DEAR ABBY: My dear father passed away recently. My mother ordered a headstone in my father's memory from a local business.

By coincidence, my children and I went to visit my father's place of rest in the late afternoon on the day that the headstone was installed. While saying some prayers for my father, my 9-year-old daughter noticed a tag on the headstone. Upon taking a closer look, I discovered that it was a metal business card that had been wedged into the concrete between the base of the headstone and the top portion. The business card had the name and telephone number of the "monument designer" on it.

I immediately pulled the metal business card out of the drying concrete. Had we come to visit my father's place of rest a day later, that advertisement would have been cemented into eternity along with my father's memory.

How dare anyone attempt to take advantage of such a solemn and personal situation to further his business interests! Your comments, please. – DAUGHTER FROM WESTFIELD, N.J.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter is a first. A "monument designer" who regards a headstone as a billboard has no concept of the sensitivities of family members who might see it. It's in such poor taste that I almost wonder if it wasn't placed there by his biggest competitor.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both in our 80s. I recently ran across a column of yours that I have saved these many years. I thought you might like to reprint it. Perhaps some grandchildren or their young parents might be helped by it. –- GRANDMA OF SIX

DEAR GRANDMA: The topic of that letter recurs regularly, and you're right –- the grandchildren and young parents who "forgot" this courtesy might be helped by reading it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: On my son's 16th birthday, he received a birthday card from his grandparents on his father's side. (His father and I are divorced.) "Grandma Jones" added the following handwritten message on the card: "Sorry, Billy, no money this time because we received no thank-you for the money we sent with our card last year. Lots of love, Grandma and Grandpa Jones."

Abby, although these grandparents are retired and living on a fixed income, they are far from poor. It wouldn't have hurt them to have enclosed a $10 bill. It would have made the difference between my son feeling good or bad on his birthday.

I wrote to my ex-mother-in-law and told her what I thought about her birthday message to Billy. I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to.

What do you (and your readers) think about the message a grandmother sent to her grandson on his 16th birthday? –- BURNED UP IN BUTTE

DEAR BURNED: I think Grandma may have given Billy a birthday gift that was far more valuable than a $10 bill.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are both being married next year. Several people have suggested that we make it a double wedding. We are very close and neither one of us is opposed to the idea, but we are worried it will be too expensive for our guests.

First, do we send separate invitations? Second, would this be too much of a financial burden for our guests? -- TAMPA BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Send only one invitation. Your and your fiance's name should be on it, and your sister's and her fiance's names as well.

A double wedding should not impose an extra financial burden on your guests. In fact, the cost might be less if you consider travel expenses for two separate weddings.

I wish all four of you every happiness on your special day.

DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters about infighting between ex-spouses. My husband's ex-wife approached me after he and I were married, and told me she felt it would be in the children's best interest for us to be friends.

What a great idea! Since that time, three years ago, she and I have talked, shared feelings, exchanged holiday gifts, been nice to each other in front of the kids, and shown them that it's OK to be friends with and to be nice to someone even though there have been bad times between parents.

This has reduced much stress that the kids were experiencing and allows them to tell us how much they love their mother without feeling guilty, embarrassed or nervous. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN ALABAMA

DEAR BTDT: I commend your husband's former wife -- and you -- for your mature decision to set aside personal animosity for the benefit of the children. Many families could learn from your example.

DEAR ABBY: I foolishly left my car unlocked while parked in downtown Boise for the River Festival. Sitting on the front seat was my cell phone and a few CDs. Needless to say, when I returned a few hours later, they were gone.

I immediately called my insurance company to report the theft and was informed that my deductible was more than the value of the stolen items. I was in despair. Then a glimmer of inspiration hit -- I dialed my cell phone number!

Unfortunately for the morally challenged juvenile who stole my property, his mother was standing next to him when his baggy pants started ringing! Let me tell you, after talking to that woman I would not want to be in that boy's shoes!

My phone and CDs were returned the next morning. She stayed to supervise while her son mowed my lawn and washed my cars.

I understand that for the next couple of months he will not be allowed out of the house without a family member. My greatest hope, however, is that the unfortunate incident helped a mother and son realize that a dangerous path loomed ahead -- and that bigger problems in the future were avoided. -- STILL CONNECTED IN BOISE

DEAR STILL CONNECTED: I'm pleased your story had a happy ending. It's risky to leave tempting articles in a parked car even when it is locked. Better to put them out of sight in the trunk.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a dear lady, and I love her very much. She is long divorced and hasn't remarried. She lives alone quite far from me. We have been very close for the past few years, because I have been single for a long time. We have visited each other often, traveled together, talked on the phone every other day, etc.

I have finally met the man of my dreams. I love him and like to spend a lot of time with him. My mother is not happy for me. In fact, she is devastated that I no longer wish to spend all my vacation time with her or travel with her or talk on the phone quite as often.

I feel I have abandoned her in favor of my new love, and I feel terrible. Yet I also feel it is time to focus on making a life of my own -- maybe even marry and have my own family. However, Mom is living alone, and seems so sad when I tell her I will be spending my vacation with my new love.

Abby, am I being cruel to her? I love my mother very much and don't want to hurt her. -- WAVERING IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR WAVERING: I'm not surprised that your mother is less than overjoyed at your newfound love. You have been her confidante, travel companion and major source of entertainment for a long time. She'd be less than human if she didn't want that to continue.

Wanting to marry and make a life of your own is not cruel, it's normal. Your mother is unfair to lay a guilt trip on you.

It's time to encourage her to reach out to contemporaries for the emotional support she needs. There are any number of ways she can meet them -- adult education classes, senior citizen centers, volunteer work, square dancing classes; there are even tours especially for seniors. Do not allow yourself to be maneuvered into the role of your parent's parent. It is one that could last her entire remaining lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been divorced from his ex-wife since 1992. They did not have children.

Abby, he still has the key to her condo. He says it's because he does work for her. He is a painting contractor. I think he should return the key and get it only when he has work to do there.

She calls him for everything -- from picking her up after a dentist's appointment to starting her car a couple of times a month while she's out of town. I think she should call some of her other friends. She has to call him only once for him to do whatever it is she wants. I have been after him for three years to change the showerhead in our shower. (I purchased it three years ago.) He says I "nag" him. I think three years is a long time to wait. When she calls him, he leaves work and does whatever it is she needs.

Am I being unreasonable by asking him to return her key? If the situation were reversed, I wouldn't be allowed to keep an ex-boyfriend's key and go to his place to do errands for him. Please answer. This is becoming a big problem for me now. -- HURTING IN FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA.

DEAR HURTING: Your husband's first marriage may be over, but his emotional bond to his first wife hasn't been severed. I don't blame you for being upset. Most wives wouldn't tolerate what you have.

Tell your handy husband you feel threatened by his maintaining such a close tie to his former wife. You two are overdue for some marriage counseling. Pick up the phone and schedule an appointment. And while you're at it, call a plumber. Three years is too long to wait for your husband to install the showerhead.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)