DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I devised a wedding plan that pleased both our families. He is the youngest child; I am an only child. We've always been especially close to each of our moms. We wanted to make their wedding dreams for us come true, as well as our own.

The solution? We had THREE celebrations! One for us, and one for each mom. Sound crazy? It's not.

My fiance and I eloped to Santa Fe, N.M., for a private ceremony with only my best friend and my fiance's brother in attendance. We hired a professional photographer to capture every moment for our families. It was a beautiful ceremony in a church with a minister.

Three months later, my mom arranged a 200-person sit-down wedding reception in my hometown. She asked our long-time Presbyterian minister to "bless" our marriage with a small ceremony, invited the guests, ordered the food and hired the band. In short, she gave the party she had always dreamed of for her only child.

Three months after that, my mother-in-law hosted a Catholic validation at a church in my husband's hometown. She was overjoyed to provide the Mass and party she had always hoped for her son.

All in all, we had three weddings, and celebrated our marriage for a year. It was perfect. Both sets of parents attended each other's events, and everyone got to eat, drink and invite whomever they wanted. I didn't get stressed-out like some brides do -- I just enjoyed myself.

Abby, I highly recommend this solution to anyone who is trying to please everyone. You can have your wedding cake and eat it, too. -- WE DID IT OUR WAY

DEAR WE DID IT: Providing all the in-laws can afford it, your solution seems amicable for everyone. It's an original. My congratulations to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I was disappointed in your answer to "Disappointed in Arkansas," who was hurt because her brother didn't share the full amount of money he received on a piece of property he had rented from her. You should have suggested that this family use a local mediation service.

Mediation is a process that helps people discuss issues and settle problems. Mediators give people a chance to talk about the situation -- and ways to solve it -- with a neutral third party (the mediator). Mediators do not take sides, tell people what to do or make decisions. All decisions and solutions come from the parties themselves.

Mediation provides people a place to talk about issues in a safe environment, conducive to working together, rather than in a courtroom (which is much more expensive and adversarial).

Many communities have mediation centers. Remember, there are at least two sides to every story, and through mediation all sides will be heard. -- VIRGINIA MAN IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MAN IN THE MIDDLE: Thank you for an excellent letter. Mediation (dispute resolution) is a much less expensive solution than going to trial. I'm sorry I didn't think of it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: To those who wonder, "Can people fall back in love after having an affair?" the answer is yes. Here's what happened to me:

Six years ago, my wife found out that I had been having an affair with a woman at work for more than three years. Her husband called my wife and told her all the details. It happened five days before Christmas, and I had to call both our families to explain why we would not be attending the holiday gatherings. I also had to explain to our teen-age daughter why I was moving out of our home.

We are a very close family, and when I faced the ugliness of what I had done and the hurt I caused, I realized what a fool I'd been.

After convincing my wife that I would do absolutely anything to stay married to her, she allowed me to move back home and seemed willing to give it a try.

We worked with a wonderful counselor who helped us to rediscover each other, and we fell in love all over again -- 25 years after we'd done it the first time. We also became best friends, and truly have a dream marriage now.

Abby, I will always feel guilt and sadness about what I did. However, love and forgiveness gave us a way to begin again. -- BLESSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR BLESSED: That must have been one chilly Christmas. I'm pleased your story has a happy ending.

Many people will be reassured by your testimonial that a marriage can survive after infidelity has been uncovered. The most important ingredient for a successful marriage is two people who really need each other. That understood, with counseling and both parties willing to work at rebuilding their relationship, there's no reason for a reconciliation to fail.

DEAR ABBY: Operation Dear Abby, your annual call for letters to servicepersons stationed on foreign soil during the holidays, should be extended to include veterans in hospitals and nursing homes.

Although many of these veterans have family and friends to visit and write to them, others are alone. I volunteer a couple of days a week at a veterans home in Oregon. I drive their recreational bus for field trips and help with the needs of the veterans while we're on trips. However, there are many other needs volunteers could fill: reading to veterans, writing letters for them, or just spending a little time visiting with them.

If some of your readers would like to help and there are no nearby veteran facilities, the American Legion, the VFW or the library can provide an address to which they can send cards and letters. Veterans hospitals are located all over the United States.

Thank you for considering an extension to your Operation Dear Abby. -- BONNIE L. KENDALL, DALLESPORT, WASH.

DEAR BONNIE: That's a terrific idea. We owe our freedom to our veterans. But why stop with volunteering during the holidays? Volunteering 12 months a year -- if possible -- would be a meaningful gift to those who sacrificed so much for us.

Readers, our veterans are waiting and they need you. The time you give them will be much appreciated. You'll get more than you give by volunteering. I always have.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and have been seeing a 21-year-old college man for the past two years. Both of us were the products of teen-age marriages. Our parents met in high school, married shortly thereafter, and had children in their 20s. Our parents are happy and have stayed together. However, both sets of parents have tried to "warn" us not to be tied down so young; that we should have more experience before selecting a mate. It's like they are saying, "Don't do what we did."

My boyfriend and I have discussed this and decided we're very happy together. I don't see the point in playing the field when I am already with the man I wholeheartedly love and enjoy.

Are our parents bestowing their wisdom upon us -- or are they voicing midlife regret? -- DONE SHOPPING

DEAR DONE SHOPPING: Probably a little of both. Your parents are also conveying an important message. People grow and change as they mature. What attracts someone as a teen-ager may not seem as important at 35. That's why I advise couples to wait until they have completed their educations and are self-supporting before they marry.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and looking for a girlfriend. I can wash up -- dress up -- but when it comes to asking a girl out, I choke up.

When I see a girl, I turn red and run the other way. What should I do? -- FEELING BLUE IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR FEELING BLUE: Most people your age feel awkward asking for that "first date," so forget about it for a while. You've placed too great an importance on "dating" and psyched yourself out.

Get involved in clubs or activities that appeal to both sexes. Learn to be part of a group of friends. Start making casual conversations with girls you like. Examples: Talk about the weather, a recent news event, a classroom assignment, or a new movie opening this weekend. Maybe she and others would like to see it, too.

If she doesn't want to go -- or has other plans -- don't take it personally. Ask another girl. Suggest some other activity. Soon you will be part of a group, feeling more comfortable and less shy.

Then, when you want a date for a school dance or sporting event, you'll naturally ask someone you've gotten to know, and you won't turn red and run away again. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: The other night I went out alone to eat at a national seafood chain restaurant. I took along my newspaper, and as I sat there reading, with my paper spread out across the table, it occurred to me that what I was doing might be considered bad manners.

I'm pretty sure that reading a newspaper at the table in a diner or fast-food restaurant is permissible. But how about at an upscale restaurant? Can I read Dear Abby anywhere? -- WILLIAM IN GLENDALE, CALIF.

DEAR WILLIAM: As far as I'm concerned, you may read my column anywhere, anytime -- and I'll defend to the end your right to do it. However, sometimes it's not what you say or what you do, but how you do it. If you're eating alone in an upscale restaurant, instead of spreading the newspaper like a blanket over the tablecloth, fold it neatly and inconspicuously and enjoy it. That way there will be fewer smudges from the newsprint -- and no dirty looks coming your way.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)