DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away unexpectedly last year, following a cerebral hemorrhage and weeklong coma.

My wife and I have a 10-year-old daughter and a son who is 5. At my wife's request, our children did not attend the funeral or unveiling (we are Jewish). She thought it would be inappropriate to subject them to events they would not understand.

I agree somewhat, but only in regard to my little boy, since he's only 5 and doesn't understand much about death. My daughter, on the other hand, has a clear understanding. She cried terribly last year upon hearing her grandmother had died, and she has seen how my mother's death affected me.

My kids have never visited the grave, also at my wife's insistence. I want to take my daughter there, but my wife fears she would have nightmares afterward and that the experience could be harmful. My daughter has asked me many times to take her. She says she doesn't understand why we left her out of the funeral, etc. Now I don't know what I should do.

I wanted to include her in everything -– the funeral, unveiling and graveside ceremony. I still want her to see the beautiful memorial stone put up in honor of my mother's memory. Abby, who is right on this subject, me or my wife? –-SAD AND CONFUSED

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: You are. When a child is old enough to understand and ASKS to be included, that child should be.

Your daughter has been denied the closure she desperately needs. Take her to your mother's grave, and if she needs to, let her cry. Tears are healing.

DEAR ABBY: You gave good advice to "Young, but Not Foolish." She's the 17-year-old girl in love with a man of 25, whose mother married a man nine years older, but didn't want her daughter to do the same. You told her to listen to her mother. The 17-year-old may be totally "in love" with the 25-year-old man, but she should give some thought to the age difference.

When I was 15, I started dating a man 23. We dated for four years and were married six months ago. I am now 19. My husband is 27. I love him very much, but sometimes I feel I missed out on my carefree years by being with an older guy.

My husband is already talking about starting a family before he gets much older. I feel I'm too young to be a parent. I want to go out during the week and have some fun, but he works hard and comes home from work dead tired every night.

These are only a couple of things this young woman should be taking into consideration. –- OLD AT 19

DEAR OLD AT 19: You haven't asked for my advice, but please allow me to offer some. It appears you have gone from your parents' house to your husband's. Before embarking on the adventure of parenthood, stop and ponder for a moment that it is a lifetime responsibility. You should not become a parent until you are sure you're ready -– and by that I mean you are able to support a child should something happen to your husband. Please give what I have said careful thought.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were born and raised in the Midwest and now live in Florida. Our families are still up north and frequently vacation in our home. We're happy to see them and encourage them to visit –- with one exception.

Like many "snowbirds," my father-in-law comes every winter to spend in excess of two months. However, instead of his own home, he resides at our house. Dad is a very nice and generous man and my wife looks forward to his visit. Nonetheless, the amount of time he spends here is getting to be too much, even for her. Our home has become his "Florida home" where he entertains, gives tours of the premises and includes us (with and without prior notice) for luncheons, dinners, etc., with people his own age whom we have never met.

I work from home, so I never get a break. Even after numerous requests, instead of allowing the machine to answer when I'm out, Dad picks up the phone and proceeds to discuss his vacation plans with my clients. As I stated before, he's not a bad person, but frankly, I'm no longer able to enjoy his visits. I dread Dad's visits as the time draws near, and I'm miserable the entire time –- counting down to the day he leaves. I wish I didn't feel this way, but enough is enough.

My wife would never admit to her father that his visits are an inconvenience, but perhaps if he reads this in your column, he -– and many others -– will realize that a vacation spent in someone else's home should be two weeks at the longest. Staying long enough to have your mail forwarded is an imposition. -– HAD ENOUGH IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I'm printing your letter, but hoping that your father-in-law sees it and recognizes himself will not be enough. The solution to your problem lies in you and your wife behaving like adults, stiffening your backbones and discussing this issue openly with him. If Dad plans to remain longer than two weeks, he really should consider renting a nearby apartment so he can entertain to his heart's content, conduct tours of his own place -– and you can have peace of mind, privacy and sanctuary in your home, plus a businesslike environment in your office.

DEAR ABBY: I broke my hand playing high school football early in the season and had to get a cast. The doctor said I couldn't play football again until the cast was off or I'd run the risk of it never healing properly.

The cast was removed before the season was over, but I had already decided not to play again, even though the doctor said I could play. Now my coach and friends are angry at me. Do you think I was right to quit? –- BROKEN IN KANSAS

DEAR BROKEN: You made the right decision. Football is an aggressive and violent sport. It's normal not to want to subject yourself to another injury.

See how you feel about playing next fall. Do not allow yourself to be talked into anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Are America's drivers totally out of control, or am I getting crochety at age 56? Their behavior behind the wheel is deadly at the worst, and scary to say the least.

Seat belts and air bags do not guarantee survival in a crash. Didn't these drivers once know all the road rules so they could pass the driver's test?

Almost daily, I see drivers ignoring emergency vehicles, running red lights, jumping green lights, following too close, changing lanes into a space not long enough to parallel park, exceeding speed limits by at least 15 mph, blocking intersections, changing lanes and entering highways without looking or signaling, and crossing solid yellow and white lines.

The driver who zips through one to five lanes to a freeway exit usually lives in that same county, and should know to get in the proper lane long before the exit. The driver behind me is dangerously close if I cannot see the car's headlights (regular-sized car) or the bumper (SUV/truck) in my rearview mirror.

Driving is a privilege -- not a right. -- DIANE LAZARUS, CINCINNATI

DEAR DIANE: Right you are. The dangers you have listed result from irresponsibility, a sense of entitlement and just plain rudeness. Add to that people driving drunk, and you have a surefire recipe for disaster. That's why it's important to urge loved ones to drive courteously -- and defensively.

DEAR ABBY: My name is Lindsay, and I recently turned 14. I wanted to go to the mall with this guy who is 16, but my mom said not until I am 16. She said I can go out with groups when I am 14 and 15 -- but I can't go out with guys even if I'm not really dating them.

I feel she doesn't trust me because I really like to hang out with my guy friend, but she obviously has a problem with it. I think it might be because my older sister had a baby at 17. When I asked her, she said that wasn't it.

I need to know how to get my mother to let me go out so I can have some fun in my life and not feel I'm being imprisoned. Please help. -- PRISONER AT 14

DEAR 14: Trust is built on confidence, and it takes time to build confidence. Your mother may seem overly protective to you, but she's only doing what many parents do these days. She wants you to have the protection of being in a group.

One way to increase your mother's level of confidence in you is by volunteering information about what you are doing and confiding in her. And when you are asked to do something, instead of complaining about it -- do it. Don't make excuses. Perform like a mature adult and try to see things from her perspective, and you'll earn your mother's respect. She's a wise and caring parent, and she deserves it.

DEAR ABBY: I should have taken your advice. About 40 or 45 years ago, I asked you about my wife having "hang-ups" with intimacy. You advised me to go to a psychiatrist, but at the time I couldn't afford it. I should have taken your advice, Abby. It would have been worth it.

Six years ago we finally did go to a psychologist, and in time, our problem was resolved and life began at 70. -- GRATEFUL IN LAKE WALES, FLA.

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased that my advice was helpful. Better late than never.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)