DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor (friend) who's 55. I'm 60. We're both in good physical condition and share similar interests. No matter what we do, we always have a good time. I've gotten to know her well enough to consider her the match of my dreams.

She knows how I feel about her, but early on, she stated that she had a history of bad relationships. (She's been married twice; I've been married once.) She claims that most men want only to dominate her.

Every single holiday, she leaves town accompanied by other friends with no other word to me than, "Talk to you later!" As I write this, she's been gone four days following a 10-day illness. During those 10 days, I nursed her -- running errands, buying her flowers, washing her car, bringing her food, you name it.

I don't know what to do. I have respected her privacy and given her all the space she seems to need, and I hate to walk away. This feeling of being left standing on the back porch while she's running out the front door has become really hurtful. My friends say if I confront her, she'll be gone -- and maybe I should just enjoy our relationship for what it is.

Abby, what's your take on this? -- SMITTEN IN ODESSA, TEXAS

DEAR SMITTEN: When it's clear that no commitment is forthcoming, people who want a serious relationship usually drift away. Only those who think they do not deserve better remain in the unhappy "status quo."

DEAR ABBY: After reading "Missing Mom in Minneapolis," about the sister who submitted a $10,000 bill to her mother's estate for services rendered, I was compelled to write.

I once worked for a private home health-care agency in Maryland, doing all of their billing and payroll. I understand matters of money are difficult, especially when a family member dies.

The sister who was not asked to care for their mother, but did so anyway, probably wasn't offered any help either. Had their mother had to pay for those services (24 hours/365 days/five years), the costs would have totaled about $265,000.

That family not only got a terrific deal financially, but I'm sure the mother appreciated having a family member look after her when she needed it most. -- NAVY WIFE LIVING IN JAPAN

DEAR NAVY WIFE: I agree.

P.S. Your figures are astonishing!

DEAR ABBY: At the end of this week, I'll be leaving my job after working here for 14 years. A co-worker with whom I have worked for three years has given me a very expensive gift worth around $400. I suppose it's a token of friendship. He didn't really explain; he just said, "I've got something for you."

Frankly, I was shocked to get such a lavish gift. It's something he and I had spoken about, so he knew I adored it, but would never buy it for myself.

Abby, what should I do? Some people in the office are saying I shouldn't accept it; others tell me I should give him an expensive gift in return. Your thoughts, please. -- EAGER TO MAKE THE RIGHT MOVE

DEAR EAGER: If your co-worker hadn't been able to afford the gift, he would not have given it. Since you had discussed the item with him, he knew it was something you would like. Count your blessings -- not the least of which is that you have such a generous friend. Write him a lovely thank-you letter, keep the gift (and his phone number), and enjoy utilizing both of them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, our 7-year-old daughter, Silvia, and I arrived in Los Angeles in June 1965. At the time, Silvia had less than three months of first grade and didn't speak a word of English. We enrolled her in elementary school in Alhambra, Calif., where she was placed in a class taught by an older, conservative teacher who had little patience. The teacher would yell at Silvia for not understanding English.

As you can imagine, taking Silvia to school each day became a Greek tragedy. She would cry from the time she got into the car and continued as she walked through the school's gates. She also cried at home.

Fortunately, our daughter was transferred into another class that was taught by a younger teacher, Miss Luke. Miss Luke didn't understand a word of Spanish, but she would wait at the gate for our arrival in the morning, take Silvia's hand and walk with her all the way to the classroom. She spoke English to her in the most loving way, in a sweet, soft voice. Within a week, our daughter was actually happy to be going to school. In a month, she was speaking with her new friends in English!

Miss Luke eventually married and became Mrs. Mertha. If she reads this, we want her to know that Silvia, who showed talent for both writing and art, decided to follow in her footsteps and become a teacher like her. Although Silvia has been offered higher administrative positions, she's decided to remain in the classroom with her "little ones."

Bless you, Mrs. Mertha. You are living proof that bureaucratic laws are not a substitute for love and affection. -- RUDOLPH SPADANO, HACIENDA HEIGHTS, CALIF.

