DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are senior citizens living on a fixed income. It has become harder and harder to purchase gifts or give money (which we have done in the past) to all our beloved family members. Recently a grandson called to inform us they are expecting their first child. Instead of being happy for them, we were filled with dread, because now there will be another gift to buy!

During the year, I try to save for Christmas gifts; it's never enough. I've told my husband that we are going to have to be honest with the family. He is too embarrassed to break the news to them that we cannot give like we have in the past.

Abby, how have other senior citizens solved this problem? I lie awake nights worrying. Believe me, that's no way to live! The holidays should be a happy time, but I don't look forward to them anymore. -- WORRIED IN WELLSVILLE, OHIO

DEAR WORRIED: Yours is a problem I am asked about almost every year. One solution is to be up-front about it. One day this week, write a note to the friends and family members on your Christmas list, saying, "We are thankful for folks with whom we can be honest. We're not in a position to send Christmas gifts this year (nor do we expect any) -- but please accept our love and sincere good wishes for a happy, healthy, blessed holiday."

If this seems too drastic a measure, another solution is to give one gift that can be enjoyed by the whole family, such as a game, movie coupons, or popcorn in assorted flavors.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl with a problem. A week ago, a half-sister I had never met, and whom my dad hadn't seen in 16 years, suddenly showed up at our home. I was happy at first, but later my sister and I realized that our father paid more attention to her in one hour than he had to us in all the time since we were born.

My sister and I have tried to be a part of his life, but he has never wanted to spend time with us. He tells us we are both being selfish. If what he says is true, do we have the right to be upset? Please help. -- CONFUSED TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Since your father hadn't seen your half-sister in 16 years, his reaction to her was understandable. Before you allow your resentment to get the better of you, allow yourself to get to know the girl. It's possible his reaction had something to do with guilt rather than preference. Take it slowly, and you might find you and your half-sister have a lot in common.

P.S. Although you say your father has been emotionally unavailable to you, he has been physically AND emotionally unavailable to her all these years. Count your blessings.

DEAR ABBY: Here's one for the "I don't believe it!" list:

We recently attended a 50th anniversary reception for some old friends. The party obviously exceeded their children's budget because, as we left, there was a gold basket and a sign at the door that read: "Please help us have a happy Thanksgiving by defraying the cost of this entertainment for you this afternoon." Can anyone top this? -- MYSTIFIED IN FORT WORTH

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Probably. But it's not going to be easy.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been stuck at home on worker's comp for a year, but will be returning to my job in a few days. Unfortunately, a rumor has gone around at work that my fiance (who is also employed there) is having an affair with one of our co-workers.

This woman visits our home regularly and has been a friend to both of us. The rumor stems from the fact that people at work see my fiance and her joking and playing around, and assume they have something going on -- especially since I'm not there.

Abby, I know that nothing is going on between them. My fiance is devoted to me, and we have a perfect, loving relationship.

My question: What, if anything, should I do about this rumor? When I'm back on the scene, I'm afraid it's going to make our working environment uncomfortable for all three of us. I want these people to know that the rumor is not true, and they should mind their own business. -- ANXIOUS IN NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y.

DEAR ANXIOUS: Do nothing about the rumor. To bring it up will only fuel the gossip. If someone mentions it, say you've already heard about it and then change the subject. When you're back on the scene, interacting normally with both your fiance and your co-worker, the rumor should die a natural death.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Hopeful in Kentucky," the man whose wife is a gambler, was right on the money. Pathological gambling was first identified as a mental disorder in 1980. According to the American Psychiatric Association, pathological gambling can be identified if a person exhibits at least five of the following 10 symptoms:

(1) Is preoccupied with gambling.

(2) Tries unsuccessfully to control, cut back or stop.

(3) Gambles with increasing amounts of money.

(4) Becomes restless or irritable when attempting to cut back or stop.

(5) Gambles as a way of escaping problems or relieving feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.

(6) After losing money gambling, often returns to get even.

(7) Lies to family members, therapists or others to conceal the extent of gambling.

(8) Commits illegal acts such as forgery, fraud, theft or embezzlement to finance gambling.

(9) Jeopardizes or loses a significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of gambling.

(10) Relies on others to provide money to relieve a desperate financial situation caused by gambling. -- ERIC GEFFNER, PH.D., CERTIFIED COMPULSIVE GAMBLER COUNSELOR, BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR DR. GEFFNER: After that letter appeared, several readers wrote to point out that people with gambling problems should contact Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017, or call (213) 386-8789. The Web site is: www.gamblersanonymous.org.

Also, the National Council on Compulsive Gambling, a nonprofit organization, refers gamblers to qualified mental health professionals who have been trained to work with gamblers and their families. The hotline number is: 1-800-522-4700.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We were invited to spend Thanksgiving with our son and daughter-in-law -- a three-day drive for us, but we were eager to spend time with family and see our grandchildren.

We make it a point to keep our visits short. They are busy young people with lots to do. We take them all out to dinner at least once during our visit, and offer to help wherever needed.

However, our daughter-in-law remained cool and distant. It made us feel we weren't a part of their family. She kept herself occupied reading books or sewing, or she would go into their bedroom and close the door and we wouldn't see her again until morning. Her behavior made us feel we were unwelcome and in the way.

Abby, we could use some pointers on what to do -- and what not to do -- while visiting our married children. Please help. -- PUZZLED MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR PUZZLED: You appear to be gracious people. I'm not sure the problem is yours, and giving you any pointers seems beside the point. If she usually behaves that way during your visits, your daughter-in-law may have insecurity or self-esteem issues that make it difficult for her to entertain houseguests, or she could simply be a "loner." Whatever her reasons, you're overdue for a private talk with your son to help you understand what's really going on.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next summer. We have asked my niece and nephew, who will both be teen-agers, to be in the wedding. They were delighted.

The problem is that they live out of town with their mother, "Rosie." Their father (my brother) lives in the same city.

In the past when my parents wanted to see the children, transportation would have to be provided to get them here. Rosie didn't want the children to fly, so Mom and Dad had to drive both ways. My brother helped with transportation when he could, but it was mostly up to my parents to provide it.

My fiance doesn't want Rosie at the wedding. I have no strong feelings one way or the other. What would be the right thing to do? -- CONFUSED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE: You should not be obligated to invite Rosie, particularly in light of the fact that your fiance would prefer she not attend. If your brother is attending the wedding, he should provide transportation for his children.

DEAR ABBY: May I respond to "Happy Grandmother, Dallas," the grandma of an adopted baby girl, who paid tribute to the courageous sacrifice made by the child's birth mother?

I cried when I read her letter. Her kind, loving words touched me and helped to heal a part of me that has been empty and aching. You see, I recently celebrated the 10th birthday of my son, whom I placed for adoption.

Abby, there are many women like me -- women who are grieving quietly -- wondering every day if what we did was the right thing. Just one small "thank you," even if it was not meant specifically for me, makes me smile and puts a new spring in my step. That's exactly what "Grandma's" letter did for me, and I want to express my thanks. -- SMILING IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR SMILING: I'm pleased that you found that letter comforting. You -- and all birth mothers who have given up their children -- deserve a star in your crown for having made the most unselfish (and painful) decision a parent can make.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)