candidate is an honor in itself. That you sacrificed to see her honored may be more meaningful to her and her parents than whether she actually wins. Listen to your conscience. It's trying to give you an important message.

DEAR READERS: Today we pay tribute to the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a great American and martyr of the civil rights movement, who was shot to death in 1968 at the age of 39.

Dr. King rose to prominence because of his persistence in the face of violent opposition, and his eloquent pleas for social justice. His principles for nonviolence were based on the teachings of Christianity.

In 1964, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. His words of wisdom are as true today as when they were uttered during his acceptance speech:

"Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

God bless America. May we as Americans learn from his example.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)