DEAR ABBY: Aug. 4 would have been my sister's 45th birthday. Sadly, she died in October of last year from lung cancer. She had been a smoker since she was 13.

During her illness, I promised her I would try to stop as many kids as I could from making the same deadly mistake she did in starting to smoke. I'll keep that promise, and continue to fight the tobacco industry's targeting of children with every last bit of energy I have. I will also do everything in my power to educate young people about the dangers of tobacco.

Teen-agers and pre-teens: Smoking isn't "cool"; it's deadly! If you don't smoke now, PLEASE don't ever start. If you do smoke, quit NOW -- if you can. Tobacco products of all kinds are silent killers. By the time you find out you have a tobacco-related illness, it's usually too late.

Approximately 465,000 people in the United States die of tobacco-related diseases each year. I'm sure each and every one of them thought, "It won't happen to ME." That's exactly what my sister thought. Sadly, she was wrong -- dead wrong. Thanks to her addiction, she'll miss her sons' graduations, she'll never attend their weddings or see the faces of her grandchildren. She won't grow old with the husband she loved, and who adored her.

Abby, our family is devastated. We miss my sister with all our hearts. Please help me spread the word. -- HEARTBROKEN SISTER, CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I'm pleased to do it, but first permit me to offer my condolences for the loss of your beloved sister.

Your letter is a timely one because tomorrow is the 24th Great American Smokeout. For anyone who may not know, the Smokeout is an upbeat, good-humored one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit smoking for 24 hours -- just to prove to themselves they can do it.

In 1999, 21 percent of smokers (approximately 10.8 million) participated in the Great American Smokeout. Of those participating, 11 percent (1,188,000) reported they were smoking less or not at all one to five days later. That's more than a million people who are on their way to healthier, smoke-free lives -- thanks to the American Cancer Society.

This year, because more than half of all smokers begin smoking before age 14, the focus of the Great American Smokeout is on teen-age smokers. It's necessary because the tobacco industry spends more than $6 billion a year -- that's $200 a second -- promoting a product to young people that's lethal when used as intended.

A majority of teen-agers who smoke have tried to quit, but find themselves "hooked." According to the experts, more than 70 percent of daily teen-age smokers who "think" they won't be smoking in five years are still smoking seven years later. Tragically, of the more than 3,000 young people a day who begin to smoke, ONE-THIRD will eventually die from a smoking-related disease.

While I'm on this morbid subject, I should mention that flavored cigarettes ("bidis") have recently become popular among young people. This may be due to their candylike taste, or their relatively inexpensive price ($1.25 a pack), or the fact that they are rumored to be less harmful than tobacco. Not true! What teens don't realize is that the sweet flavor of bidis masks the harsh, cancer-causing chemicals inside. Bidis have THREE times more carbon monoxide and nicotine, and FIVE times the amount of tar as American cigarettes have.

And so, dear readers of all ages, if you're hooked on tobacco and have been saying, "One of these days I've got to quit," why not join the Great American Smokeout and quit tomorrow? It won't be easy, but it'll be the best holiday present you can give yourself and the people who love you.

Those who need more help or more information about the effects of tobacco may call their local office of the American Cancer Society or (800) 227-2345. Teen-agers are invited to visit www.Y2Kidz.org to learn what they can do, such as signing a pledge not to start -- or to stop if they are smokers now -- and to send virtual postcards to people they love who are addicted to tobacco.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I devised a wedding plan that pleased both our families. He is the youngest child; I am an only child. We've always been especially close to each of our moms. We wanted to make their wedding dreams for us come true, as well as our own.

The solution? We had THREE celebrations! One for us, and one for each mom. Sound crazy? It's not.

My fiance and I eloped to Santa Fe, N.M., for a private ceremony with only my best friend and my fiance's brother in attendance. We hired a professional photographer to capture every moment for our families. It was a beautiful ceremony in a church with a minister.

Three months later, my mom arranged a 200-person sit-down wedding reception in my hometown. She asked our long-time Presbyterian minister to "bless" our marriage with a small ceremony, invited the guests, ordered the food and hired the band. In short, she gave the party she had always dreamed of for her only child.

