DEAR ABBY: I am 42 and recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I had my last child at 37. One day I encountered a very rude woman. She raved about how cute my baby was and then proceeded to ask me if he was my grandson! In this day and age, many women have babies in their 40s and beyond. I would never ask a woman of any age that question. I know from experience that it can ruin her day.

I realize I'm old enough to be the grandmother, but the point is that I am not. Since I'm five years older now, I'm sure I'll encounter the same situation. I wonder if I should wear a button that says, "No, I'm not the grandmother. I'm the mother."

Another impertinent question I have been asked is, "Are you going to have your tubes tied now?" Abby, it is no one's business!

Can you please tell me what to say when rude people ask me these questions? -- "GREAT" BUT NOT "GRAND" MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: When someone asks if you're the baby's grandmother, smile and reply, "Why do you ask?" If the person is rude enough to answer that you appear too old to be the mother, inform him or her that you ARE the child's mother and you feel that's "grand"!

When asked if you're going to have your tubes tied, reply, "If that were any of your business, you would already know the answer to that question."

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to "Unglued in Massachusetts," who was offended when people use a preprinted mailing label on their correspondence. You asked her what was more important -- the envelope or its contents.

I am a deaf, legally blind man with partially paralyzed fingers on my writing hand. I use the labels for mailing, and give them to people in places like repair shops and medical offices when I'm asked for my personal information.

Abby, my handwriting looks like a doctor's prescription written on a plane in heavy turbulence. However, even in my condition, I still get the impression people think it is rude of me to use the labels. -- SCOTT E. JOHNSTON, APOPKA, FLA.

DEAR SCOTT: Your reasons for using preprinted labels are practical and sensible. Common sense has to rule. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired U.S. postal employee and would like to inform "Unglued" that the U.S. Postal Service recommends and prefers preprinted mailing labels in place of handwritten names and addresses. Our automation equipment can read legible preprinted labels at an enormous rate of speed, thus getting the mail to the addressee much quicker. -- BOB MIKRUT, GLEN ELLYN, ILL.

DEAR BOB: Thank you for writing. For anyone who doesn't know it, the Postal Service also prefers envelopes on which addresses have been typed in capital letters with no punctuation marks.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "HEARTBROKEN PARENTS": "Tolerance is the positive and cordial effort to understand another's beliefs, practices and habits without necessarily sharing or accepting them." -- Joshua Liebman

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in October, and something is really bothering me. I have a 14-year-old daughter -- and she is a big problem, but not the only problem.

A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from my fiance's mother. She told me the only reason I want to marry her son is for his money. Abby, we have lived together for more than a year. To this day I don't know what he earns or what he has in the bank, and I don't want to know. What she said was extremely hurtful. I never have been and never will be a gold digger. My fiance knows that. She also told me that if he married me, my daughter will receive nothing in his will.

My fiance is now telling me that because he doesn't want my daughter to get any of his money, he wants to get a prenuptial agreement. I don't have a problem with that -- but here's the deal: If we get divorced, I'll get nothing. That's OK with me. But if anything happens to him, I will also be left with nothing -- everything will go to his sons.

Abby, is it wrong of me to want some security for my old age? This is something I didn't think I would have to think about, but now I do. Either way I am being made to look like a gold digger. I'm so hurt I don't know how to deal with it. I love this man with all my heart, but I'm lost and don't know what to do. Please help. -- CRYING IN DEARBORN, MICH.

DEAR CRYING: Dry your tears and take heart. As much as you love this man, you need to consult a lawyer. A prenuptial agreement has to be acceptable to both parties, and you must be represented by an impartial lawyer so that it isn't signed under "duress." The document should offer you some protection, so that you won't be blindsided at some future date.

Discuss with your lawyer whether or not your fiance should sign a similar agreement that plainly outlines what he expects his financial obligations to you will be.

He should be as willing to sign such an agreement as you are. After all, business is a two-way street and there's nothing shameful about it.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Must I Share Everything?" whose husband likes to hang out with her and her girlfriends. May I comment?

I am a 34-year-old woman who is thrilled to have a husband who feels comfortable with my friends. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I had a Pampered Chef party with 25 ladies -- and my husband was the hit of the evening! He had a great time and was even nicknamed "Oven Boy" because he was in charge of putting the food in the oven for the demonstrator. I didn't even mind when my friends wanted to go into the kitchen to check out "Oven Boy's 'buns.'"

That lady should count her blessings. I know I do every day. After all, doesn't it make sense that your "best friend" should get along with your other friends? -- LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD, MIDLOTHIAN, ILL.

DEAR LUCKIEST GIRL: I agree completely. I'd rather have my friends checking out my Oven Boy's buns than trying to find my Turkey who couldn't relate to any of them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old father of four, married to the same woman for 23 years. Being a parent is not easy. I know that child abuse statistics are soaring these days.

I've enclosed a prayer that came to mind one day in the midst of the daily chaos. If it causes one parent to pause long enough to avoid verbally, emotionally or physically hurting the child he or she loves, it will have been worth the effort of mailing it to you. -- JUST ANOTHER DAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR DAD: Rest assured, your effort was not wasted. I love the prayer -- and so will my readers. Read on:

PRAYER FOR A TIRED, IRRITABLE PARENT

Healthy children make lots of noise.

They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bang things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, they make lots of noise.

They play loud.

God, bless my healthy children. Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise.

Give me new understanding, understanding that doesn't crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity.

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is prompted by the one about warning beepers on airport carts and heavy equipment. A "start-up" beeper on school buses would greatly reduce child-related accidents when the bus moves. Children forget to be careful after getting off the bus. A warning beep would let them know it is about to move.

It could probably be installed at a reasonable cost. Bus drivers could be mandated by law to wait for the timed beeps to cease before moving the vehicle, thus giving children time to move out of the way.

Don't you think this would save lives if action groups insisted that it be done? I do. -- R.K. COLLINGS, OTTAWA, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR R.K.: I do, too. And the expense would be minimal if you take into consideration the value of a child's life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In your response to a letter about warning beepers on airport carts, you mentioned back-up beepers on heavy equipment. I am in my mid-80s, and I can't turn around and look behind my car as well as I once could, so I had a back-up beeper installed on my car. It cost less than $50. Other seniors would be wise to have this device installed on their cars to protect those we may not see behind us. --DOMINIC BRUNO, DELTONA, FLA.

DEAR DOMINIC: Why only seniors? I'm sure drivers of every age occasionally put their cars into reverse without looking back. Such a warning for pedestrians, pets and children could save life and limb.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think a woman can be in love with two men at one time? -- PAT IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR PAT: No. But she can be infatuated with two men (or more!) at the same time.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)