DEAR RUDOLPH: Thank you for sharing the touching story about a significant chapter in your daughter's life. It teaches two lessons -- that a dedicated teacher can make a profound difference in a child's life, and that it's not only what you say, but also how you say it that conveys a message.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that there will soon be a presidential election, and "We, the People," can either let our voices be heard or remain silent.

Politicians have power, but we, the people, have power, too. We have the power to vote, to communicate our approval or our opposition to candidates and to those who dictate their party platforms.

We, the people, have the responsibility to decide how to ensure that those we vote into office look after our best interests, our children's and grandchildren's futures. Which candidate has a more workable approach to solving the world's problems -- hate, injustice, indifference and ignorance?

On Election Day, Nov. 7, 2000, we, the people, will determine exactly the kind of leadership we deserve. Please, Abby, urge your readers to make certain we elect the best there is to offer. -- VICKY, A VOTER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VICKY: Gladly!

The question now that really vexes,

Is where the heck to place our "X's."

Should I give myself a push

And place an "X" where it says Bush?

Or, as a gal who knows the score,

Elect to vote for Albert Gore?

Seriously, folks, those "X's" define what each of us stands for. This is an important election, make no mistake about it. Its outcome will determine the way laws in this country are interpreted for decades. Now is NOT the time to sit on the sidelines. Thousands of people have fought and died for our right to vote in a free democracy. It's time for every eligible voter to stand up and be counted, because in this election, every vote counts.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Early this year, my brother and I both announced our engagements and agreed that our wedding dates would be within six months of each other. We're both in our early 20s, still living at home, and our parents are well-to-do.

Immediately after the announcements, our parents told us they could only give me (the bride) $7,000, and my brother would get half that amount. Considering the cost of weddings these days, this would hardly cover 25 percent of the expenses, but there was nothing we could do, so we went along with it. Our parents explained that they were in a tight financial situation at the moment, and this was all they were willing to put out for our weddings.

Exactly one month later, our parents purchased another home! Our family home is already large, but they consider the second house an "investment property." Both my brother and I are extremely hurt by this -- after being told that our parents were in a "financial bind," they were somehow able to scrape up the money for a new house.

Neither of us is planning a very large wedding -- only 150 guests or so -- but some of the money would have to cover our parents' guests, as well as ours. Our parents don't seem to understand this and are standing their ground, saying they have supported us all our lives, but they are not responsible for paying for our weddings.

They have also asked that since we both work, my brother and I start paying them rent until our wedding dates. We feel we should be saving our money at this time, but once again, our parents don't see it that way. I am a 4.0 college graduate, have worked and gone to school at the same time, and have always tried to be the model daughter. Abby, are my brother and I wrong to think that our parents are being selfish? -- SINGING THE WEDDING BELL BLUES

DEAR SINGING: Yes, you are wrong. Please change your tune. A wedding -- or money toward a wedding -- is a GIFT. It is not an entitlement. Your parents have told you what they feel they can comfortably afford. Please accept it like the mature, about-to-marry adults you are.

While it would be wonderful if your parents would support you all the way to the altar, it's clear that for whatever reasons, they feel they can no longer carry that burden. You and your brother are over 21 and ready to build futures of your own. It's time to grow up and accept the responsibilities your parents are asking you to take on without sulking.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and dating a 25-year-old married man. Three months ago he left his wife and moved closer to me. We were spending 24/7 together -- and it was wonderful.

A few weeks ago, he decided that for the sake of his three children he would give his marriage another chance. Now he is back living with his family and seeing me on the side. I'm heartbroken. We were just getting somewhere, and now I'm back at "square one" -- alone most of the time.

I've tried staying away from him, but I can't. I know in my heart that he will leave his wife soon, and we'll be 24/7 again. Abby, what if he comes back to me, and then changes his mind again? -- HURT AND CONFUSED

DEAR HURT: What IF? If you think this romance is going anywhere, you're dreaming. Stop wasting your time. Your lover made his choice when he returned to his family. Trust me, the time has come to accept reality and go on with your life.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)