DEAR ABBY: As a child, I adored my grandparents. I couldn't wait until Sundays when we would go to their house and spend all day with them. My grandparents have now passed on, and I have my own children.

I now live in a different state and many miles from my family. When we visit my parents, I leave their home with the feeling they felt our time with them was "bothersome." My parents wave my kids outside when they would rather stay inside where their grandparents are. They make comments about my children's behavior, such as "too excited" or "they're hyperactive." My children are NOT hyper. They are excited to see family members they haven't seen all year.

I thought having grandchildren was something special. Instead, after they spend a mere two hours with us, I get the impression my parents have had enough. They are not old. They are only in their mid-60s.

I am tired of traveling halfway across the United States to visit my family and leaving for home feeling we outstayed our welcome. We stay in a hotel and rent our own car. We are doing all we can to make our visits easy for everyone.

I am angry and hope this is published in their local newspaper for them to see. What has happened to grandparents today? At one time, grandchildren were a treasure. It breaks my heart. -- DISAPPOINTED DAUGHTER, HOPEDALE, MASS.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your parents are giving you a message you should heed. Whether your children are hyperactive or simply high-spirited, their antics are too much for their grandparents to cope with.

It would be wonderful if your parents lived up to your ideal of how they "should" be. However, at this point, they are not likely to change. Harboring anger will not improve the situation.

Keep your family visits as short and sweet as possible. Explain to your exuberant children that their grandparents are no longer used to having children around, so they must be on their very best behavior when visiting.

Your parents may bond and enjoy a warm relationship with your children when they are older. Hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a sweet and unusual experience I had with a stranger while Christmas shopping last year.

The cashier totaled my merchandise and said it came to $28.60. I handed her my credit card, but it didn't register in the machine. I gave her another card. It, too, didn't work. The cashier said something must be wrong with the machine.

A lady standing behind me asked the cashier, "How much was that?" The cashier told her and the lady said, "I'll take care of it," and handed her $30. I was astounded! I said, "Lady, don't do that. I'm able to pay for this." She said, "I'm sure you are, but I want to give it to you as a Christmas present."

The cashier handed her the change and the sales slip, which she gave to me in case I needed to return the merchandise.

I was so stunned I didn't get her name or address. I want to tell her how much the gift was appreciated by both me and my wife. -- THANKFUL TEXAN

DEAR THANKFUL: I'm printing your letter, but you didn't have to ask her name. It's evident: She was Mrs. Santa Claus.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and the mother of a 4-month-old son. I have a high school diploma and some vocational training. I was accepted into college after my high school graduation, but decided not to go away to school so I could stay with the man I love. Had I gone, I would be in my junior year.

Luckily for me, a local company took a chance and gave me a job where I earn fairly good money. However, if I could do it over again, I would go away to college and gain the credentials for a career with good financial prospects.

Because I speak from experience, I have something to say to parents: Try to have a close, honest relationship with your children. Educate them about sex. Stress how important abstinence is, but also teach them about birth control and how to use it effectively. Do not just tell them to "abstain"; explain WHY they should. My mother told me not to have sex. However, she didn't impress on me why I should wait. Now I have a child I'm struggling to take care of.

To young people, I say: Don't do what I did. Complete your education. Take some time growing up. Live a little before starting a family. Believe me, there's plenty of time to have children when you are mature.

I love my son, but it would have been better for both of us if I had waited until I was more mature and had finished my education. -- STRUGGLING IN GEORGIA

DEAR STRUGGLING: Once the rose-colored glasses come off, there's nothing like the clarity of 20-20 hindsight. I hope that parents and teen-agers will take your letter to heart. It contains some important truths.

DEAR ABBY: Friends of ours will soon celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. Do you think it is appropriate for them to renew their wedding vows with my friend wearing a white gown, and having bridesmaids and groomsmen? They couldn't afford a formal wedding 30 years ago. -- JUST WONDERING IN IDAHO

DEAR WONDERING: Much depends upon the spirit of the event. Although an all-out celebration IS in order, to attempt to re-create a wedding that didn't take place 30 years ago, in my opinion, could possibly create more stress for friends and family than pleasure.

DEAR ABBY: I am 40, single and childless. I have many friends who are married with children. I have always been curious to know the protocol in my situation. I give birthday and holiday gifts to my friends, then find myself including a generic gift for the spouse and, of course, the child/children.

However, the value of what I receive and what I give is not equivalent. Although friendship has no price tag, I am confused as to whether I should give my friend a gift, and exclude her spouse and kids -- or what? -- WANTS A CLEAR CONSCIENCE

DEAR WANTS: There is no "protocol" in giving gifts to friends. You give what is in your heart and within your means, and receive what friends and family are able to give in return. However, if you provide gifts for three, four or five members of a family on birthdays and holidays, it makes sense that the one gift you receive should reflect that. If you're feeling shortchanged, this year exchange gifts only with your friends.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What would make a wife compromise her morals, values and ideals and allow her husband of 25-plus years to stay with her, after finding out that he was a raging Casanova? This lady, after confrontation by his lover, found out that her husband has had multiple affairs that began not long after they were married. Now she is subjecting herself not only to disease, but to public humiliation.

That cat must be a humdinger -- because not only does she condone his behavior, so do his girlfriends. Abby, she is an intelligent and good-looking woman. -- A CURIOUS FRIEND

DEAR CURIOUS: Perhaps your friend likes the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. Perhaps she loves her husband, and there are bonds between them that transcend his infidelities. No one ever really knows what ties some people together.

I find it interesting that you feel the husband's philandering is a public humiliation to his wife. It shouldn't be. Since there has been a string of infidelities throughout their more than a quarter of a century together, clearly the problem lies with him. He craves the one thing no one woman can give him -- variety.

DEAR ABBY: I am a person with a disability. Social Security, the state in which I live and my physician have classified me as handicapped, and I have a handicapped placard in my car.

Some of us who look "fine and healthy" have a hidden disability. Although I am only 39, look young for my age and appear healthy because I don't require a wheelchair or crutches, I suffer from chronic, intractable pain 24 hours a day. I am unable to walk long distances.

Abby, for the sake of all of us who do not appear to be disabled but are, please ask your readers not to use the few parking spaces reserved for the handicapped, and not to insult us or make rude comments because we "look healthy." -- JACKIE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JACKIE: Thank you for the reminder. Since most of us have no idea what challenges other people face every day, the able-bodied should refrain from parking in spaces reserved for those with disabilities, and give drivers with "hidden" disabilities the benefit of the doubt. Kindness and compassion should prevail.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old, taking a year off between high school and college. I work at a university to which I would like to apply.

How do I go about asking my boss's boss for a recommendation? I don't work with him, but we know each other and talk occasionally -- mostly during coffee breaks. Lately, we've even been exchanging books and newspaper articles.

Can you offer any advice? -- SHY GUY IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR SHY GUY: To be asked to write a letter of recommendation is a compliment. It means that you think the person is important enough that the recommendation will have clout.

During your next coffee break, tell your boss's boss that you are planning to return to school next year, and would appreciate it if he/she would give you a recommendation. The person will probably be flattered and agree to do it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)