Three months after that, my mother-in-law hosted a Catholic validation at a church in my husband's hometown. She was overjoyed to provide the Mass and party she had always hoped for her son.

All in all, we had three weddings, and celebrated our marriage for a year. It was perfect. Both sets of parents attended each other's events, and everyone got to eat, drink and invite whomever they wanted. I didn't get stressed-out like some brides do -- I just enjoyed myself.

Abby, I highly recommend this solution to anyone who is trying to please everyone. You can have your wedding cake and eat it, too. -- WE DID IT OUR WAY

DEAR WE DID IT: Providing all the in-laws can afford it, your solution seems amicable for everyone. It's an original. My congratulations to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I was disappointed in your answer to "Disappointed in Arkansas," who was hurt because her brother didn't share the full amount of money he received on a piece of property he had rented from her. You should have suggested that this family use a local mediation service.

Mediation is a process that helps people discuss issues and settle problems. Mediators give people a chance to talk about the situation -- and ways to solve it -- with a neutral third party (the mediator). Mediators do not take sides, tell people what to do or make decisions. All decisions and solutions come from the parties themselves.

Mediation provides people a place to talk about issues in a safe environment, conducive to working together, rather than in a courtroom (which is much more expensive and adversarial).

Many communities have mediation centers. Remember, there are at least two sides to every story, and through mediation all sides will be heard. -- VIRGINIA MAN IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MAN IN THE MIDDLE: Thank you for an excellent letter. Mediation (dispute resolution) is a much less expensive solution than going to trial. I'm sorry I didn't think of it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: To those who wonder, "Can people fall back in love after having an affair?" the answer is yes. Here's what happened to me:

Six years ago, my wife found out that I had been having an affair with a woman at work for more than three years. Her husband called my wife and told her all the details. It happened five days before Christmas, and I had to call both our families to explain why we would not be attending the holiday gatherings. I also had to explain to our teen-age daughter why I was moving out of our home.

We are a very close family, and when I faced the ugliness of what I had done and the hurt I caused, I realized what a fool I'd been.

After convincing my wife that I would do absolutely anything to stay married to her, she allowed me to move back home and seemed willing to give it a try.

We worked with a wonderful counselor who helped us to rediscover each other, and we fell in love all over again -- 25 years after we'd done it the first time. We also became best friends, and truly have a dream marriage now.

Abby, I will always feel guilt and sadness about what I did. However, love and forgiveness gave us a way to begin again. -- BLESSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR BLESSED: That must have been one chilly Christmas. I'm pleased your story has a happy ending.

Many people will be reassured by your testimonial that a marriage can survive after infidelity has been uncovered. The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is two people who really need each other. That understood, with counseling and both parties willing to work at rebuilding their relationship, there's no reason for a reconciliation to fail.

DEAR ABBY: Operation Dear Abby, your annual call for letters to servicepersons stationed on foreign soil during the holidays, should be extended to include veterans in hospitals and nursing homes.

Although many of these veterans have family and friends to visit and write to them, others are alone. I volunteer a couple of days a week at a veterans home in Oregon. I drive their recreational bus for field trips and help with the needs of the veterans while we're on trips. However, there are many other needs volunteers could fill: reading to veterans, writing letters for them, or just spending a little time visiting with them.

If some of your readers would like to help and there are no nearby veteran facilities, the American Legion, the VFW or the library can provide an address to which they can send cards and letters. Veterans hospitals are located all over the United States.

Thank you for considering an extension to your Operation Dear Abby. -- BONNIE L. KENDALL, DALLESPORT, WASH.

DEAR BONNIE: That's a terrific idea. We owe our freedom to our veterans. But why stop with volunteering during the holidays? Volunteering 12 months a year -- if possible -- would be a meaningful gift to those who sacrificed so much for us.

Readers, our veterans are waiting and they need you. The time you give them will be much appreciated. You'll get more than you give by volunteering. I always have.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)