DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have just returned from a week-long vacation at an ocean resort. Another couple, "Al and Gloria," went with us. We booked separate rooms, and for the most part enjoyed each other's company. However, I observed one thing that disturbed me.

As I sat on the balcony one night waiting for my wife to dress for dinner, I saw Gloria walking on the beach. I watched as she picked up a child's boogie board that was lying at the edge of the surf.

When we were loading the trunk of the rental car to go home, she attempted to conceal the boogie board with their luggage.

My wife and I were astonished at Gloria's behavior. We didn't know whether or not we should confront her. On the trip home, I made some jokes about surfing, but I don't think she got the hint.

Abby, should we keep quiet and preserve our friendship, or ask her why she stole a child's toy? -- PERPLEXED IN NEW CASTLE, DEL.

DEAR PERPLEXED: Much depends upon how close your friendship is with "Al and Gloria." If you feel the friendship is worth preserving, ask Gloria why she concealed the boogie board instead of turning it in to lost-and-found at the hotel. It's possible she thought the board had been abandoned.

If you're not close and do not wish to risk a confrontation, perhaps the time has come to distance yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Sherri in Cincinnati," who wrote that as a lonely teen-ager she was welcomed into her best friend's family. I agree with your answer, Abby -- sometimes it does "take a village" to raise a child.

I left my husband when my son, "Kenny," was 2. I had to work, and Kenny was raised by a "village." My mother, grandmother, father, brother, sister and friends all took the time to play an important part in his life. When I married my current husband, my in-laws never missed a beat -- they immediately became a part of my son's "village," too.

I am proud to say Kenny, now 13, is an incredible person -- an honor student, athletic, musically talented and popular among his peers. I frequently receive compliments from teachers and other parents about how polite, kind, respectful and well-mannered he is. When I hear those words, I tell them I wish I could take all the credit, but my son is a "village" child.� Some of Kenny's teen-age friends have troubled lives, and we open our door to them. They spend nights here; we do laundry, cook meals, I help with their homework and display their photos. Some have even accompanied us on family vacations. They feel free to discuss any topic that comes to mind. When our relatives visit, we do not exclude Kenny's friends -- we simply expand our "village."

Abby, I would like to thank all of these wonderful souls who took an interest in my son. I never could have done it without them. -- LISA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LISA: There is nothing as important in the life of a young person as the involvement of caring adults. Your son seems to have incorporated the talents and finest qualities of everyone with whom he has had contact. Strong role models and unconditional love can heal even the most emotionally impoverished person -- and that goes for adults, too.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The other day, a female co-worker and I were talking about friendship. She informed me that she prefers the company of men. When I asked her why, she said that women were small-minded and boring.

It saddened me to realize she has so little insight into human nature. The characteristics she shuns are individual personality traits, not qualities of gender.

Abby, I am profoundly pleased that during the past 50 years so many things have changed for the better for women. Nevertheless, when I consider how in the past mankind lost the contributions of an untold number of brilliant and wise women, it fills me with regret. Who knows what advances could have been made in this world of ours if half of the population hadn't been left out of the process?

My workmate's perception of her own gender may be understandable, given how few women have had the chance to contribute much outside their own homes -- but I caution her and others who share her opinion to realize how small-minded these perceptions sound to those who have the wisdom to know better. -- TENNESSEE (MALE) FEMINIST

DEAR FEMINIST: From the tone of your co-worker's comments, she must be living in the 1950s. Women who make blanket accusations about their own gender to men in this day and age often do it to be manipulative. Watch out for that one.

DEAR ABBY: This is an unusual "how we met" story. If you think it's worth printing, it would be a wonderful anniversary surprise for Marie and Ed.

Several years after my father died, my mother, Marie, invited my two sisters and me, and our husbands, on a seven-day cruise with her -- her treat.

One night, we met a group of lovely young women from Minneapolis, my Mom's hometown. A few days later, one of the women, Debbie, noticed that Mom was attractive and fun-loving -- but alone. She said her husband's grandfather, Ed, was a widower, and she thought Ed and Marie would enjoy each other. She asked Mom if it would be OK to give Ed her phone number. Mom agreed.

When Debbie returned home, she gave Ed Mom's phone number and a snapshot of her that had been taken on the cruise. He called Mom, and they spoke on the phone for more than an hour. Among other things, they discovered they had both been happily married for more than 50 years. After that, they talked almost daily for the next couple of weeks.

They met in person on April Fool's three years ago. During the months that followed, they fell deeply in love. On Labor Day, Ed proposed, and he and Mom were married Thanksgiving weekend. She was 76 and he was 79.

Mom and Ed will celebrate their third anniversary on Nov. 29. His family and ours are thrilled they are so happy. They're beautiful together. -- DELIGHTED DAUGHTERS

DEAR DELIGHTED: Your family indeed has much to be thankful for.

Congratulations, Ed and Marie, and many more years of happiness.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My heart sank when I read the letter from "Daughter From Westfield, N.J.," who was obviously deeply hurt by the way the "monument designer" had signed her father's headstone. While I wholeheartedly support "Daughter's" right to remove the "metal business card," I would like to express the basis for this practice in the memorial industry.

I am a Certified Memorialist who takes great pride in what my staff of artists and I create for the families we serve. We view the memorials we design, engrave and erect for public viewing as everlasting works of memorial art. As all artists do, we want to sign our creations. I have seen this type of craftsman identification in many other areas, such as custom cabinets and furniture, public buildings and in many forms of art. Many times in my 18-year career, I have sought to affirm this method by asking the families if they approve of our placing this identification on their memorial, and I have never had a negative response.

Perhaps "Daughter" didn't see it from this perspective and viewed the monument designer as just a salesperson instead of a craftsman. It is also possible that the "metal business card" that was used wasn't tasteful or discreet. Whatever the case, I defend her right to remove it. I just hope my letter helps her and your readers understand why my peers and I will continue to sign our works of memorial art. -- CERTIFIED MEMORIALIST IN INDIANA

DEAR MEMORIALIST: Your letter is informative, and thank you for it. However, I suspect the reason you receive such positive reaction when you ask grieving families if they approve of your signing the gravestones is that you had the courtesy to ask. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a caretaker at a cemetery. Those small metal tags on headstones are there for a reason. They have the company name and telephone number on them. They are usually placed on the BACK of the stone in a very discreet spot. They are not intended to be "advertising." They are most often used by caretakers. If anything should happen to the stone, such as weather damage, vandalism, deterioration, whatever, we just have to look at the number on the back of the stone and call the company.

The daughter did a foolish thing when she removed the metal tag from her father's headstone. Please correct this error before people run to their loved ones' headstones to remove the metal tag. -- BUSY CARETAKER IN NORTHWEST IOWA

DEAR BUSY CARETAKER: I checked with the Funeral Consumers Alliance and was informed that those little metal tags are unacceptable unless displayed discreetly on the back of the headstone, rather than the front.

DEAR ABBY: "Britney," the boss's daughter (and my co-worker), lies, exaggerates and gossips about other workers on their days off. I recently overheard her tell a new employee -- in Spanish -- how much she dislikes me. Britney isn't aware that I, too, speak Spanish fluently.

Abby, I feel very uncomfortable working with her. I hesitate to say anything to her about this, because she will probably get mad and tell her mother. Should I keep quiet, or should I say something to Britney? -- TALKED ABOUT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TALKED ABOUT: Get your resume together. Then, by all means, say something to Britney -- in Spanish.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)